Tabloids=Depression

I love good, old fashioned gossip anyway I can get it. It's one of my many vices. It's just not a good day unless I've checked Perez and his twisted version of the day's news. Today while in line to purchase my Rx for Metformin (another infertility gem), InTouch magazine grabbed my attention. OMG, Jon from Jon and Kate plus 8 is engaged!!!??? I got home to my parents house (I'm on vacation) and read through the magazine. And to my horror, I came across a picture of Nicole Richie's big pregnant belly in a bikini.

Cue the trippy music and travel back in time with me. I was driving to work and heard on the radio that Nicole Richie's first pregnancy had been confirmed. I was livid with anger because I had been trying a whopping five months with no success. Infertiles (yes, I am refering to us like "the others" on Lost) are notorious for judging fertiles and if they deserve children or not. I know what you're thinking, but don't act like you don't do it Mrs. Fertilepants "the reason I get pregnant all the time is because I don't try and you do, which is why you can't get pregnant. Have you tried hanging upside down from the ceiling fan for 15 minutes?" I was thinking great, that anorexic nut job can get pregnant and I can't? I thought anorexics were infertile? Not very nice, but jealousy is a bitch.

So here I am today, looking at her 7 month preggo belly with her second child. That hurt a little bit, but surprisingly not as much as the first time. I swore off tabloids for a period of time, it hurt, because I was so sick of the the baby stories. I was okay though, today, sort of, a little bit, kinda. I'm just proud to be in a place where it feels like a swift kick in the gut, but doesn't ruin my day. Trust me people, that is a big step.

In other news, I went shopping again today. Something I rarely ever do due to the upcoming crazy bill I will have for IVF. It was glorious! They were having a great sale on expensive jeans and I pulled them out with joy thinking what a great find. But then I stopped, because hopefully I won't fit in them soon (and not only because I am about to get fat from stim injections and the steroid, but because I will be rocking my own Nicole Richie-esque belly).

So, like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz clicking her heels together and saying "there's no place like home, there's no place like home," I stood in the department store stating "I will be wearing maternity pants, I will be wearing maternity pants!"