Monday, May 30, 2011

Mom Weekend


1:00 a.m. - 3:00 a.m.: Ocean is awake and crying and tossing so we sleep on the couch together. Poor baby. Is it a cold, teething or allergies? Who knows?

7:10 a.m.: The twinks cousin spent the night and he is up. Ocean and I get him and the boys eat breakfast. Ever gets up about 20 minutes later with hubby.



10:30 a.m.: We have played around and gotten dressed and now my nephew gets picked up. Three babies under two wasn't that bad, but my nephew is super laid back.

11:00 a.m.: I am really exhausted. The twinks and I decide to take a nap together.

1:00 p.m.: We head out so that hubby can work on the roof which was damaged by hail. We go to the grocery store to get blueberries and soy milk and our tickets to Jiggle Jam, the hottest baby concert around. I feel super cool about it. Not.


1:30-Bedtime: We play and hang out. It is really laid back. We are all at my Grandma's so hubby can bang on the roof to his heart's content. The babies spend the night with my grandparents.



9:00 p.m.: I arrive at the house and hubby wants ice cream. We go get it and then go home and watch Harry Potter like the two super cool people that we are.

7:15 a.m.: I get up and get ready for the day. I get to my grandparent's house and found out that Peanut was up a lot and has a runny nose. Poor Peanut.

8:45 a.m.: We go to Jiggle Jam, the babies first concert! We see Funky Mama and Mr. Stinky Feet. Ever claps to the music. The big hit was the bubble tent. We also ran in the fountains downtown and the babies ate their first snow cone! They loved it. We participated in a family drum circle. Ocean liked it, but Ever wasn't on board 100% with the whole bongo playing thing.










1:30 p.m.: We get back to my grandparents and my allergies are ridiculous so I have to take a shower due to hives. The babies also took a shower with me. Ocean was cool with it, but Ever hated it.

5:30 p.m.: I did a photo session with this adorable cutie and once again got covered in hives and had to take another shower and a ton of benadryl.


8:30 p.m.: We go back home to our house and get bathies and put babies to bed. Ocean is crying a lot so I go up to check on him and he has his foot stuck in the crib. I figure he could use snuggles after that trauma so I put him in bed with me for awhile and then he goes back to sleep. They both sleep all night. Yay.

I'm tired. Back to work tomorrow!

Friday, May 27, 2011

Sarcasm is Genetic

My sweet little sweetnesses are naughty.

I'm sure you are completely shocked based on the picture perfect, non-sarcastic behavior I portray here that my ONE year olds are sarcastic. ONE. 13 months technically.

That was really fast. Hubby said he is sure they don't have one bit of his DNA in them. My DNA overcame them completely.

This is what happens:

1. Babies choose to do something naughty.

2. I say "no no no" in my serious voice and shake my pointer finger at them.

3. A look of joy comes across their face and they laugh. Giggle giggle, while they should be sad because they are doing a no no.

4. Next comes sarcasm. Ever will either shake her head and say "no no" while laughing or Ocean will look at me while smiling and say "na na na" while shaking his hand back at me.

Please take a moment to envision this in about 10 years. Yep. It doesn't bode well.

Do you know what else doesn't look good?

My mom is leaving which means that I have to do stuff. Like cook.

I hate cooking. It is boring. And what is worse is that cooking then leads to cleaning because you have to wash dishes and tables and put everything away and then there is planning and grocery buying and the whole thing sucks. I've looked into E-Mealz and they look all casserole-ish and I like my food separated and unmixed so I'm not sure if that is for me.

I am also going to be extremely poor thanks to daycare so I am saying good-bye to cable. I don't watch a ton of TV currently but the only shows I do watch are on Bravo which also doesn't have online viewing like some of the stations do. There will definitely be a period of withdrawal, but I will make it. Luckily it is summer so most of my evenings will be spent outside watching the babies splash in the water table or dig in the sand or play in their house or swing on the swings. Maybe my big booty could actually start working out again because I won't have shows to watch. Things are a-changin' around here again!



Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Longest Day EVER

Unless you are living under a rock, you know that there has been a terrible tragedy in Joplin, MO with a massive, horrible tornado.

