Friday, August 30, 2013

The Miley Debacle and Raising a Daughter

Unless you have been living under a rock, you have heard about the performance Miley Cyrus gave on the VMA's. It looked a lot like this . . . . .

When I saw it I thought "that was crazy." And that was all. Imagine my surprise when I got on Facebook and everyone was on the next level about this issue. Miley is a whore, a skank, trashy, her butt is flat or pictures comparing Miley to an animal or her rear end to that of a raw chicken.

This may come as a shock, but to be perfectly honest, I found all of those things much more tasteless than the raunchy performance she gave.

1. This is the VMA's on MTV. MTV is not a mecca for mainstream ideas of moral behavior. Every single year someone does something that is "shocking." Every. single. year. Aside from this shenanigan, Lady Gaga did her little number in a thong and bra. A thong, with her actual butt cheeks showing. I don't care about this for one second, but is it not a little hypocritical that one performer was pretty much naked and not being called a whore and a slut? Is it not sexist and maybe even a little misogynistic that celebrated male performers like Michael Jackson have rubbed their genitals on stage for years but that does not set Facebook ablaze with insults for the performer?

2. I saw many comments about how this is Hannah Montana and what are women supposed to tell their daughters about this behavior? In my opinion, this is a parenting fail on your part, not a problem with Miley Cyrus. If your child is a Hannah Montana fan and yet they are not old enough to understand that Hannah Montana is not a real person, but a made up character being played by an actress (and several years before this at that) who is a human being in real life that is NOT actually Hannah Montana, I have news for you: YOUR CHILD IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO WATCH MTV. Let that sink in.

3. I have made so many mistakes in life. I wouldn't even call them mistakes at all times, but I have done dumb things. The thing about Facebook and blogs calling out Miley for rubbing herself, wearing something that, let's be honest, is no different than a bikini, sticking out her tongue, etc, is that, I know these people. I know that they too have been wild and crazy back in the day. Some of them still do wild and crazy things. I can't help but wonder why these same people feel they have the right or ability to use such harsh, shameless and cruel language and imagery to discuss this behavior? Whilst going through puberty myself and letting my brain fully develop (which doesn't finish until 25, hello), I did DUMB things. I have to emphasize dumb. Sometimes horrifyingly embarrassing things. I thank my lucky stars I participated in that ridiculous behavior when cameras, phone pics, and YouTube were not existent. Now that I am nearing thirty, I would absolutely never do any of those things and I cringe at the thought of my sweet daughter doing any of those things. But . . . I would be a hypocrite (and a jerk actually) to simply forget that at one time in my youth I was a big, horny, obnoxious idiot and mount my high horse to say awful things about someone on the internet. I don't think Miley Cyrus should be ruined for life like many people are calling for. I think she'll probably grow out of it and move on. So should we.

I always hear people talking about how they want better for their children than they had. Usually they are talking about material things and finances, but I also want better for my child's soul and well being. I don't want my daughter calling other girls whore, sluts, ho bags, skanks and what have you. I did that and have thought it (okay, maybe still do sometimes) but I don't want that for my daughter. I want her to have more respect for others and in turn that will give her more respect for herself.  I certainly don't want anyone saying those things to her either someday, should she find herself making different choices or rubbing herself with a foam hand on TV while wearing a teddy bear onesie. I would like us to discuss that type of thing together and work out what kind of feelings a performance like that may evoke in her, not just sling around whore and slut and certainly not take to making fun of her body parts that may look imperfect to some.

I want better for her, so I have to be that through example. I have participated in these negative behaviors before. I am and have been a judgemental person. Having a child changes you. When I look at my beautiful girl and how innocent she is, I want her to keep seeing the world in a positive light. We have war, terrorist attacks, a widening gap between rich and poor, higher education costs that are getting unattainable, people who are sick and can't get good health care, a young woman taking part in a risque performance is the least of our troubles. We can discuss it with respect and act accordingly. That's the example I want to be for my daughter, not someone on a high horse making unnecessarily harsh judgements of someone I don't even really know who is essentially causing us no harm in any fashion.

