The Good Thing About Infertility

Bet you never thought you'd see a title like that around these parts, right?

Last night hubby and I had a fun night together. All we did was go to the mall (I'm trying to walk for 30 minutes a day because I feel like a blob) and then go to a restaurant. Nothing exciting. But it was so fun just being together. On they way home we stopped for a movie and hit the couch to watch it. Hubby said he wishes I could still fit next to him for snuggles. I reminded him that if we were in his duplex, we would just roll out the mattress and watch the movie in the living room on the floor. We both laughed and thought about those days. It was fun. I made about $150 a week and I was in school and the duplex was about the same size as my car. But we had such a great time together, no matter what, and we still do.

We are now average American wage earners and live in a little home. We had much bigger plans, until infertility hit us and the down payment for our dream house slowly trickled out of our savings to pay for baby making. When we were going through the process of treatment, this would piss me off to no end how unfair it was. But last night the bright side of that dawned on me . . . .

As Americans, "stuff" is so important. Where you live, what you drive, and how you compare to the neighbors. We have friends (some are ex-friends because this does annoy me) who it is all about stuff. They have no money but find ways to spend it on expensive things and then fight. There are people we know who fight because they want to spend it on expensive things but they don't have the cash either. We know people who can afford things and it's all they talk about.

We certainly used to fight about money as well. A few months into our marriage, we realized we had a much bigger battle on our hands than why we couldn't live in a new house and buy new vehicles anytime soon: INFERTILITY. Infertility can certainly destroy a person's relationship, but in our case, we came together and did this whole thing together. Money and stuff just wasn't important anymore. I got to see what an amazing hubby I have. We have fun together and enjoy each other no matter what. Having dinner on our back deck is fun for us. Watching movies is fun. Sometimes we just lay in bed and talk about random things. Last year we planted our first vegetable garden.

Now when I look at my house and neighborhood, I don't think about all the upgrades we need. When I go to a friend's nice, new place I don't think about how bad I want one too. When I see my house, I think about our new nursery that we designed together. I think about the back deck and enjoying time. I think about the future, pushing the stroller out onto the sidewalk and through the neighborhood to the park. I look at our floors and think about little hands and feet crawling on them. I can't imagine pulling into any other driveway in any other car on any other street and being able to feel more happiness. If we had just gotten pregnant when we wanted to with little effort, I don't know that I would feel the same way as I do now. Now I know if anything happens to us and we end up back in a rental duplex the size of a shoebox on a mattress in the living room, I will still have a wonderful hubby that I can have fun with AND the big bonus, two little monkeys. Money can't buy feelings like that.

Infertility took it's toll, that's for sure. But it also gave me a gift I didn't know I had. When I think about the future, I know I have exactly what I need and I am thankful for that.



This is us, back in the duplex days, almost seven years ago!