I live in the same vicinity, but far enough away. Not far enough away though to be out of the same danger zone.

I am sitting here after Ibuprofen and two much needed alcoholic beverages.

Why, you might ask?

If you didn't know, I work with children. LOTS of children at one time. Today we celebrated the first day off of school with a fun field trip.

Mother Nature decided today was no day for a celebration. We had tornadoes. Tornadoes anytime are no bueno, but tornadoes after the Joplin devastation are even worse.

Tornado sirens are the worst sound ever. They totally sound like those alien ships in War of the Worlds and give me the creeps. I am not native to the Midwest and they creep me out everytime. But when you are caring for scared children, you never let on that you are creeped out to the max. Unfortunately, I have a few young employees who were as equally scared as the children.

I blew my whistle and herded children to the back. When the sirens kept going we then herded them all into the bathrooms. They did not all fit into one bathroom so we were in two bathrooms and a storage area in the back of the place. I went to the front of the place to see what the beep was going on. Once it was confirmed that Mother Nature was being a huge bitch I tried to call my mom because even though I was caring for other children I didn't forget my own. Phone calls to all people, my mom, my boss, my other family were not going through due to the weather and high volume of calls being made. I was panicked but decided to check on the kids in the restrooms.

I walked in and saw bunches of big eyes staring at me.

"Hi friends," I say.

"Are we going to die today Miss Ashley?"

"No," I tell them, "no one is going to die today. We are all safe."

"Is my mom safe?"

"Yes, your mom is safe. Everyone is safe." I don't really know if that's true but I figure since it is probably true it would be the best idea to go ahead and say it. There are a few tears and more stares.

"Okay. What time are we having lunch?" Yes, once the children knew they weren't going to die, the next order of business was food. Sheesh!

I heard from my mom finally and the babies were sound asleep. They had been hiding out in the bathroom. Relief! There was a lot of confusion about when to leave, but I made the executive decision to get on the bus and get back to school. Halfway there dark skies and rain pelting the bus. The little eyes grew bigger again.

"It's just rain friends! Almost lunch time!" Holy hell, is this over yet?

We got back and I emailed parents to let them know we were all safe and everyone was happily eating lunch. My staff was tired and headed home. I stayed with anothe staff and the kids decided to celebrate the fact that we made it safely back by acting like INSANE HEATHENS!!!! It was horrible. I just wanted to run for the hills.

I got home, played with babies, ate dinner, watched a hilarious episode of Cougar Town and drank two drinks. I am now taking a shower and going to bed and waking up to an uneventful sunny day. Do you hear that Mother Nature? AN UNEVENTFUL SUNNY DAY!

Forecast: sun, no tornado, and a chance of very well behaved children. Cross your fingers! My sanity and liver need a break!



Sunday, May 22, 2011

Mommy Fail Number Infinity

I am a laid back parent. Very laid back. Our pedi's office told me I'm not the usual first time mom. Technically, I am a first time mom but I have had five foster kids plus have worked with kids for awhile so I know that they can eat poop and boogers and still live so really, I don't freak out too often. Here are the horrifying things I've done:

1. Let them eat junk food on occasion
2. Let them crawl around on public floors, one time even a bar and grill floor
3. Let them kiss dogs on the mouth
4. Let them play in/eat dirt
5. Let them jump on the couch
6. Today I found Ocean splashing in an unflushed toilet. I flushed it, doused him with antibacterial wash and then continued doing my hair
7. I let strangers hold them if they don't look too dirty or like child molesters
8. I'm not going to admit anything else

There are a few things, though, that I'm a kook about.

1. When they get booboos. I HATE it. I freak out, completely unreasonably, every time they bump, fall or get any little amount of discomfort. FREAK OUT.

2. Night time. I sometimes wake up and just go look at them. I don't know what drives me to do this, but I do it. I sometimes sleep in their cribs with them. I make extra sure that all the doors are locked at night. I do not allow crib bumpers (although I do allow blankets, pillows, lovies so that is kind of stupid). I worry about the temperature in the room, fire, robbers, finger eating ferrets, spiders, ghosts, all kinds of things. And then last night . . . .


