Tuesday, March 23, 2010

The Dignity Train Has Left the Station

Although I have come to a place where I thoroughly enjoy my leisurely schedule, sometimes I must admit the dignity train has left the station and I'm still standing here watching it leave.

I feel more rested, which is good for my crazy mind and I have far less contractions than I had several weeks ago, which is the point, so there is success! I feel smarter because I have all day to read about health care reform or research educational opportunities for myself in the future. I can read tons of blogs and leave lots of comments. It's fun. These are the good things.

Then today, in just a period of one hour, I have embarassed myself twice.

1. I am in the final season of Big Love. Who knew a fictional religious polygamists in Utah could be so entertaining? I finished the last DVD of Season 2 last night so after my daily lunch with hubby I headed to Blockbuster. In front of Blockbuster were about 5 cops, with lights on, pulling a person and all kinds of goodies from a vehicle in the parking lot. By goodies I mean bags of who knows what, alcohol and other things that didn't look safe. They were kind of wandering around so I wasn't completely certain that there wasn't another criminal around. There were no other cars in the parking lot so this was obviously deterring other people from going.

BUT . . I have a schedule. And my schedule includes Big Love in the afternoons. Do I risk my life obtaining the first two discs of Season 3 by going in the back parking lot alone and into the store or do I just come back later?

You guessed it! I went in and got my DVDs! I did take precautions of course, I carefully surveyed the back parking lot, I peeked around the corner before making my way to the front door and I stood in the front door way until I was able to be fairly certain that there were no crazies still lurking (besides myself of course).

The value of my life 0 + the value of my DVDs 1 = NO DIGNITY!

2. I got home and really needed to go to the bathroom to the point that I had cramps. I relieved myself and then stood up. I reached for the tp and there was a steady stream rolling down my leg.

Holy SH@#$! My water broke! The babies are coming! I stood paralyzed for a few seconds. I decided in my fear to wipe it and see what it was like.

Turns out I just tinkled on myself. Yep, peed down my leg, while standing next to the toilet. Again, no dignity!

Sigh . . . .


  1. Hahahaha... you are one crazy pregnant lady!!!! Glad you made it out okay! :)

  2. OMG you crack me up!!! I'm a huge Big Love fan!! I would have taken the chance if I were you too.

  3. You are just too funny! I love reading your posts:)...smiling here...Lori

  4. That is so funny! Those sound like great pregnancy stories =)

  5. Isn't cyber space great? Because, in real life, I probably wouldn't admit to someone who just said they peed on themselves that I knew what they were talking about. But, for me, it was not being able to get out of bed and into the bathroom in the middle of the night.

    After my H2O broke and I went to L&D, the nurse accused me of peeing on myself, (claiming the fluid she tested wasn't amniotic) and I told her, "no, I know what that is like." So, I stood up, let fluid leak onto the floor in a puddle and told her, "test that." Gee, I was right.

  6. Wow..... I am laughing so hard right now Ashley. Seriously I pee on myself quiet frequently!!! AND NEVER BEEN PREGNANT!!! lol. Can't wait to see what happens when I do!! LOL. Needless to say, after watching and videotaping my niece being born today......ya.....lol. Not too sure on that one. She has an epideral...DIDNT FEEL A THING!!! She was laying there smiling the whole time!! Was amazing!!!! Can't wait til you have the monkeys!! My sisters baby (dr predicted 6ish pounds) 9 lb 2.6 OZ!!!!


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