Friday, September 25, 2009

Switched Embryos

Okay, so we all know about the couple who are about to give birth to someone else's kid because their office trasferred the wrong embryo. I think these people are saints for continuing with pregnancy knowing that they would have to give it up at the end. I also think they need to sue the shit out of their clinic.

I've seen a blog post or two about how this is another bad example for infertility treatments and it's patients, like us. And it is a bad example of the doctor's who perform these treatments. And it portrays assisted reproductive technologies as some kind of freaky baby making science and it weirds the public in general out.

BUT . . . . it kind of is weird if you think about it. Most people get pregnant from having sex, just like we learned about in health class. That is normal. When I thought I was a normal person, I thought IVF was weird too. But I really wanted a baby and it was my only option, which I'm so glad I did it, so I learned about IVF, went through the stages of grief and went for it. I had to learn about it and become comfortable with it. This is a normal human experience - to be trepidatious about something, learn more about it and accept it.

People are right when they say these stories don't help. I know that telling people about your personal infertility issues is your own choice, but many women don't share this experience. Or they get online and use fake names because they don't want people to know what they're going through. BUT . . . you can't be mad at people for not understanding if normal, everday people who struggle with this hide it and don't share. Like I said, this is a personal choice and do what you must, but don't keep it from everyone and then whine and bitch that no one understands you. You're not helping anyone understand you, so why would they? When I hear and/or read things like "nobody understands," "I feel so alone," and blah blah blah from people who don't help people understand, all I can think is DUH!!! Unless your family and friends are Miss Cleo the psychic in the want ads, why would they support you if they don't know you need it? So as long as the only examples people have in the media is a bunch of freak shows, then that is what they'll think, and you can't complain if you're unwilling to do something to change it. I may feel this way because I am a "do" type person. If I don't like something, I try my best to change it. For example, I don't believe that you deserve to cover your car in pro-life anti-abortion stickers if you're not a foster or adoptive parent. If you're not doing anything to help children who are already alive and suffering from being brought into this world by people who have no right to have children and abuse, neglect, and abandon them, you don't really have the right to stand outside Planned Parent with black tape on your mouth. But that would be too much too ask! It's easy to bitch about something if you don't really have to do anything to change it besides putting guilt trip bumper stickers on your car. I consider this lame, lazy and hypocritical.

Speaking of freak shows, the arch nemesis of infertility poster children, Nadya Suleman. Most of us are extremely angry at her for this sad portrayal of crazy. She is the face of infertility treatments, which is embarassing and furthers the misunderstanding of why people use IVF. Her and Douchebag and Kate plus 8. So, here we are, going through this heartbreaking infertility journey, watching some nut job have 14 children through IVF, and 8 at a time at once. Bad example. We should all learn something from this and be good examples, of normal people who just want to be mommy's and daddy's but have a medical issue, right? WRONG!! I am part of a support community and I will say that there are women on there frequently who are still transferring 3-6 embryos at a time. What the hell? So these women and their doctor's are continuing the freak show practices that lead to freak shows that are embarassing to the rest of us who just want a normal life!!! The same infertiles that we are wanting people to understand are the same people who are doing the same dumb shit to make us all look like crazy people! I don't get it.

In a nice world, no one would go through infertility. This has been the shittiest part of my life. But, I am so grateful to have learned what I have. My husband was on board the whole time and has been (mostly) nothing but amazing. My friends and family have wowed me with their ability to show support. I have met so many other amazing, strong and resilient women who are struggling through this like I am with amazing attitudes who have been such an inspiration to me. I have also felt the sting of being open about our journey through stupid comments and going through treatments that have failed, but having to eventually hold my head up again. I've written my senator and my state representative to try my best to help me and other infertiles out. I have sent letters and emails to friends and family and they have shared in my tears and joys. I am proud to be someone who would NEVER accuse someone of being insensitive and not understanding if I don't take the time to teach someone something they've never had to learn before.

BUT, I've also encountered some freak shows. So lessons of the day are: don't be a freak show and don't whine about shit that you don't take any action to change. It's boring.

COUNTDOWN: 1 week and 5 days until I can make sure my babies are still healthy!


  1. I agree with you about the IVF freak shows. My RE will be transfering 3 embryos (g-d willing), but that's because I'm 39. He says my chance of having a singleton is 80%, with 18% chance of having twins, and a 2% chance of triplets.

    How many embied did your RE tranfer?

  2. Hi love your blog but wanted to point out that since I was 42 we transferred 5 embies. We always transferred 3 to 6 and out of 7 IVFs I got pregnant once with a a singleton. Just don't want to be lumped with the crazies!! :-)

  3. We transferred two embies. When we went for our consultation they said at their clinic they never transfer more than two embryos for anyone, regardless of age, condition, or quality of embryos. They also don't do 3 day transfers. Their success rate is really high so I felt comfortable with anything they told me!
    HUGE congrats on your pregnancy after 7 IVFs! You are a trooper!!!

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