Please take a moment to digest that and read it again . . .


What the french toast? For the first time that there was actual real, not imaginary danger I slept like a baby! Hubby did too. I woke up because there was really loud banging outside the house but then I thought, oh well, and went back to sleep.

My children are not safe. The ONE TIME I should have got up and carted us all into the stairwell just to be safe, I decided to get some shut eye instead. Thankfully, we are all okay and there wasn't a tornado exactly where we live, just close. I'm wondering if I should even sleep tonight because I let my guard down and totally sucked. Seriously . . . .



Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Emotional and the C-Section Fix Decision

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today.

After the twins came along, my social life got much better. I didn't feel so awful and my friends and I could all talk babies and we were all parents regardless of how we got there.

I have lots of pregnant or trying to be friends and family right now. It was all happy go lucky for awhile but it's starting to wear on me a bit. Just because I am a happy mama of two does not mean that I want to hear about these things. I thought someday it would be no big deal, but I don't want to talk about it. I just don't.

I think it's because my mind can't help but go to that place. The bitter one. Where I think for a moment "oh, must be nice to get pregnant for free." Then the ball starts rolling and I think that sure, I would be having all kinds of babies because we'd be in a way bigger house because we wouldn't have had to drain our savings just to do something nearly everyone does for free. And the ball rolls and rolls . . .

But luckily it's only briefly because I can quickly remember how thankful I am for two healthy, gorgeous babies. More often than not I think about the money and the pain and think it was such a small price to pay for such an amazing thing and it goes back to being a means to an end and something of the past.

Today I was asked if I thought we would be foster parents again. I said that I would like to but hubby is leaning towards a biological baby and I'm not on board so until we agree we will be enjoying the monkeys and that is that. This was followed by something along the lines of "you don't want another baby? You were satisfied with just one pregnancy? Babies are amazing!"

To be honest, yes, I am perfectly satisfied with just having had one pregnancy. Also the twins are only ONE so the times when I was awake at night feeling like a helpless loser and wondering if I could just run away, maybe just to a hotel, things would be okay. This made me tear up because I feel guilty about it, although it is what it is and it was fleeting, only a matter of months. I also felt raw because I often wonder what is wrong with me that I have a willing hubby and the opportunity to maybe have another baby but I don't want to?

The next thing was questions about IVF and all that comes with it. I have told it over and over again because I want people to know that it's a really tough thing but something that I was okay to do because the end result were the two most beautiful things ever to land on this planet. I yakked and yakked and got to the part about how my butt and stomach were covered in bruises and I had to turn my chair around. I hid in the corner and I cried. I was so shocked because it is usually yesterday's news and just a fact of life. Deciding to do IVF was the best decision I ever made. Why on earth was this making me cry?

I think all the pregnancy and baby and baby making talk is starting to wear me down. I just want to be a regular old mom and pretend that part isn't necessary. I don't want to compare. And just because I am now a mom and everyone thinks I am normal (normal for me anyway) I don't know how to say "PLEASE, DON'T TELL ME ABOUT IT!" Can't we talk about poop or food or developmental stages instead? Anything? So instead I listen and try to be supportive and remember that I got more than everything I ever asked for, but I feel my tolerance starting to slip.

Either that or my period is due in 3 days so I'm just having mood swings, but that intellectual shit sounds better, right?

On the c-section front: I have not made any plans for a surgery. I spoke to my chiropractor about it and he told me that there is acupuncture and massage methods that can help with scar tissue so I will be trying that instead. Cross your fingers!

Now prepare yourself for the goofiness that is my son and the absolute beauty that is my daughter! Hubby scored major points when he saw this picture of her and said that he wants it for his desk at work because she looks so much like her mama!



Monday, May 16, 2011

The Big D


It is upon us. My mom, the motherhood guru and grandma extraordinaire, is leaving. Out of the midwest and back down to the South.

Each morning I will be getting up AND getting the babies ready to go and then to work on time. Ha ha ha. Yeah right. I have had the luxury of my mom watching them right in the comfort of my home and I leave them crying in their jammies each morning while looking decent and making it to work on time.

