My First Major Hormonal Meltdown

Actually the first was when I was taking Lupron. Hubby was about to go on a business trip when I threw his suitcase out on the front lawn and was yelling things I won't repeat . . . . Yep, that was the first. Embarassing, but we can laugh about it now. Although who I know can really laugh about it is our fabulous "neighborhood watch" neighbor whom I'm sure was pleased as punch to watch hubby's luggage fly out onto the lawn. Nosy knob.

I'm trying to take this nausea and stomach upset like a man, but it is more intense than I ever could have imagined. I've only missed two hours of work once because of it. I was feeling okay last night and hubby was in class. On our way to Jason's Deli (kids eat free wednesday night by the way), I started feeling terrible. Also, GQ has diarehha of the mouth and NEVER stops talking to a point where he gives me headaches and makes me a little more nauseous. We get there and I tried to eat thinking I had just gone too long but it was bad. I had to put the kids in the car and then sit on the curb to wait for puke. I finally got in the car and then didn't even get a mile before I pulled over because I couldn't drive. I called hubby while in class.

He came storming home. Major incoming shitstorm. I just avoided him for a little bit. He has a full time job, goes to school, and has his own business. This would make anyone crazy with stress, let alone someone with two foster kids and a psychotic wife. He says that he is quitting school and not doing his business anymore. This caused me to bawl so hard, it was worse than a little baby tantrum. I said lots of whiny things like "you're making me feel bad" and "you're mad at me." Inconsolable bawling!!I figured out that he is nervous about twins. Even though I have been freaking out (and still am) about something going wrong, the RE told us we had a 60% chance of having twins with this round, so we had a higher chance than a singleton so I wasn't totally shocked and I was secretly hoping this would be the case. I'm still so excited, but last night when he was having a meltdown and I was blubbering like a baby, he said that in 4 months I won't even be able to walk anyway so he has to be home. Then I really started bawling. I won't even tell you some of the other things I said, too embarassing. Okay maybe one, the one I think everyone thinks about secretly "you won't love me anymore when we have babies." I know, sad and embarassing.

Hubby takes his role as a provider very seriously and I see that he is stressed out. I wish I could do something for him but most days all I do is tolerate my work hours and then come home to lay around like a dead fish. And now for some reason I have costochondritis, where my rib cartiledge on one side is inflamed and it hurts to breath, hiccup, laugh, you name it. The best thing for it is an anti-inflammatory and I can't have that. So more rest it is. Poor guy, I'm so worthless these days. I'll make it up to him someday, most likely by painfully squeezing two children out of my vagina while he watches (although I can't wait for that amazing day).

I remember witnessing my friend and her DH fight in early pregnancy once. I thought it was so hilarious. Her DH kept turning around and saying "are you hearing this? She's insane!" We got to a restaurant and she went to the bathroom and I told him he needs to be nicer to her, although I also told him she was being super annoying. When he went to the bathroom I told her she was a little crazy and she needed to calm down, maybe she needs to take more time to pamper herself. Later we went to get pampered and she freaked out again and I almost had to beat her ass. We can now also laugh about that incident.

Karma.

Countdown: 1 week and 6 days until the next ultrasound to appease my crazy mind.