Wednesday, July 28, 2010

WTF Wednesday

- I'll start with the usual, Real Housewives of New Jersey. Kim G. continued her meddling ways and stirred the pot big time. I can't wait for the fight between her and Danielle next week. I found something extremely disturbing this week. Danielle, who is the resident nutjob, has two really sweet, seemingly normal children. Their mom is an ex-con who runs around with Hell's angels and is divorced and money grubbing of her ex. Jaclyn, who seems like a really sweet person, has a daughter who is a complete disaster. Immature beyond words and loves to cause trouble. How does that happen??

- The Gosselins have reached some type of custody agreement. Jon originally wanted full custody of all the kids, which would have honestly been a disaster because he is an idiot. They didn't release details yet, but he also wanted to renegotiate his child support as it was $20,000 a month!!!! That tool has the ability to make $20K a month?? Huh?

- The second season of Teen Mom has begun. Even while going through IF, I was shamefully addicted to "16 and Pregnant." This season looks to be quite the downer, which I will admit is a good thing because I was starting to think they were making teenage pregnancy look pretty glorious. Maci took her baby daddy to court in which the court decided he should pay a grand total of $200-something in child support a month. Ouch! Another one thougth they were pregnant again and in all dramatic fashion completely believed this before taking a HPT. She even made a doctor's appointment and had the look of horror on her face while waiting for the test to come back. Why didn't she just pee on a stick at home? I don't get it. Farrah, who needs a good bitch slapping finally got one from her mom, but it was way overboard and mom ended up arrested. The whole first episode was super depressing. I didn't even watch it last night, but I might do it rerun style.

- Have you ever read the commenting section at the bottom of People magazine online? It can sometimes get pretty interesting, and for me, it is interesting when they post something about the celebrities who are older and pregnant. Here are some comments regarding Kelly Preston's baby bump:

"She looks great. You all realize that the baby most likely was conceived using a donor egg, not Kelly’s egg, right?"

"I have to agree with Amanda also. It’s high risk pregnancies that should be discussed in front of the camera. Are they simply having a baby at almost 50 bc of the sorrow of losing Jett and Celine bc her husband is in his golden years and none of the danger is transfered to him. Look Kelly already when younger had a baby (Jett) with a problem I don’t wish any of them ill but I think clearly it’s dangerous for mother and child. I hope all remain helathy.I also think that if they hadn’t been more interested in their careers then having kids we wouldn’t be discussing this at all."

"I don’t think ANYONE (mother or father) should be having kids as they approach 50+ years old.

Not only is it dangerous for the mother and child, it also robs the child, down the road, of having parents who are healthy and present.

Imagine being a teenager with a parent in his/her 60s. It’s ridiculous.

My opinion."

"I am happy that this couple are having a baby and on the other hand, not so much. They lost a son and this is extremely difficult, but having a baby at this age is a little selfish…and this is just my opinion. I wish them luck and much happiness and hope that this baby grows up with both of his parents. That’s all…"

Oy . . .. this could go on forever.

Best baby moments of the week: New experiences!! They have tried food and also gone swimming at the pool! Well, not really swimming, feet dunked in the water. And yes, I took my post-baby body to the pool in a swimsuit.



Monday, July 26, 2010

Degrees of Infertility

I guess it's silly that I didn't realize it before, but there are so many different groups of infertiles. All infertility sucks, but you realize the deeper you move into it, that people feel completely different about each other.

I am a blog-aholic. I love to read blogs and I love to read people's stories on online forums. But don't be fooled that being an infertile in your mind means that you can be in the same group as another infertile. I noticed on one forum I belong to that people are branching off big time in different directions like never before. People who have done IVF more than a few times now cannot tolerate the conversations of people who are doing it for the first or second time. Then there are people who are using other people's eggs, and that's not even the same as the new group of people who use eggs from another country. On top of that, people who are parenting children from adoption want to be separated from people who are parenting children by birth. If you think about it there are all kinds of other groups too: people who just try for a long time, people who get pregnant by a miracle in between treatments, people who undergo a lap or an HSG and then wind up pregnant, people who decide to live child-free, etc, etc.

