Saturday, January 2, 2010

What in the Nipple Leakage is Going On??

Any moron on the planet knows that sick things happen to you when you are pregnant. But I am definitely a moron because this threw me for a loop!

You read correctly, nipple leakage. Yep. I am not even 5.5 months along and the boobs are getting ready for feeding. I thought there was something wrong with me but I guess not. My many friends who are smart enough to pick up some pregnancy books and actually read them have told me this is normal. Well, they read that it's normal, but it hasn't ever happened to them. That makes me feel good.

I am a little apprehensive about the whole breastfeeding business. I know it's mother nature and all, but let's just be honest, nothing about us being pregnant really has anything to do with mother nature. I have agreed to breastfeed though because my poor hubby will not be getting his way of a home water birth in the living room. I thought I might have issues with breastfeeding due to the fact that baby making didn't go over so well so I assumed anything having to do with mother nature and babies would be a bust. Boy was I wrong! These bad boys are already rarin' to go!

My sister in law so kindly offered her breast pump to us, we just need to buy the parts. I have to be able to pump and take with me if I am somewhere. I can assure you that I will never be a public breastfeeder. Because of public breastfeeders, I do not desire to do it at all. It's not a popular mommy thing to say, but I find that really odd and unnecessary. I would never go so far as some to think we should have laws banning it, but it's just not my favorite. I remember watching Barbara Walters get ripped on "The View" because she was talking about how she was uncomfortable with a woman breastfeeding her baby across from her in an airplane. At the time, I could not understand why anyone would be offended because Barbara was uncomfortable with that. It's not like she was saying people shouldn't do it, she was just expressing her discomfort. If you ever bring this up to a gung ho breastfeeder you can practically see the steam coming off of their heads. First they will say it's just natural and then all kinds of odd things come out of the wood work:

"Well, do you eat in a bathroom? Why should my baby have to?" - Well ma'am, because I don't want to see your boobs while I am trying to eat lunch in the food court at the mall.

"Well, if you look at my breasts that are nourishing my child and this beautiful and natural situation and think it's gross you must be a pervert!" - You're exactly right ma'am. Me NOT wanting to see your boobs in the middle of a public, crowded area makes me a pervert. Me NOT wanting to explain to the 12 boys I have brought here on a field trip why your nipples are showing and then have to send home emails explaining why their children looked at grown women's nipples on an educational outing makes me a pervert. Mmm hmm.

"Breast milk is natural. Feeding infants from your breasts is natural. Formula feeding is inferior to the breast." - Well ma'am, lots of things are natural. Having sex is natural and beautiful and healthy. So is taking a shit. That doesn't mean I pull down my pants and take a dump in the food court at the mall. No one needs to see my asshole, or the natural product that comes from it.

Yes, these are not popular responses to the beauty of breastfeeding. But these are just the things I think. I think breastfeeding is great, in private. Seeing people breastfeed has made me not want to breastfeed. But I am now willing to give it a shot. And now that I know that my breasts are overzealous and anxious to perform this act, I guess it's destiny! Hubby is so thrilled about this new achievement. Something new happens everyday I guess! You should be getting a very interesting report from me once I experience breastfeeding for myself. Very interesting indeed. The nipple leakage is odd enough for me, when there is a whole river of milk coming out it should be crazy. Healthy and beautiful and natural of course, but also crazy and weird and nothing I ever imagined doing.

1 comment:

  1. Hilarious as always. You need to have a disclaimer that your blog will cause people to laugh out loud (not good while you're at work "working"). You have a wonderful and humorous outlook on life. I wish more people were that way.


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