I've made it. I actually made it 4 days ago. It's unbelievable to me. I went to the first specialist appointment scared. I still use the Baby Beat everyday (sometimes twice). When I watch the ultrasounds happening on the screen, I feel like it is happening to someone else. When I was dreaming of the day that I would see a little heartbeat, I imagined crying my eyeballs out with joy. I haven't shed one tear because I am still in shock.
But I've made it to the second trimester. The fact that I am still truckin' along is so bizarre to me. I did many things to make it believable. Things that are actually considered taboo in the infertile world. I can't tell you how many posts I have seen on my infertility board about how these women can just not believe that anyone would tell people they are pregnant at 8 weeks or anytime before the first trimester is over. We shouted it from the rooftops at 4 weeks. I have a baby box and have bought baby items. I also bought maternity pants before the second trimester came along (although I didn't have much of a choice). We've picked out names, furniture, and began getting the house ready.
But it still seems like a dream. This is the only time we will experience this and I want reality to hit soon, but it just hasn't. I keep buying things and talking about it, so I'm hoping to get hit with it very soon. I will even share the loot with you!
This is the baby box. It was a gift from my grandparents the day we got our first positive beta test. My grandparents gave us the little trinkets, I bought the little jammies, and yes, I peed on 5 pregnancy tests of which I will save for the rest of my life.
This is just one of the onesies I've purchased. I also have a 5 pack of plain white ones, a pack of 3 socks (although now that we are having twins that's not really adequate), and 4 pair of pants. All unisex of course. Oh yeah, and two sleep sacks.
Our first package of diapers. We have received the advice of several people that everytime we go to the store we should pick up a pack of diapers. For some odd reason, this was the one thing I wasn't comfortable with until the second trimester. I knew I would keep my pee sticks forever. I could always give the clothes to someone as gift or give them to my foster agency in the event of a tragedy. But diapers are too personal and I couldn't bring myself to buy them. Today I did it, my first package of Pampers! 36 little diapies for 8.99 (good God that's crazy).
I can't believe this is happening to me . . . .