I can completely understand this as I have thought about the separation before too. I honestly didn't even consider people who get pregnant from using Clomid as infertile for awhile. Pop a pill and get pregnant? Sounds like a dream to me! Until I remember the day I was told I have issues and need to use Clomid. It felt awful. I cried and cried. Everytime Clomid didn't work (which was 8 for me), I was upset. So then I moved on. When I read of people who got pregnant with IUI, I think they are seriously the most lucky people and I don't want to even hear about it. Until I remember that the worst place I have ever been in mentally was with the 1st and 3rd failure of IUI. I remember thinking how awful it was that I had to resort to IVF, but then soon thinking that I am extremely lucky that it was successful the first try. I even have a little experience with adoption from when we decided we would not do IVF and got licensed as foster parents. I remember talking to a pregnant woman when we had our little foster baby that we hoped to adopt thinking we had something in common as we were both "expecting" a baby, when she made the asshat comment that at least if I didn't like my kid I could give it back but she had to keep hers. Infertility is such a rollercoaster. There is so much pain and jealousy involved, because no matter what, pregnancy is supposed to be free and easy (or so we were all told as teenagers).

I think after all the treatments I just became very desensitized to how hard it is at any phase of treatment after passing each phase. I also have to understand that I truly don't know what it's like to have had to move onto adoption because I naively thought that once you are a parent, you're a parent, and you are now all in the same club. It would be hard to listen to talk of birth and breastfeeding when you didn't experience it. I want to remember where I came from, but being in normal mommy groups without all the scars and pain is so much easier so sometimes it's sad to be a part of the infertility groups that I needed so much while in treatments. I'm trying to now work on the place where I can be sensitive to what others are going through but also not forget to enjoy without reservation every second of the bliss of having my babies. It's a weird place, but I've only been here for 3 months, so hopefully I will get it figured out someday and it did take over 3 years to get here.



Saturday, July 24, 2010

Three - It's a Magic Number

That's a song by the way . . .

My monkeys had their three month old birthday on Thursday! I can't believe it. Their personalities are showing more and more everyday. Special things happened for their birthday . . .

1. We got their 3 month pictures taken at Target (gotta throw that in there for copyright purposes)! We didn't get many picture because after the MOST adorable smiles you have ever seen it quickly went to screaming and it was hotter than the Devil in the studio.







2. Mommy, Daddy and Grandma ate cupcakes from Smallcakes!


These cupcakes were so stinkin' good I can't even describe it to you, the frosting was a little chunk of heaven.

3. The babies got to eat too!! Yes, the pedi recommends between 4-6 months, but I know my babies are ready and mommy knows best. Ever does much better than Ocean and they have just had some once a day. We used organic brown rice cereal mixed with their soy formula. On every online community moms freak out if someone feeds their baby food before 4 months, but in real life I don't know a single person who actually waited until 4 months so if you are thinking of leaving a comment about how it's so bad for them don't bother. hehe



It was a fun filled week!

That being said, there will be no "Weight Watching" tomorrow. I absolutely refuse to hit the scale, mostly out of intense fear. I didn't have the time to work out once, I ate Oreos dunked in peanut butter for lunch one day, and see above the photo of the cupcakes. I guarantee they are at least 1,000 calories apiece and there are none left. Hopefully next week will be better! I also got my monthly gift for the first time in over a year, so that was just great. One of my favorite movie quotes of all time came from one of the "South Park" movie characters in reference to women: "I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." True that . . .

Thursday, July 22, 2010

WTF Wednesday

Yes, I know today is Thursday, but I am now gainfully employed and staying up all night with little monkeys so I sometimes lose track of things . . . .

- I am still weirded out by the whole Mel Gibson business. Isn't it crazy? I'm not condoning the nutso stuff he is saying, but isn't obvious she is egging him on? And if he broke her teeth why didn't she call the police when it happened in January? Again, the guy is obviously a few french fries short of a Happy Meal, but the whole situation seems off. Radar Online is slowly leaking more and more of the tapes, which is also weird. Things that make you go hmmm . . ..

- Tiger Woods took a big hit from his cheating ways and only made $90 million as opposed to his previous earnings of $128 million the year before. Boo hoo.

- People have been a little on the edge in the blogosphere and in online forums these days. I've seen a war of words regarding "cyber bullies," there was recently a big to-do about the always aggravating quote on a facebook page about how not trying will lead to pregnancy, and a few angry comments around from anonymous posters. It is no secret that people say many things to others online that they wouldn't have the cajones to say in real life. When I visit blogs, I usually go by the old saying "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." I consider blogs journals and if I don't like it I move on. It's a little different when you are participating in an online forum so if you are sensitive or easily offended you just shouldn't do it. I'm really not into the anonymous posters though. The next rule of thumb in my book is "if you have nothing nice to say but you are going to say it anyway, you better have the balls to put your name on it or don't say it all."

