In the Land of Fertiles

I am in the second trimester and things appear to be pretty lovely. I have ventured out of my tight knit circle of infertile friends a bit to test the water with fertiles. I joined a Due Date Club on a large parenting, childbirth, pregnancy board. This is my attempt to be normal. I can chat guilt free about how awful I am feeling. I can be just like a fertile, with years of sadness erased and stupid bliss written all over me. I thought I would find some comraderie and normalcy (and I did find some very supportive and wonderful individuals), but what I actually found was a bunch of crazy bitches!!

I am not kidding you, these people will claw your eyeballs out over breastfeeding and car seats. They will rip you a new a-hole for getting an epidural. They will fight until the death with you because how on earth could you have a child and still be pro-choice? God forbid you vaccinate or not vaccinate your child. And public school? I never knew how awful it was to have a child and send it to school and then have rules. I mean, seriously, what was I thinking? Rules are only for one type of child and all children can't be expected to have them. And really, only good moms homeschool their children. The rest of you are just losers. And please, not only do excellent moms whip out their boobs and breastfeed in public, they also only use cloth diapers.

I have learned that once you procreate, you are now an expert on all things children and babies. Whatever you do for your child is what every single human on the planet should be doing with their child! Duh! Am I going to become like this? I am going to lose the thought that this is an excellent gift for me to cherish after years of struggle so that I can become a pretentious- super mom- know it all- procreator? Will I be so enraptured by the birth of my sweet babies that I will not notice the portion of my brain that provides logical thought processes in the trash with my placenta?

So, my infertile friends, I will tell you if you ever felt crazy for locking yourself in the OB/GYN office because the sight of pregnant bellies takes the wind out of you, for taking a vacation during Halloween so that you don't have to suffer the emotional distress of all the sweet kiddos in their cute costumes, for feeling paranoid when your girlfriend goes out with you but won't drink a glass of wine, for not being friends with newlyweds because they might spring the news on you at anytime, for meticulously planning your work schedule so you don't have to be in the hallway at the same time as pregnant coworkers, or the million other things I have felt like a nut job for going through infertility, you have NOTHING on a fertile woman!!

And let's not even go into the women whining about how they are struggling to conceive baby #7 . . . yep, that's not a joke! But I will admit I'm addicted. Reading these peoples posts are like watching the paternity tests on Maury, you feel like a loser, but you just can't get enough!

I will leave you with this, a child who was clearly fed the toxic poison we call infant formula . . . :)