Moral of the story: get over it. Move on. And really, don't call other women whores and sluts. That's nasty. Be better than that.


Friday, August 9, 2013

Cry it Out or Wait it Out?

My twinkies were bad sleepers. We still have about one night a week that one of them wakes up screaming about something and they are over three years old! With the butterball, I decided he could just sleep in my bed to save the time of running all over the house each night. Also with breastfeeding I don't even get up for that reason, just roll over and put a boob in his mouth.

Butterball is now almost 8 months old. He thrashes around in the night and whimpers and it keeps me awake. A few weeks ago we moved him into his own room. I tried CIO with the twins but frankly I don't have the cajones for it. I went back and forth between thinking if they cry themselves to sleep at night once and then get good sleep it would be worth it. Then I would think about how they had just been snuggled up in my body for nine months, is it so strange to think that they need human comfort? I sleep better with my hubby in bed with me so it can't be a huge stretch to think that little babies need comfort too. I also keep water next to my bed and drink when I want so I just couldn't wrap my mind around the notion that a small baby should be trained out of comfort and food, so I didn't do it. I don't think people who do CIO are child abusers or any crazy sanctimommy thing like that (unless you do extinction, ie just letting them scream without checking on them all night, that is just plain mean), but it doesn't feel right for me and my nuggets.

Well . . . I got home from my part time job at 9:45 and he was still up! I fed him but he kept popping up and thrashing around and trying to get after stuff. Once it was after 10 I laid him in his crib and turned on the mobile. About one minute later he started screaming. I looked at Hubby and he said just let him cry for a few minutes. Three minutes later there was no sound so I rushed in to be sure he was okay, and he was fast asleep. He slept until 4:30 a.m. and then I fed him. He has done that a few times on his own, but not many. He slept until 6 once last week. He had been sleeping all night when he was very little but got sick and never did it again.

Flash forward and we have been road tripping and he falls asleep in the car constantly. I now have to fight him tooth and nail to get him to sleep in the bed. Hubby and I have been rotating. Hubby doesn't have boobs but he can comfort a kid. No matter how annoying Hubby can be, seeing your 6' tall husband curled up in a baby crib singing ABC's is the sweetest. Anyway, we have been trying to put him to bed awake this week and he has been crying and screaming like a crazy. Last night it took an hour! I am not good at this because I go in every five minutes, but he needs to know I will comfort him but he also needs to sleep at night. Does that even make sense? I don't know!  After an hour and then me eventually crawling into his crib and giving him a boob he fell a sleep. Then slept until 6 am, which was awesome.

So I kind of did CIO. My precious snowflake cried himself to sleep, which I hate. At the same time, he slept all night without interruption, which is good.

Oy, making parenting decisions, it's hard.

powell gardens 088

powell gardens 086

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Well Hello

It's been awhile!

Why has it been awhile?

A few reasons . . . .

1. I'm busy. I don't really have time to sit at the computer. I can walk around with internet on the iPod/iPad/phone (I now have a smart phone, crazy!) but just sitting at the computer? No, it doesn't happen. We've been travelling, I work part time, I have been getting this house under control, and of course, I have three littles running around.

2. My life is boring. Busy, but also boring. Boring in a delicious way that I have always wanted it to be! We are just living life, I have nothing crazy going on except the normal crazy. That's probably boring. So just know that all things about to come at you are going to be boring. Sorry.

3. My internet is slow as hell. If I pull up Blogger, it takes eons to turn on and my blogging mood that had struck me, unstrikes me, and I have other things to do.

If you only come here to view pictures of my stunningly beautiful children, you can follow me on instagram if you'd like!


I'm apairandaspare3. Some people find this screen name quite clever, I ripped it off of someone else that I knew on a board back in the day, don't be impressed.




Hopefully I will be back in blogging business soon! Woohoo!