- WTF of the week goes to a Federal court ruling that cheerleading is not a sport. Who in the F#$% cares about that???? The people of our society should be beyond pissed that tax dollars are funding something so stupid. Ugh . . . . Who has the time for this shit?

Best baby moment of the week: Ocean slept from 11:00 p.m. until 5:50 a.m. last night, woo hoo!!! I cannot believe how big my babies are getting. We are going to celebrate tonight and eat some cupcakes in their honor. :) They are 3 months old today!



Sunday, July 18, 2010

Weight Watching 7/18

Week #2

Current weight: 154.0 (down 1.6 from last week, 155.6)

Lbs to goal: 14

Diet: I traded my anything diet for high fiber cereal and snacks and I ate a salad for lunch everyday with dark skinned fruit like grapes and strawberries. I upped my water intake quite a bit. I traded my evening baked good binges for a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich every night.

Slip-ups: The usual, sugar. I ate a "Like It" sized bowl of ice cream from Cold Stone yesterday and I also had cookies, a Snickers and an Almond Joy throughout the week. I just love sugar!!


- 30 minutes cardio, weights, abs: 2
- 30 minutes cardio: 1
- Weights and abs: 3

I didn't lose a ton of weight but I am not attempting a crash diet, I want these 15 pounds gone and I want them to stay away so I have to do something I can live with. I need to continue to work on the sugar issue. I tried to at least do abs every night to work on those core muscles that got stretched to the max and then sliced and diced (not a great combo I don't think for attractiveness). I'm hoping that I didn't lose much weight because I'm gaining muscle for this flabby body that didn't see a workout for nearly a year! Woo hoo!

Friday, July 16, 2010

On Breastfeeding

If you are a long time reader of this blog, you know that I didn't really care for trying to breastfeed and wasn't planning on doing it. Well, after my c-section, I suddenly felt the panic and wanted to at least try it.

I attempted to breastfeed as soon as the babies and I were back in our room. Neither one of them latched or got anything, which isn't abnormal for the first try, but due to my gestational diabetes the kiddos had low blood sugar. I was really bummed about it because I had been diligent with my diet and meds, but it didn't seem to help. Then they suddenly took Ocean away because they said he needed help breathing. It was crazy! Due to the low blood sugar, the babies could not have just breast milk, they had to have formula so that their sugars could get regulated. So they both got really used to the nipple and trying to breastfeed was just a nightmare for me. They cried and cried and I was so tired I just wanted them to eat, so pumping commenced.

I know people think breastfeeding takes dedication, and it does, but pumping REALLY takes dedication. Not only are you breastfeeding, but you're doing it without that bond that you get by having the baby actually on the breast. I can't explain how it happened, but I just wanted them to have the breast milk.

Attempting to pump enough for two babies was way stressful. My body felt like I had the flu, I was in pain and exhausted. Because of spending that time pumping, I hardly had time to care for myself. I told my OB how crappy I felt and it turns out my liver wasn't functioning properly. Ocean was very fussy so at 6 weeks I put him on soy formula and I felt SO bad. Ocean didn't suffer too much though because he did much better not on the breast milk.

At 8 weeks I finished Ever with the breast milk and now they are both on soy formula. We are able to go more places and I feel 100% better. Even when I started weaning I felt better that I did breastfeeding.

Basically, for me, breastfeeding sucked big ones. People constantly ask me if I breastfeed and I think it is so rude because then they lay the guilt trip on you and say "well, at least they got nutrition for the first 6/8 weeks." There is PLENTY of nutrition in formula. As you have seen by the many photos I post on here, my babies are healthy and beautiful in everyway. I wanted to share this with you in case you experience the same thing do NOT feel bad and don't let people make you think your babies will be any less healthy without it. This isn't a popular thing to say, but people are delusional to think that breast milk alone is going to make your baby super healthy. I was breastfed and I had asthma, allergies and recurring ear infections. My three siblings were not breastfed and had none of those problems so if you are going to have health issues, you are going to.

