Tonight I picked up my 4 year old cousin, Stinky T, to come over and have a sleepover. She is my little partner in crime and always keeps me entertained. We decided on the way home to my house we would stop and the movie theater to see if there were any movies we wanted to see.
Here is our conversation:
Stinky T: Look Ashley, the moon is following us.
Me: That sneaky moon creeping up on us.
Stinky T: Is Santa real?
Me: Yes he is!
Stinky T: Is the Easter Bunny real?
Me: Of course!
Stinky T: Are punkins real?
Me: No, pumpkins are vegetables.
Stinky T: Well you better watch your punkins just to make sure.
Me: Should we go to the movie theater and see a movie on our way home?
Stinky T: That would be wonderful! I hope there is a Scooby Doo movie because he is so funny.
Me: I don't think there are any Scooby Doo movies out right now.
Stinky T: Well, I have a good feeling about this.
I didn't make this up, but she was right! She chose to see the animated movie "Up." I learned from my IF board that this is not a friend to us infertiles. She really wanted to see it, so I figured I could handle it. *SPOILERS AHEAD* It starts with a short film about all these storks delivering babies and puppies and things like that. Each stork has a fluffy pink cloud friend that makes these cute little things and then the stork gets the joy of delivering it. There is a dark, shitty cloud that can't make anything right. His stork is a spaz because it's always betting it's ass kicked by these things the dark cloud is making. But they stick together nonetheless. First lesson learned, my poor baby is stuck up there somewhere with a shit cloud and a retarded stork. What?? It's a better explanation than my "unexplained" infertility diagnosis.
Next comes the actual movie "Up." Long story short, sweet couple meets as children, perfectly matched and gets married someday. They are laying on a blanket enjoying their lives watching clouds when the clouds turn into babies and they really want one. They paint the nursery and get excited. Movie cues to the couple at the ob's office, with the doctor shaking his head, the wife crying with her head in her hands, and the husband hugging her. She is then in their yard staring listlessly off into space with a head of messy hair (oh, have I been there). The husband tries to cheer her up and they live a happy life together, just the two of them. (lots more happens in the movie but this is the part that is important to this post, so I haven't ruined the whole thing for you)
Even though my heart stopped and I came dangerously close to embarassing myself with blubbering at a Disney movie, the point really hit home with me. It all started with their love for each other and that's how it ended. It made me think of my hubby and all we have been through together recently. So this is for you baby!
My dearest husband,
I love you so much. When I am not with you, I always feel like I am missing something. I fill up my days with work and other activities until you come home. Since our first date, we have been inseparable. After all the fun times we've had together, we got hit hard with this infertility mess. You have not faltered even once through these hard times. You remain upbeat and always supportive. You give me snuggles when I need them and let me wipe mascara and snot all over your shirts. You make me laugh and keep me happy. You send me texts that say nothing but "I love you" exactly when I need them. Even when I am hopped up on hormones and steroids and out of my mind throwing freshly folded towels at you, you still love me, hold me, and make me feel better. Even though it sucks for you, you always smile. The nurses love you for making jokes about jerking off after you turn in your specimen to them for treatments. You work so hard and do anything that you have to so that we can have a good life together. Something like this has the power to tear couples apart, but I only feel closer to you and love you even more each day than I thought I did the day before.
Even though I want nothing more in the world than to make you a daddy, I know if it doesn't happen you will stand by me and we will share a beautiful life together. A baby is born somewhere in the world every 7 seconds, but someone like you is so rare that I feel like having found you out of a whole world of people is as amazing and lucky as winning the lottery. Once we get through these hard times, I know that no matter what I will have a lifetime of adventure with you, the love of my life!
Love forever with all my heart,