Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Still Truckin' (And Feeling Like a Jerk)

My estradiol level was at 100, so it was perfect! Woo hoo! We are able to continue. Next small step towards baby: ultrasound and bloodwork on Friday. We will get to see how many follicles I have working. I was a little bummed because I was hoping they would decrease my dosage of the Follistim, but they are keeping everything the same. I am starting to feel a tad uncomfortable already. Today I had headaches and am extremely tired.

I took the little guys into the Health Department to get shots for daycare. As someone who shoots up every night, you wouldn't think this was a big deal. It was so awful! Holding the kids as they screamed bloody murder was almost as traumatizing for me as it was for them! After waiting for two hours to get in, the nurse was an annoying bitch. She asked me why I am a foster parent and I told her I can't have kids of my own. I hope that isn't really true, but she did benefit from the guilt trip because she wasn't quite so nasty after that. I know, I'm evil . . . .

This morning I had to take the kids with me to the RE's office to get my blood drawn. I didn't think much of it, other than it was a major inconvenience. Then I sat down with the baby on my lap and a couple was looking at him. Nurses came by and said how adorable he was. Although this normally excites me, I felt absolutely awful. I know they were looking at his sweet baby face, his big blue eyes, and his heart melting dimples and feeling like shit and wondering when it was going to be their turn. I kept trying to turn him around so his perfect little face wasn't staring at them or so that he wouldn't do anything cute. I wanted to tell them that I haven't had a turn yet either, these are just temporary babies that will break my heart when they leave, but thought it would be pretty awkward. I still have a yucky feeling in my gut thinking about that today. Luckily now they have immunizations and can go to daycare so I won't do that again. I feel so sorry thinking about that tonight and hoping that it didn't send the wife home in tears and haunting them like it is me.


  1. Ashley,

    I used to go sit next to people with children, and ask them questions. Invasive and rude, I guess, but I just wanted to know that I could have the hope of a baby too. I wonder if the other people who were in that room wanted to see your lil' bub and ask questions. I so much hate that waiting room, because people are SO quiet. Nobody looks at one another, like there is something to be ashamed of when sitting there. And there is just nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe next time... just say "hi" to those people and see what transpires.

    All the best on stimming... I surely hope it works for you.

  2. I'm there with you on dealing with nasty people. I'm running our class reunion and someone complained about the fifty dollar price tag because they have a child. I finally told her I spent twenty grand just trying to have a child. That shut her up and I felt satisfied. ;)

  3. When I'm next to someone pregnant or with a baby, I just get so curious! I ask way to many questions. But I've found most new moms like to talk about it, and have lots of good advice. It's like getting to talk to someone who has shares a hobby obsession! :) Besides, you were just doing what you needed to do for yourself and the babies you are taking care of now.


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