I will include the good points I had with breastfeeding though too. Weight loss, major weight loss. Who can complain about that? I did try it so I will never look back and wonder if I should have so it was worth it in that respect. I know that it's healhty and pure and what a mom's body is intended to do, so I'm glad they had that part of me but I don't consider my children any better than anyone's child who did not have breast milk. Also, it's free! Formula is way expensive.

Moral of the story: do whatever you want to! Breastfeed if you want to, bottle feed if you want to. As long as your baby is healthy that's all that matters so don't be guilted into anything either way. If you want to breastfeed until your kid is 3, do it! And a lesson to everyone: mind your own breasts, asking strangers about their feeding choices is rude, and kind of weird, especially with the intent to make them feel guilty, so get over yourself. In my case, my experience as a new mommy was much better when I stopped doing it, just as in other cases, it's a very special time for a new mommy. Everyone is different.



Wednesday, July 14, 2010

WTF Wednesday

- So I waited for two weeks for the big fight on Real Housewives of New Jersey, and honestly, it was a little boring. Funny, but boring. Basically Danielle started get yelled at and went running down the hall screaming and hiding in the bushes at which point one of the Housewives daughters pulled her hair. Danielle is crazy and all these women need to get a life. I truly can't imagine having so much money that I have the time to get involved in that much drama. But I'm glad somebody does because it's entertaining for me!

- Lindsey Lohan is going to jail for violating the terms of her probation. I don't understand why anyone cares about this but some lady on HLN who wants to be Nancy Grace is beyond pissed that she probably won't serve her entire sentence due to jail overcrowding. This is a WTF for me because I find it seriously irritating that anyone goes to jail for nonviolent crimes. To me, jail is for people who are an immediate threat to my safety. They should make a mandatory rehab where you can't check out because I really am not interested in paying my tax dollars to lock away people for things that aren't really harmful to me. And why didn't they lock her up after her second DUI? Why did they let this go on for three years (the time of the last offense)? I think that would have been more effective because that was when she commited an actual crime that is a threat to people. Our legal system is a hot ridiculous mess.

- I hate to admit that I watch Toddlers and Tiaras. I also hate to admit that after watching it I find it a hobby that isn't that big of a deal. You will never see Ocean and Ever in a kiddie pageant, but if other people want to do it, it doesn't bother me. Well, this week there was a three way tie in the 3 year old category. They announced that they break the tie according to facial beauty. OUCH! Obviously the three year olds had no idea what was happening but you should have seen the looks on the moms faces of the two that didn't win. Telling a parent that their 3 year old is not as beautiful as other three years olds could be deadly.

-The WTF of the week goes to Mel Gibson! If there's something I can't stand, it's a woman who uses a child for money, which his ex is clearly doing. But holy crap, can you BELIEVE the things he said? And he already did this once before. What a total nut job!Calling her a bitch in heat and using the n-word, good grief! Asking her about her fake boobs, as if he doesn't know, he got her knocked up. Career suicide. I'll cross my fingers Oprah does an interview with him before her show goes off, can you imagine? Or maybe have him on "The View." There's something wrong with people . . . . And really Mel Gibson, does this shock you? You got this woman pregnant while you were still married, she is obviously not a class act. WTF? And neither are you, so you should probably have tried to make this relationship work.

Best baby moment of the week: Ocean and Ever are realizing each other's existence. It is so cute. Ever smiles at him and he looks at her if she is crying. I love it! I can't wait to see them playing together!


Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I Survived!

My first day of work was truly not that bad, I can't believe it! I did my fair share of carrying on last week and had one last breakdown the night before and really couldn't sleep that much. But the day of I put on my big girl panties and I didn't cry at all. Of course I watched the clock all day, but I work with kids and they were SOOO excited to see Miss Ashley so it made my day a little easier.

On the way home I was so nervous. I know they know I'm their mama, but they're just little babies so I thought they would forget about me. When I came in the door they both stared at me and I held them and played with them and they were happy. So I was happy. I even missed the Bachelorette because I was too busy getting snuggles from my sweeties.

I would still much rather be with them, but for now this seems manageable. I did come up with a genius plan to be with them next school year and it doesn't even include winning the lottery. It's an actual, real, feasible plan so we will see.


