Friday, October 23, 2009

25 Years Old

Jamie lynn and maddie Pictures, Images and Photos
So, I have been participating in ICLW this time (last time I choked, sorry) and left a comment on a fellow blogger's blog. "Being 25 and infertile sucks." Immediately after I left that comment, I wanted to delete it because being ANYONE and infertile sucks. So if you saw that, I did not mean to take away from everyone else. INFERTILITY SUCKS. No matter what age you are.
But it's still weird to think about. When you start trying at 23 years old, infertility doesn't even seem like a possibility. In fact, all I really knew about infertility was from one episode of Dr. Phil I watched as a teenager and then one episode of a reality show about infertility on the Discovery Health Channel. It looked pretty sucky. I never thought about it again. Even my OB didn't think about it, she said it would probably take us about 4 months. None of my friends have ever had issues. They just got pregnant. Well, I would call these people acquaintances, or family members, my real friends aren't pregnant. I know one who is close in age who got pregnant from her second round of Clomid. That would be nice.
Infertility carries stereotypes just like everything else. You think of someone in their 30's or 40's who has a fabulous career and was too busy previously but now would like a baby. Don't freak out if you're reading this, this is just reality. Even my doctor couldn't associate me with infertility. I'm 25, I look like I'm 17, and I certainly don't have a fabulous career of any type. One of her nurses told me (as I said in a previous post) that when she saw I was 25 and was pregnant from IVF, she assumed I had pretty serious issues. What the fuck? Even doctor's and nurses stereotype. Don't worry ladies, I set her straight! I would be lying though, if it wasn't a blow to my self esteem. I did feel like such a huge failure through this whole thing. Going to the RE's office I felt like almost as big of a freak as I did in the torture we call the OB/GYN waiting room. I saw one of my grandpa's coworkers at the fertility clinic! Yes, I said GRANDPA! Besides feeling awkward, I felt like a loser. These people have probably been doing awesome things with their lives and waited until life was perfect to have a baby, but I'm just a lowly 20 something with "pretty serious issues." I don't have a big house, or an SUV, or a career to brag about. I haven't travelled the world. Plus, some other infertiles have given me comments that basically sound like, "oh you little idiot, you have all the time in the world to do 10,000 treatments. I don't feel sorry for you." Not all, but some.
Even though I will not forget those feelings, I have to admit that I am mostly happy all the time now (with occasional bouts of paranoia). Sometimes I am seriously over the moon with joy, like getting some kind of high from finally being pregnant. I love rubbing my belly and feel so grateful. Hubby and I love talking to the babies and planning our future with them. It was really all worth it. I know we have a long way to go still, but I'm going to go ahead and dream my big dreams. Let me admit, the main issue still lingering is that I just can't be happy when people tell me they are pregnant or send birth announcements (naturally that is, I love it when IFers get pregnant or have a successful adoption). I wonder if that will ever change . . . .


  1. It definitely sucks for everybody... but when you're younger (ahem...25) there's that little added bit of wtf. I sit in the mornings waiting for monitoring, and I get looks like, "The hell are you doing here child?!" People seem to assume I have no business being there, and that I couldn't possibly have reason to be. It's like you're on the outside, even in a room full of IFers, because of your age...

    And I'm happy you're happy!!!!!

  2. I have kinda the same issue at the R.E's office, I am 31 but
    I look 17....22 on a good day. Still get ID'd everywhere I go.
    I felt kinda weird at the R.E's office, like ppl were looking at me
    and thinking "go home, your too young to be here, you have
    all the time in the world"

    Now that I have spent some time on the blogs, I have met people
    of all ages and I think we all realize this situation sucks for ALL
    of us, no matter what age. I don't think anyone was actually thinking that about me at the R.E's least I hope not.

  3. how can us infertiles be so hateful of other infertiles? Can we make an "ism" out of this? Infertilism? Can you call that mean person an "Infertilist?"

    Girl, kudos to you and finding out now (age 25!). You've probably got better eggs than us old fogies (kidding, I'm only 34, but that's old in egg time). Maybe that is why people get pissy. Who knows. I am thrilled for your two beans.

  4. I've been a bit behind so I just caught up. My goodness, you've had a crazy couple of weeks! Wow, what an insane mess with the fender bender fiasco. I'm so sorry for all the extra stress. But I'm so, so happy the little beans are still growing and carrying on a throw-down in there! I love the baby bump pic!


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