I am trying really hard to be positive and not scared, freaky, and psychotic. Two pink lines is what I've been waiting for, right? Right! I had a horrible nightmare the other night so I decided that I had to do something to get my mind out of the gutter.
1. Post some affirmations next to my bed. This is something I would normally make fun of someone else for doing, but it does make me feel better actually. It says "I am pregnant," "this is a healthy pregnancy," and "I will have a healthy baby(ies)." Like I said, surprisingly, it's helped.
2. I do not look up ANY symptoms on the internet or in the moron book (aka "What to Expect When You're Expecting"). If I venture past unfortunate news or scary stuff on other blogs or community boards, I just skip it. I hate not taking the time to read and be supportive, but I need to hold onto my sanity.
3. I joined Baby Center's May 2010 Birth Club to be like a normal prego who reads a pregnancy test then starts celebrating. I'll just talk about pregnancy and tests and symptoms like nothing ever happened, right?
If you are an infertile, I wouldn't suggest this until well into your second, if not third trimester. It's not like I haven't been appalled by fertiles for years ("OMG, my kid is so wild, do you want mine?" "Why do you want kids, they're expensive, annoying, a time suck, yada yada," "I'm so tired from being up all night with my newborn, you're lucky you don't have kids" and the list goes on forever). I've read so many lovely things so far. My very favorite is a title of a post all in caps "HATE BEING PREGNANT." It's really nice to read how so many women get pregnant on their first or second time trying, example: "We started trying in July, I didn't know in August it would already be over!" How precious. I thought there was some light at the end of the tunnel when there was a post about how to tell their sister-in-law she is pregnant when she knows her SIL is struggling. It was nice to see someone who cared. It was nice until I read replies like "just tell her, she can't be sheltered from pregnant women and babies forever" and then from the oh-so-sensitive poster herself, "I just decided my husband will tell her. I think I will resent her if I don't get to be excited about my pregnancy plus she is dramatic anyway." Nevermind on that sensitive thing I was speaking of. I won't mention all the interesting circumstances in which some of these women have ended up pregnant, some of whom are in their teens, or were at their first child.
At first, it made me really pissed that many, many women do not understand that this is an amazing miracle and they should be grateful for every moment. Some of us fight and fight and fight to get here. And some fight and fight and fight and never get here, but would do anything in the world to have their head in the toilet with morning sickness or have the luxury of feeling disappointed that their 2nd, 3rd, 4th baby was a boy and not a girl. It seriously pisses me off.
But then I felt, for the first time, lucky. Lucky that my pregnancy is a miracle. Lucky that I will never take for granted a single second of this experience, including barfing. Lucky that each moment with my future child will be all the more special because it didn't come easily. Lucky that my husband and I have bonded even more than we already were going through this together and that I know he will be the best Daddy on the planet. Lucky that I got to find out how much my family and friends are behind me. And seriously lucky to have ever seen those two pink lines.