Saturday, July 10, 2010

Weight Watching 7/11

No, I'm not going to Weight Watchers. I'm poor and I have no time so instead of paying to have random strangers hold me accountable to my weight my new brilliant idea is to have YOU, my wonderful and trusted internet strangers, hold me accountable to my weight. This is really scary for me because I am going to admit my weight to you. EEEK! I have lost all 34 pounds that I gained during pregnancy (this did not include my IVF weight gain, which was pretty sizeable) so this is all pure body fat I want to get rid of. After I quit breastfeeding (we will save that for another post) I immediately gained 5 pounds.

Week #1

Current weight: 155.6

Lbs to goal: 15.6

Diet: None right now. I eat tons of protein bars because they are easy and then anything else I feel like eating.

Slip-ups: Since the babies I haven't had enough water, I used to drink tons of water. I have also had a few binge eating experiences, especially since I was sweet deprived due to gestational diabetes and I have a mega sweet tooth.

Excercise: This week I only had time for 2 work outs. Once was 25 minutes of cardio, the other was 30 minutes of cardio plus abs and the thigh master.

I'm posting photos now, but not anymore for three months. My last trainer said that it takes 90 days for a complete body tranformation so you will get an update then.

My old butt, legs and waist (hubby was supposed to be taking pictures of the hot spring):


First preggo picture:


Last preggo picture:


The gut, 2 and a half months post birth:


If you know me in real life and don't think it looks this big, the camera doesn't add ten pounds. I ALWAYS wear Spanx or control top panties, sometimes even to bed.

Let's hope for a few pounds off by next Sunday!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Lights, Camera, Monkeys

I have finally figured out the video camera and how to get things on the computer. I'm sure it doesn't take a genius, but I'm not a genius so don't be surprised.

Anyway . . .

The babies in action!!

First we have Ever. She has the craziest little chicken legs I've ever seen and I LOVE to get her all crazied up. Prepare yourself in both videos for my super embarassing baby talk voice.

Ocean is the happiest, sweetest little monkey on the planet. Here is a smile and a coo for your enjoyment:

Now take a few moments to recover from the cuteness . . .

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

What the F Wednesday

This is my new mid-week venting tradition, please join in! The babies and I are reality TV junkies so that will usually be the topic (seriously, Ever loves reality TV).

- Bravo: Why did you tempt me with the last episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey and the huge catfight about to ensue between Theresa and crazy Danielle? I was so excited and they cut it off and then didn't air the new episode this week! Now I have to wait a whole week for the bulk of the craziness and I think someone gets arrested. I can't wait!

- Ali on the Bachelorette: The men you dump don't feel any better when you dump them and then talk to them in a baby voice.

- The peak of all awesomeness this week was the fight between Jake and Vienna from last season of the Bachelor. He was a complete tool when he kept talking about her "undermining" him. WHAT?? Those terms are for the 1950's, in 2010 women folk don't need to "mind" men folk. Get with the program. Vienna, who has been married once and engaged twice by the age of 26, can't handle a real relationship which is sometimes boring and you aren't as intimate as the first month you met. Big shock. I didn't know this was going to happen so it was a special treat for me while doing abs after my workout watching the end of the Bachelorette because the Real Housewives weren't on.

- Americans: What do you really expect the President to do about the oil spill? The people who own it and caused it don't know what to do about it. Get off his grill.

- You will all be shocked and awed by this, but I actually watched some of the Duggars while on maternity leave. And . . . I kind of like them. Our spiritual views aren't in sync and I still don't get the necessity of all those kids, but I would let Michelle babysit. And their kids are cute. Being a mommy has made me soft . . .

-What the F$%^ of the week goes to this woman of real genius, who decided that she has created a new phenomenon that she has coined "Preservation IVF." She does not know if she is infertile or not, she just decided to go through IVF to freeze 5 embryos just in case she is because she and her husband do not think they will be ready to have kids until they are 40, so they need some insurance so they don't have to do, what is her term, "desperation IVF." They want to be financially able to not work much when they have children and that will take awhile, although they had enough money to do IVF for fun, which qualifies you as a freak in itself. She did tons of research and seems to be pretty proud of herself for avoiding infertility. HA!! Well, Miss Smug Genius Infertility-Avoider, I have news for you! Being 40 is not the only barrier to fertility. I popped my first fertility drug at the ripe old age of 23. Also, you have no idea if those frosties will survive the thaw, which many don't. You're a moron and you have just officially made that known to the entire world. Not to mention the fact that you have basically slapped every infertile woman across the face. Thanks, we needed that.

