Saturday, July 3, 2010

The Question

I have been asked this question in real life on several occasions, so I thought I'd address it here in case you are wondering:

Will you do it again?

If this is being asked in reference to IVF, the answer right now is no. I will never say never, but the thought of going through that process makes my stomach churn. Worrying about the money and all the emotions that go into it, especially in the two week wait, I just don't think I want to. I haven't forgotten that I went through infertility, but it does seem like a distant memory right now. The babies have only been here two months but I can hardly remember being pregnant, let alone the horror of infertility. My heart breaks as I continue to follow other people's battles, but to be really honest, my world is now for my babies. I don't see the need to hold onto that hurt when I look into their little faces. When I am chatting with other mommy's and they are discussing when they will have their next, it does sting a little bit to think that I don't have that luxury, but the sting fades away quickly (much like a shot to the gut of hormones). When I think about all the emotions and how sad and awful it was, I don't think it would be fair to put my babies through me having those emotions again. And truly, I don't want to do that to myself. We have one frozen embryo and we can discuss FET in the future or giving the embryo to someone else, but doing the full process of IVF again is not something that I want. Being pregnant and infertile is terrifying as well, but being a mommy is being a mommy, no matter how you get there, and it's a beautiful thing!

If this is in reference to being pregnant, I guess if down the road we had a natural pregnancy I could see it, but again, I don't really need to think about that. I have two beautiful and healthy babies, why take the chance on anything else? I recently read on another forum about "what is your number?" Hubby and I don't have a number. We are not trying to fill some type of quota, we are enjoying Ocean and Ever and will hold onto our frozen embryo to discuss when they are three. We don't want to miss a moment of their babyhood and we want to shower them with attention. They are just so fulfilling I can't picture more biological children in our lives. If we had a natural pregnancy anytime in the near future by accident, I would be in panic mode. I can't imagine it.

So that's that! I would go through IVF again and again to get these two (even though it would be impossible to see the light at the end of the tunnel if I had to). I would do all the failures with Clomid and IUI's, I would do the therapy, the sadness, the days in bed crying for Ocean and Ever because they are my dream come true. I don't feel like I need anything else in life (except a couple million dollars would be nice but I don't want to be greedy, ha ha).

In other news: they slept all night! From 11 p.m. until 6 a.m. It's a miracle ya'll!




  1. Cuteness. I'm glad that you are enjoying your little ones and that your infertility is now a distant memory... I think that's what we all hope for ourselves. :)

  2. Congrats on the full night of sleep! They are beautiful - I love how their arms are intertwined. (inter-TWIN-ed)

    We don't want to be outnumbered. It took us 5 years to get pregnant and the IF label has faded, but we're happy. And old. And done.


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