Monday, March 22, 2010


I have heard this word in regard to my infertile status quite a few times.

The most common question that leads to this:

"Do twins run in your family?" - Nope, I did IVF. Although hubby's grandma did inform us that there are several sets of boy/girl twins in his lineage. FAR up in the lineage, but still.

But my favorite conversations that lead to this are with medical professionals. Here is my conversation with the L&D nurse that started my bedrest:

"Twins, wow! Do they run in your family or did you use Clomid?"

"Well, I did use Clomid but it didn't work, so our twins are a product of IVF."

She flips through my chart she just made . . .

"Really? You're so young for that!" - Yes, I know.

My conversation with the nurse at the specialist:

"This is an IVF pregnancy I see. Oh, you're 26. IVF at 26, really?"

"It actually occurred when I was 25." - For some reason that ended the conversation. :)

I am by no means a patient individual. I didn't make it the full year of ttc before I demanded the doctor figure out what was going on. I jumped on the drug induced fertility express at 24 years old. I do admire women who try and try for many years before they go for the big guns, but that's just not my style. I wanted a family and it was a hard choice and a huge gamble. Even though the nurse at the hospital thought I was an egg donor and then told me I was too young to be doing IVF, it didn't get me down!

I know that because I am open about this I invite annoying comments, so I don't take them to heart. Lots of people tell me that if they were in my shoes, they would NEVER do IVF. Some people just say that and some give me reasons. I don't need their explanations because I didn't ask anyone to do IVF. Yes, I am a 26 year old who looks a little more on the late teen, maybe 21 year old side and yes, I am pregnant, yes, I am married, and yes, I am pregnant because of IVF!! This doesn't bother me to explain and I'm not ashamed of it. But I had my own "really??" moment . . .

Someone asked if our children would know about this. I guess they will because we have photos of them, photos that I cherish, as embryos. Most babies don't have that in their baby book. I think it's cool, but never took into consideration that it might affect people. I could understand people judging me, but I never thought that anyone would judge my children.

I'm not going to hide this from my kids and it's something that will cross people's minds forever because they are twins, but I will have to think about how this will be delivered to them now. I'm not going to spend too much time worrying about it because it will be years before they even think to ask that. One thing I know for sure is that if anyone treats my beautiful, perfect, cherished petri babies any differently than a "normal kid" (what is a normal kid anyway?) they will experience a wrath from this bitch they have never experienced in their lifetime!


  1. I am so happy for you Ashley. Wow, how rude of people for judging you because you done IVF at 25! I am seriouslly do you hear doctors complaining to their 14-16 year old patients for becoming pregnant at such a young age?! Nah, they still go on and congradulate them! ICK! What an example they are setting! Least you ARE married, have a job, and a sturdy home and loving enviroment to bring them home in!!!

  2. I saw you mention the embryo photos on HT and I am very jealous! That's not a photo op many people get!! (we only did IUI... and we did the years on our own thing before spending a few years with doctors to get to that point. Luckily for me, IUI worked and we never really had to take that deep breath and discuss IVF.)

    As a 41 year old mother of 4 year old twins, let me say - I wish I had gotten pregnant in my mid twenties many days. I might have more patience now, but I sure had more energy then. And even the patience level is up for discussion.

    In my experience, more people asked about conception during pregnancy. Once the kids are born, they are going to be more focused on "fraternal or identical"... you will be amazed at how many people are going to ask you that with a boy and a girl in that stroller!! I have given too many short biology lessons in shopping malls.

    Now, the kids are several inches and 8 pounds different and people rarely even ask me if they are twins anymore.

    As far as I know, twins and Dad don't have any connection. Only Mom can affect fraternal twins (more than one egg releasing.) Identicals are a fluke no matter what. My grandmother had a set that I never knew about until I had mine, so if I want to shut people up quickly, I can say yes, they run in my family.

    I definitely agree with telling the kids when the time comes. Really, can you think of two kids who were wanted more? or were loved more? I mean, anyone willing to conceive children when their spouse isn't even in the room is head over heels in love with both their spouse and those precious kids!! I think it is a perfect fairy tale beginning and any child should be proud to have that be their story!

  3. Thanks for this post! Even though I'm not pregnant with twins, some of the comments from people get a little old. I've been mistaken for a donor several times - and my last ultrasound tech almost had a heart attack when she saw my poor enlarged ovaries.

    I know that it might not be the right choice for everyone but I think it's great that you are being honest with people about IVF. I think if people talked about it more, then it wouldn't seem like such a "big deal" to the uninformed (and lucky) masses.

  4. I, too, think it's great that you are being open about IVF. My husband and I decided to be open, too. We're not's what we had to do. Why should we "keep it quiet"? We have all of our u/s pictures on the refrigerator, starting with the first picture of the embryo. We decided to leave all of the pictures up for the baby shower this past weekend. Those who knew about the IVF thought it was a neat first picture to have. Those who didn't know about the IVF yet (which I think was only one person), found out.

    DH and I plan to get a couple of IVF-related onesies that we saw online. Some people who have not gone through IF may not find the humor funny, but DH and I laughed for hours while looking at the different onesies and t-shirts.

    We also fully intend to tell our child how she was conceived. Maybe I'll do it when I give her "The Talk", so she doesn't come home from 7th grade health class saying, "Ewwww! You did THAT to create me???" (To which I can honestly tell her, "No, we didn't.")

  5. I cant stand rude doctors. When my sister got pregnant, the first doctor she went to made a comment about her being too young and then went on to make another comment about her feelings that my sister was going to miscarry. WHERE ARE YOUR BEDSIDE MANNERS?!?! I told my sister to send a picture of my nephew there EVERY Christmas!
    I'm happy for you that you finally got pregnant! and with twins....thats awesome! I wish you the best of luck!


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