Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Good Thing About Infertility

Bet you never thought you'd see a title like that around these parts, right?

Last night hubby and I had a fun night together. All we did was go to the mall (I'm trying to walk for 30 minutes a day because I feel like a blob) and then go to a restaurant. Nothing exciting. But it was so fun just being together. On they way home we stopped for a movie and hit the couch to watch it. Hubby said he wishes I could still fit next to him for snuggles. I reminded him that if we were in his duplex, we would just roll out the mattress and watch the movie in the living room on the floor. We both laughed and thought about those days. It was fun. I made about $150 a week and I was in school and the duplex was about the same size as my car. But we had such a great time together, no matter what, and we still do.

We are now average American wage earners and live in a little home. We had much bigger plans, until infertility hit us and the down payment for our dream house slowly trickled out of our savings to pay for baby making. When we were going through the process of treatment, this would piss me off to no end how unfair it was. But last night the bright side of that dawned on me . . . .

As Americans, "stuff" is so important. Where you live, what you drive, and how you compare to the neighbors. We have friends (some are ex-friends because this does annoy me) who it is all about stuff. They have no money but find ways to spend it on expensive things and then fight. There are people we know who fight because they want to spend it on expensive things but they don't have the cash either. We know people who can afford things and it's all they talk about.

We certainly used to fight about money as well. A few months into our marriage, we realized we had a much bigger battle on our hands than why we couldn't live in a new house and buy new vehicles anytime soon: INFERTILITY. Infertility can certainly destroy a person's relationship, but in our case, we came together and did this whole thing together. Money and stuff just wasn't important anymore. I got to see what an amazing hubby I have. We have fun together and enjoy each other no matter what. Having dinner on our back deck is fun for us. Watching movies is fun. Sometimes we just lay in bed and talk about random things. Last year we planted our first vegetable garden.

Now when I look at my house and neighborhood, I don't think about all the upgrades we need. When I go to a friend's nice, new place I don't think about how bad I want one too. When I see my house, I think about our new nursery that we designed together. I think about the back deck and enjoying time. I think about the future, pushing the stroller out onto the sidewalk and through the neighborhood to the park. I look at our floors and think about little hands and feet crawling on them. I can't imagine pulling into any other driveway in any other car on any other street and being able to feel more happiness. If we had just gotten pregnant when we wanted to with little effort, I don't know that I would feel the same way as I do now. Now I know if anything happens to us and we end up back in a rental duplex the size of a shoebox on a mattress in the living room, I will still have a wonderful hubby that I can have fun with AND the big bonus, two little monkeys. Money can't buy feelings like that.

Infertility took it's toll, that's for sure. But it also gave me a gift I didn't know I had. When I think about the future, I know I have exactly what I need and I am thankful for that.


This is us, back in the duplex days, almost seven years ago!


  1. Aww so sweet. This post made me tear up. It's so true. We don't have the amazing house and cars like some of our friends do, but infertility has drawn us closer and made us appreciate the things we do have and hopefully the family we will have.

  2. I can't wait til I can see the good in infertility. It has definitely made my relationship with my husband stronger but it has also caused some REALLY nasty fights! I'm happy for you...It gives me hope!

  3. What a great post, true! I'm glad you are having these happy, contented feelings:)...My hubby and I are closer after all we have been through too. We do have friends who were not so fortunate and ended up ending their marriage after 2 years of IF stuff and having twins. The husband told her one month before the babies were due that he was "done" and wanted out. It always made me so sad for them...Hugs, Lori

  4. Great post!! You're spot on!! :)

  5. That is soo beautiful!!! I know my hubby and I have gotten so close because of IF. And I agree had we had children early in our marriage we probably would be a little frazzeled and not as in touch with each other. But we are happy!! Just with empty arms. I'm so happy for you and your hubby! And I'm so glad you have shared your journey with us all.

  6. great post! i agree that it is possible to see something positive out of whatever it is you struggle with. i always feel that after what we've gone through, my husband and i will be better equipped to get through whatever comes in the future. also, who needs all that stuff anyway? ;)

  7. Isn't it nice to see positives in so much heartbreak? It's almost like you can feel sorry for people who didn't gain the perspective on what is important that IF brings. (I feel the same way with having twins. When someone says, "Better you than me" I feel a touch sorry for them for missing such double joy) And, once those monkeys are in your arms, even more IF crap fades. You really do no longer feel defined by the past journey... you will become "Mommy". Plain and simple.

    Now.... stay in bed! No 30 minute walks! This is harsh: You don't want to pacing for 30 minutes each day in the NICU, do you????? Stay in bed! ♥

  8. So sweet, and so true! Thanks for reminding us that there are positive parts of this journey...


    Can you please promise to post SOMETHING every day so that if you don't post one day we'll know you're in the hospital? ;-) I'm getting very anxious for you!!

  9. This post was a tear jerker! Congrats on your twins!


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