Lesson of the week: I learned that salad tastes better when you have had a brownie with cream cheese frosting as an appetizer and some of the frosting is still on the fork. YUM!

Best baby moments: Ever has started really taking notice of other babies and it is so cute. This moment isn't great for Ocean, but it is sweet for me (I know, evil). He has been having nightmares but as soon as I pick him up and kiss his chubby cheeks, he relaxes and falls back asleep and I love it.

Anyone else? Agree, disagree, anything randomly exciting happen to you this week?

Please note that I will never leave you without photos:



Monday, July 5, 2010

Just one more week . . . .

. . . . until I have to leave my precious babies and go back to work. It devastates me and I hate it. We went through the budget thoroughly and there is no hope for me to be at home with the critters. We are extrememly lucky that for the first year they will be staying in our home with my mom instead of going to a daycare. I am trying my best to enjoy the today and not worry about tomorrow, but it's hard. I have one year to devise a genius plan to stay at home or win the lottery. I don't buy lottery tickets so we know what I'm left with. Genius plan. I don't have one.

It's more about benefits than anything else. I am a government employee so my benefits are almost free. We can just about swing the bills, but the extreme cost of benefits at hubby's small company would be killer and obviously private insurance is expensive as well. So one of my plans could be moving to Canada.

When we had foster kiddos, one of them was sick and we had to take him to the ER. He was covered under state assistance and we paid $0 for his visit, which is much less expensive than what I would have paid with good insurance. So I could be a drug addicted neglectful parent and they would be taken care of.

Canada isn't very practical, but drug addiction is definitely a no go.

I'm crossing my fingers that going back to work won't be as bad as I envision in my mind. I will go to work and it will be nice to do adult things and then I will come home and cherish every moment with my monkeys in the mornings, evenings, weekends and holidays and it really won't be that big of a deal because millions of other women do it. That's all I can hope for I guess.

To cheer you up after all of that whining, here are some multi-cultural monkeys to brighten your day:



Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Question

I have been asked this question in real life on several occasions, so I thought I'd address it here in case you are wondering:

Will you do it again?

If this is being asked in reference to IVF, the answer right now is no. I will never say never, but the thought of going through that process makes my stomach churn. Worrying about the money and all the emotions that go into it, especially in the two week wait, I just don't think I want to. I haven't forgotten that I went through infertility, but it does seem like a distant memory right now. The babies have only been here two months but I can hardly remember being pregnant, let alone the horror of infertility. My heart breaks as I continue to follow other people's battles, but to be really honest, my world is now for my babies. I don't see the need to hold onto that hurt when I look into their little faces. When I am chatting with other mommy's and they are discussing when they will have their next, it does sting a little bit to think that I don't have that luxury, but the sting fades away quickly (much like a shot to the gut of hormones). When I think about all the emotions and how sad and awful it was, I don't think it would be fair to put my babies through me having those emotions again. And truly, I don't want to do that to myself. We have one frozen embryo and we can discuss FET in the future or giving the embryo to someone else, but doing the full process of IVF again is not something that I want. Being pregnant and infertile is terrifying as well, but being a mommy is being a mommy, no matter how you get there, and it's a beautiful thing!

If this is in reference to being pregnant, I guess if down the road we had a natural pregnancy I could see it, but again, I don't really need to think about that. I have two beautiful and healthy babies, why take the chance on anything else? I recently read on another forum about "what is your number?" Hubby and I don't have a number. We are not trying to fill some type of quota, we are enjoying Ocean and Ever and will hold onto our frozen embryo to discuss when they are three. We don't want to miss a moment of their babyhood and we want to shower them with attention. They are just so fulfilling I can't picture more biological children in our lives. If we had a natural pregnancy anytime in the near future by accident, I would be in panic mode. I can't imagine it.

So that's that! I would go through IVF again and again to get these two (even though it would be impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel if I had to). I would do all the failures with Clomid and IUI's, I would do the therapy, the sadness, the days in bed crying for Ocean and Ever because they are my dream come true. I don't feel like I need anything else in life (except a couple million dollars would be nice but I don't want to be greedy, ha ha).

In other news: they slept all night! From 11 p.m. until 6 a.m. It's a miracle ya'll!