Friday, September 11, 2009

Ungrateful B*tches

I am trying really hard to be positive and not scared, freaky, and psychotic. Two pink lines is what I've been waiting for, right? Right! I had a horrible nightmare the other night so I decided that I had to do something to get my mind out of the gutter.

1. Post some affirmations next to my bed. This is something I would normally make fun of someone else for doing, but it does make me feel better actually. It says "I am pregnant," "this is a healthy pregnancy," and "I will have a healthy baby(ies)." Like I said, surprisingly, it's helped.

2. I do not look up ANY symptoms on the internet or in the moron book (aka "What to Expect When You're Expecting"). If I venture past unfortunate news or scary stuff on other blogs or community boards, I just skip it. I hate not taking the time to read and be supportive, but I need to hold onto my sanity.

3. I joined Baby Center's May 2010 Birth Club to be like a normal prego who reads a pregnancy test then starts celebrating. I'll just talk about pregnancy and tests and symptoms like nothing ever happened, right?


If you are an infertile, I wouldn't suggest this until well into your second, if not third trimester. It's not like I haven't been appalled by fertiles for years ("OMG, my kid is so wild, do you want mine?" "Why do you want kids, they're expensive, annoying, a time suck, yada yada," "I'm so tired from being up all night with my newborn, you're lucky you don't have kids" and the list goes on forever). I've read so many lovely things so far. My very favorite is a title of a post all in caps "HATE BEING PREGNANT." It's really nice to read how so many women get pregnant on their first or second time trying, example: "We started trying in July, I didn't know in August it would already be over!" How precious. I thought there was some light at the end of the tunnel when there was a post about how to tell their sister-in-law she is pregnant when she knows her SIL is struggling. It was nice to see someone who cared. It was nice until I read replies like "just tell her, she can't be sheltered from pregnant women and babies forever" and then from the oh-so-sensitive poster herself, "I just decided my husband will tell her. I think I will resent her if I don't get to be excited about my pregnancy plus she is dramatic anyway." Nevermind on that sensitive thing I was speaking of. I won't mention all the interesting circumstances in which some of these women have ended up pregnant, some of whom are in their teens, or were at their first child.

At first, it made me really pissed that many, many women do not understand that this is an amazing miracle and they should be grateful for every moment. Some of us fight and fight and fight to get here. And some fight and fight and fight and never get here, but would do anything in the world to have their head in the toilet with morning sickness or have the luxury of feeling disappointed that their 2nd, 3rd, 4th baby was a boy and not a girl. It seriously pisses me off.

But then I felt, for the first time, lucky. Lucky that my pregnancy is a miracle. Lucky that I will never take for granted a single second of this experience, including barfing. Lucky that each moment with my future child will be all the more special because it didn't come easily. Lucky that my husband and I have bonded even more than we already were going through this together and that I know he will be the best Daddy on the planet. Lucky that I got to find out how much my family and friends are behind me. And seriously lucky to have ever seen those two pink lines.


  1. BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! Thank you for posting this! It helps to here this from a pregnant infertile. Congrats and goodluck!! Sending you lots of warm wishes!!!

  2. Oh you're a braver person than I would be by stepping into thos birth forums....all sorts of nasties lurk there LOL as you've found out!!

    You're right though, you will cherish every minute of being pregnant because it was so hard for you to get pregnant and you know that getting knocked up ain't easy sister!


  3. yes, gratitude and appreciation for life...for all those things you listed--this is who you have become.I hate to say this but IF has given me perspective about life that I know my closest friends with kids couldn't even begin to imagine.

  4. I agree with everything you said and I think you have every right to feel the full spectrum of your emotions from bitter and annoyed to excited and lucky. When I was briefly pregnant I cherished every moment of my nausea, insomnia, and cramps and I hope to some day again. Pregnant bitchers piss me off too! (That being said, you are allowed to bitch a little if you need to because you ARE grateful!)

  5. Have you checked out BabyZone's May 2010 DDC? They all seem really positive in there. I host the April DDC but I check in on them regularly and they all seem really sweet. Check it out. Glad to be pregnant with you!

  6. I don't know what I really want to say Ashley. But we've talked about all the pain we've both felt. I'm so happy for you but also totally understand your freaking. I hope you never hated me looking at my big belly, I tried to never 'rub' it in your face. Now its my turn to be happy for you while I'm hurting. Its our hurt that makes us really appreciate everything we do have. If I ever say anything that upsets you I am so sorry. I know people say stupid stuff all the time, thinking they are helping. Congrats, you are a mommy.

  7. lol you're just too funny. Those hormones are really flowing! I just stay away from any forums like that. Even if I am ever lucky enough to see two pink lines of my own, I think like you do I won't ever feel like I really belong there.

  8. I couldn't agree more with everything that you've said.

    I can't wait to be where you and feeling the same excat way!

  9. Some people just like to bitch, fertile or IF. Maybe there's something about an anonymous chat room that brings out the worse in people.



Thanks for stopping by! Sorry, no anonymous comments, if you can't put your name on it it's just no fun!