Down the Rabbit Hole

I have been MIA for almost a week (I know, crazy, right?). The events of the last week have been a little crazy. Like sliding down the rabbit hole into a paralel universe. I spent a morning at the therapist's office trying to figure out what is happening in my life.

We have been super bummed out that our foster kids are leaving us. They were to leave on the weekend and now they are gone. The house feels so weird without them. It's so quiet with just the two of us. And we were both so attached to the baby in particular that if feels wrong not to have Lil Bub here.

I am really struggling with my job. It is harder than I thought managing people. All I do is babysit adults and it is not fun. If only I had a money tree out back. Not to mention a health insurance tree, then I would be good to go! But this is life.

I have been feeling better and better about this pregnancy. My tummy is growing a little bump. I went one evening last week to a huge sale at Carter's and bought a bunch of unisex baby clothes. I was so excited and it felt so good to make that leap of faith and be able to see the future and one of the munchkins wearing the "I'm a hug waiting to happen" onesie I purchased.

As I was driving home I was rear ended. This actually pissed me off because only last week I had seen the babies heartbeats again and was so relieved and now I'm getting jolted in the back from someone not paying attention. And, of course, this person had no driver's license or insurance. I contacted the police for assistance. Long story short, I was pulled over a year and a half ago because my car tags were expired. I switched the tags the following week. It was such a hassle to change the tags that to be honest I spaced thinking I had anything else to do. I then got a letter from the state saying there was a warrant for my arrest and my license was to be suspended. I followed the directions given to me, got a reinstatement letter from the state and never heard from anyone again. Well, I guess I had more to do because I got arrested!!

I was upset but was assured that this happens all the time and I would just go with another officer to that city and pay my bail and leave. Two hours later, after I held my pregnant lady pee in to the point of excruciating pain, this other officer showed up. He did not ask questions, cuffed me behind my back, dicked around with the other officers while I almost peed myself, did not buckle my seatbelt although I had just been in an accident, and then proceeded to take me to the county jail because it was "closer." For all of you who are reading this and are not a criminal, you might not know that people who commit REAL crimes, not non moving traffic violations, go to the county jail. I finally got to pee when we got there, it was so painful I cannot describe it but there was no blood, THANK GOD!! The lovely officer whipped out my prenatals from my purse and asked what they were, as if I were carrying narcotics. I told him they were prenatal vitamins. Apparently having prenatal vitamins indicates that you are a pot head, because then he asked if I had any marijuana. I said no, although this didn't satisfy him, he made sure to tell me if I didn't tell him now it would be a felony.

Now, this whole time, my cramps are picking up in intensity. Also, I am thinking this is just a sick joke and I am waiting for Ashton Kutcher to tell me that I have been punked, even though I'm not a celebrity. Then the cell, yes I said CELL, doors were open and I had to go in, in a CELL, with real life criminals. Of course the water works began at this point. I sat with three other women who were discussing how many previous times they had been in jail and where the best places to steal from are. FYI, Home Depot seems to be an excellent place because the pawn shops will accept their gift cards. Unfortunately, in case you are planning this, Kohl's is a terrible place to steal from. I was then asked if I stole anything that day, to which my answer was bawling.

I was told I could see a nurse because I was terrified by the cramping. I saw a nurse after I was searched (violated I should say), fingerprinted, had a mug shot taken, signed off on my personal belongings and placed in another cell with a blanket and some new criminals were not at all upset they were in a CELL, unlike myself. I finally got to see the nurse. She was my angel! I was released about fifteen minutes after she spoke with her supervisor. She said to go directly to the ER. This ordeal lasted about 5 hours.

We went to the ER. I was shaking uncontrollably. A nurse wrapped me in a blanket, then two more blankets, then I received a bag of IV fluids. I was dehydrated, my blood pressure was high and my blood sugar was low. The ER doctor could not do an ultrasound, but tried to hear the heartbeats with his stethoscope. Nothing. I had to go home at 2 a.m. and wait until morning to see if the babies still had heartbeats. It was awful. I looked at all the new little items I bought and thought I would never see my babies in them.

The next morning we went to the ultrasound and both babies were doing awesome!! I wish I had pictures because it is the first ultrasound that the babies looked like more that a blob. I was so relieved I finally fell asleep, right there on the table. Both babies had heartbeats of 171 bpm and one was measuring right on target at 9w3d and the other at 9w1d.

I will take responsibility and say that I should have called and emailed and dug until I was 100% sure everything was taken care of. I just didn't know what I needed to do because this has NEVER happened to me. I am so angry that it did. I want to just move on and be happy the babies are okay, but what if I watch the news tomorrow and another woman went through this but wasn't so lucky as to have a baby that could handle all that? I would feel like the biggest piece of shit on the planet for letting it go. I saw, dealt with and heard things I wish I had never been a part of, because of a misunderstanding with a non-moving traffic violation. It was so excessive and ridiculous and I was treated like a drug dealer or a bank robber by the officer who arrived at the the accident TWO hours after he was called.

But the babies are okay and my next appointment to see them is less than a week, on Monday. I am exhausted and still feel so confused. My therapist definitely has his work cut out for him! I'm so proud of my strong little monkeys. I'm so glad they're still in there. And it's all been taken care of, no more warrants for me!

But I'm also pissed. Really pissed.