Now . . . we will all need to be ready and to daycare by 8:00 a.m. Ocean sometimes sleeps until 8:30. Ever does not appreciate being rushed. I am nervous.

I try to remember why working is great:

1. We have healthcare
2. We can pay bills
3. I have fun working (most of the time)
4. I can laugh at the commercials on TV that say "this is the one shopping trip you don't have to hide from your husband" because I make money so I don't have to hide squat
5. When the babies see me at the end of the day they throw, literally throw, whatever is in their hands down and make a beeline towards me and shower me with love and it is so special

So we are going to make this work.

I have a plan, although plans are things I rarely stick to. I will get up by 6:45 a.m. This will be hard, but I am going to try it. The night before I will get out the kids clothes. We will wake up and sing our morning songs while getting ready for school. I will be 100% ready before the babies wake up so I can focus on them. No one will cry. I will make their pancakes and cut up banana and sippy of soy milk to take to eat with us once we get there. We will all be happy and then off to daycare we go.

Once I get there they will sit down like good children and eat their food. I will give them kisses and there will still be no crying so I can leave my happy children guilt free with Miss J, the bestest one year old teacher ever. Really, I'm not kidding, we love Miss J from when we had foster nuggets. I want to steal her for my center someday. Second to me and my expertise in childcare, if they have to start out at any place with anyone, Miss J is the winner.

So . . . what do you think the odds are of this plan happening?





Sunday, May 15, 2011

Mom Saturdays- Kidless Edition

1:00 a.m.: Ever screaming

1:30 a.m.: Ever screaming some more

2:00 a.m.: Ocean joining in on the fun

2:30 a.m: Screaming party, raise the roof!

4:00 a.m.: Quiet and sleep, finally!

7:15 a.m.: My alarm goes off and I ignore it.

7:55 a.m.: I still have not gotten up and my mom should be here by 8:30 for our road trip. I rush.

8:30 a.m.: By some miracle, I am fully ready, showered, blow dry, teeth brushed, packed up, make up, and dressed plus snuggle and dancing time with monkeys.

9:00 a.m.: My mom and I hit the road to St. Louis and on fun girls trip before she peaces out and heads back south.

11:15 a.m.: We stop for coffee and french fries and I peep this place.


If you were ever wondering if there was a place in the world that you could purchase fashion jewelry, mocassins and fireworks in the same place, you are in luck! You can in fact do that in Missouri.

11:30 a.m.: An old lady see's my chuckie because the bathroom door does not lock and apparently knocking first is too much to ask! I ALWAYS squat so the goods were available for viewing. No bueno.

1:15 p.m.: We get to St. Louis but cannot find the hotel so we head straight to the mall. We start at Macy's which was amazeballs! Three gigantic stories of Macy's. We shop for a long time. I saw this chair for the second time at Restoration Hardware.


I am in mad love with this chair. It is stunning. I can see myself sitting in the chair with my babies. We can all wear white and look like something out of a Ralph Lauren ad. While we are fantasizing we can go ahead and imagine me 30 pounds lighter, okay?

4:45 p.m.: We arrive at the hotel and freshen up for dinner. We go to Brio and eat a delicious Italian meal. I had a salad, steak bruschetta and a vodka lemonade with raspberries. Mmmm.

6:00 p.m.: We both have a major WTF moment when we see this sign.


This is not a joke, it's a real advertisement. Yucko's Terd Herding. What in the . . . . .

7:00 p.m.: We head to the hot tub with our margarita cups to relax. There are some very cute kiddos there that make me miss the twinkles but I am still having a lovely time with my mommy.



Who knew my favorite water bottle is also an excellent margarita holder?

8:45 p.m.: We are now tucked into our big fluffy hotel beds and watching a movie. It was "The Book of Eli" which was violent and gross and also totally obvious. Don't watch it.

