Sunday, September 20, 2009

Hi, My Name Is Psychotic Hypochondriac

This last week has been a little bananas. I have been completely paranoid for the ultrasound (only 3 days left, thank goodness!!!). I want to get totally excited, but I am too worried. I know that I can't keep myself from getting my heartbroken if the ultrasound doesn't go well, but it's really hard to believe that we were successful. I haven't had a single bit of spotting and yesterday I was sick all day. ALL day. Not in the morning, or just at night, all night, all day and all morning. I felt terrible, I threw up, but it was so satisfying because it reminded me that something is really going on in my body. Twisted, right?

Earlier in the week, because I can't grasp the concept that I am actually pregnant, I was convinced I had the flu. I took my temp over and over again, and it remained normal. My allergies were out of control, but I thought it was possible that maybe I had some other disease. I have run to the bathroom over and over again because my cramping has been pretty hardcore. So I dragged myself to the doctor. My blood pressure was higher than normal, but probably because of my panic. I do not have the flu of any sort. Shortness of breath, rapid heart beat, stomach upset, and headaches are all apparently normal in pregnancy. I felt like a jackass, although I could tell the doctor felt sorry for me (she dealt with my infertility depression quite a bit and made a world of difference). I took my check out sheet and left. Reading the sheet was kind if comical as there were three things checked off:

  1. Allergies
  2. Anxiety disorder
  3. Pregnancy

Quite the combo! I tried to do my best to be calm and relax, but unfortunately I have a job. A job which doesn't particularly excite me these days. I never seem to be able to hire anyone who actually desires to work. They like to get paid, but not necessarily try to impress anyone or go above and beyond. My day can't be stress free ever because I feel like if I don't tell everyone exactly what to do, only the bare minimum gets done. Which means I get extra work. I get to do my job, and their job too. Or I get to worry about what they are lying and scheming about all day. Or they don't even bother to show up to work or show up on time, at the very least. And I work with kids and it's flu season, which is extra awesome, to add to my paranoia.

Out of nervousnes, my pee stick collection has grown quite a bit!! I hope old pee doesn't mold or anything because I am keeping these pee sticks for life! :)


  1. Congrats on your pregnancy! I hope that you have a great ultrasound and an uneventful 40 weeks. I hope you feel better as well!

  2. After trying for so hard and so long I also found it really difficult to accept that I was actually pregnant and the nausea was actually a symptom (and not the flu). In fact my baby is now 9 months old and I STILL have a hard time believing she's mine and I get to keep her (I'm starting to think I need more therapy).

    Good luck with your pregnancy and good luck with your ultrasound.

    (I still have my pee sticks too)


  3. I can't wait to have a collection of pee sticks, no matter how neurotic it might sound! I'm glad to see a IVF#1 that gives a BFP. I've just started mine.


  4. Happy News! I hope your pregnancy is worry free and very happy!

    Have a great week.


  5. Huge Congrats on your Pregnancy!!! and Praying that your ultra sound goes Great:)




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