Thursday, July 9, 2009

F.A.Q. of the Day

Q. Why don't you just adopt?

A. First of all, adoption is an amazing thing that I would love to do. So many families have been put together because of adoption and it is a beautiful thing. I totally get this question and why people ask. I am currently a Foster Parent and hope that one day a child will be placed in our home that will be part of our forever family.

Secondly, nobody "just" adopts. It is a process. It is an expensive process, just like ART. Someone comes to your home and analyzes everything about you. Your relationship, your childhood, your family life, your home and your finances. There is a myth out there that there are millions of healthy newborns just waiting to plucked from bad homes to adoptive families. Nope. There are many children, namely teenagers, who need to be adopted. That's not what you had in mind was it? Can you imagine how difficult it would be to put a child up for adoption? Giving your child up for adoption is not for the faint of heart, it takes only the strongest, bravest and most amazing women to be able to know they can't care for their child, give birth to them, and then place them into the hands of new parents. This is not something that happens everyday. Whether you adopt domestically or internationally, you wait, and sometimes wait and wait and wait . . . . I believe the average for most agencies we looked into was a year for most people. A year after you get done with the Home Study process and paperwork nonsense. Thank you for asking this question, because it is reasonable, but please don't suggest this to someone struggling with infertility. It is one of those questions.

Lastly, this is a personal choice. Hubby and I still have a chance at this point through IVF to make a baby together. To look at our baby and decide if she has my nose or Mike's eyes. If he has Mike's ability to do math or my ability to run far. Is that Grandpa's sense of humor? Or is that Grandma's curly hair? We still have a chance, and we are going to give it to ourselves, but if at the end of this journey we come out empty handed (not gonna happen, not gonna happen) we will be pleased to build our family through adoption.


  1. I am starting my 2nd IUI cycle this month...I am so thankful you are writing this journey of you life. I too, think I will do what I can to have a child that has my hubby's baby blues before I adopt. Good luck!

  2. I think people just don't know what to say so they blurt out the pat stuff that comes to mind. Kind of like at funerals. In the end, you should follow your heart! You and your DH know what's best for you!

  3. Well said! I just had exactly that question on my first fertility fundraiser eBay auction. I blogged about it here.

    Crazy the stuff people ask. But to be honest I'm glad they ask. Because the rest of the world needs to be educated on what we go through.


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