As of 10w4d, I had three ultrasounds. When you find out you are pregnant, you are considered 4 weeks so I had to wait two weeks for the first ultrasound so if you do the math I have had pretty frequent ultrasounds. The high I experience from knowing my babies are alive and well lasts about 5 days before psychosis kicks in.
It has been a week and a half. If I pretend to be someone of sound mind, I will make it gracefully until my next appointment November 16th (or whenever the damn perinatal specialist calls to set up my appointment). There is no way in hell I am going to survive a full month without knowing that the babies are still kicking (figuratively, man I wish I could feel that already). I had severe cramping on Saturday night and could not eat, but drank lots of fluids. There was no bleeding and this does happen so I spent all of Sunday in bed drinking water. The cramps went away and still no bleeding. But nonetheless, I still worry.
I have a few options. Call the OB and tell her I am a few french fries short of a happy meal and do not have the mental capacity to make it to the 16th and please, pretty please will she check on the babies for me? Or I could make up something legit so she has to see me. Or I could order the Baby Beat and see if that works first.
The Baby Beat is a home doppler used to pick up the heart beats. You can rent it relatively cheaply. I think this is the best option because I still appear to be a normal person but can check up on the babies myself when I need to. Hubby is very opposed to this idea. He says we need to leave them alone and let them grow. He also says I will use it improperly, convince myself there are no heartbeats because I wasn't using it right, and we will be paying the big bucks when we rush to the ER because I have convinced myself something is wrong with them. I hate to admit that does sound like something that could happen, but I was up at 5:45 a.m. this morning figuring out what I could do to make sure the babies are okay!! Not to mention I have had the hell of a headache the last two days, went home from work early, and have had a rebirth of morning sickness.
I know I'm crazy so it's okay for you to think that. I just need to know that my babies are okay. I need them to be born and healthy and I need to be their mommy. After Baby A waving at me last week, there is so much more at stake.
Maybe I'll get a hobby. Or at least I could maybe clean my house. Put some new music on the iPod. Read a book. This idle mind business is not good for me. I can put a lot of things on my list, but I will tell you that the thing that will happen eventually is a BabyBeat Fetal Doppler arriving on my doorstep before the week is out.