11:15 p.m.: I turn off the tube. I wonder if my babies are tucked in well and if they miss me like I miss them. I hope Ever wants to do girls trips with me someday.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Things That Don't Bother Me

1. Twin comments. Even the "are they real?" comments have started to just make me laugh. I know twin moms sometimes get offended when someone says "oh, you have your hands full" or "better you than me" like having twins is some terrible thing. I don't care. I do have my hands full. It is overwhelming sometimes. I have mommy guilt. But I'm also thankful and happy so those comments make no difference to me. I just smile and say "yes, my hands are very full."

2. Germs. I only wash my hands after I potty. I don't sanitize the shopping cart. I don't care when Ocean eats dirt. Is that wrong?

3. Little kids whacking each other. When we were at the play area at the mall a little boy kept coming up to hug Ever. He couldn't have been much older than her, just bigger, like most kiddos her age are. His parents watched this adoringly. Then he came up and gave Ever a good whack on the head. She cried and the mom came running over. The mother was truly horrified. She came up and aplogized to me profusely. I told her it was really no big deal, it happens and to not worry about it. Honestly, I work with kids. They hit each other, bite each other, poke each other, the list could go on and on. If he had actually hurt Ever or was trying to hurt her with malice I would have been pissed but he just whacked her because he is little and he doesn't know what to do. Teach him about safe hands and nice touches and move on. Not a big deal in this house.

4. Clutter. I'm not a hoarder or anything, but piles of laundry or crafting supplies or mail laying around here or there just doesn't bother me. Hubby gets crazy, he wants everything neat and organized. I don't care. I'd rather do other stuff.

5. My diet and excercise schedule. I used to only eat Slim Fast products. I used to work out every day and never go more than 3 days without working out. During trying to make the babies I tried all kinds of special diets. Now? I do what I have time for. I know I should worry about this more, but I don't. I am permanently deformed because of twin skin so there is really only so much I can do anyway. I must accept this and go with the flow.

6. The fact that I cry in Hobby Lobby. The first time it happened it was alarming, like "wtf? Did I really just cry in Hobby Lobby because I just bought Christmas decorations for my first holiday with the babies?" Umm, yeah, I was scared. But then yesterday when I cried at Hobby Lobby when Ocean did a big sigh and then leaned in for a kiss because he just happened to need a kiss from his mommy in the scrapbooking aisle made a little happy tear pop out. This time, I was cool with it. Apparently this is going to happen every now and then. Whatevs.





Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother's Day Adventure

This Mother's Day was the BEST! Last Mother's Day I was too exhausted to enjoy it. I was so thankful then, but there was nothing in the universe I wanted more than sleeping babies and a lot of sleep myself. It was nothing like the Mother's Day before that one where I was wishing to be transported to another place or time where I wasn't an infertile person on Mother's Day, but it still wasn't exactly what I had in mind.

Mother's Day 2011 was the dope show.

The babies, with their most excellent shopping skills and their love of being blinded by the constant flashing of my camera, got their mommy a professional flash! Those babies know just what a mama wants (thanks hubby).

My boy woke up and hubby took him downstairs and left me and my girl (who was in our bed at 6 a.m.) upstairs sleeping and we slept until 8:30! Wowza, I thought it would be years before that would happen so I received another super awesome gift: SLEEP.

We all got dressed and arrived fashionably late for a breakfast with my mother in law. Hubby poured me a mimosa. Not a classy mimosa in a champagne glass, of course, but a mimosa poured into a large plastic cup. I had two and was feeling good.

Mother nature then gave me another gift: a warm and sunny day. After breakfast we ditched hubby and went to a quaint little town for antiquing and drinking.



We walked through the adorable town and looked at all the old treasures.



We ate lunch at a little town cafe. I had a turkey sandwich with raspberry mayonaise and it was tasty.



This picture scares me, because my baby looks like a little boy.


There is a liquor distillery in the town and we visited their shop. You can try the liquor for .25. Yep, a quarter. If you have never had a taste of double chocolate vodka, you should do that today.




We ended our day at the winery with a wine tasting. Ocean and Ever were DONE so I sat with them in a chair while my mom came and fed me the wine they were tasting.




We headed back home to have a steak dinner and relax. Mimosas, wine and liquor lead to a very sleepy mommy. The babies went to bed after their bedtime and we all slept hard.