Monday, September 14, 2009


It's what I'm supposed to be getting more of. When should I do that? I work full time, 8 hours a day. I get myself ready then the boys then we go to school/daycare. I come home for evening and bedtime activities, but lately I've come home and gone to bed immediately, but my dearest husband will be travelling for business this week. Thanks to the psychotic nut job that is my foster kiddos family, we cannot stay in our home while hubby is away. As much as my annoying neighbor drives me crazy, she doesn't miss a thing so I never worry about the house. She is into "neighborhood watch." Right.

I'm also not getting any rest now, at 12:47 a.m., but for a most wonderful reason. I had horrendous nausea that turned to gas, and now heartburn. I didn't even need to roll over and read my affirmations because vomit being regurtitated into my mouth is the best sign I can think of! I know strong symptoms aren't a guarantee, but they do ease my mind a bit. TP checks have all been clear. I've also been having some cramping that had me worried and the IVF Coordinator said we could move my ultrasound up to this week if it would make me feel better, although she is sure everything is fine. Hello, of course I would love to get in there and see what's happening ASAP! But I will not let my paranoia overcome what hubby and I have been waiting for for years, which is to see our very first ultrasound for our very first baby together. Together. So with him being out of town, the together part doesn't really work out. Next Wednesday it will be.

Besides my excitement over abdominal discomfort, today Little Bub called me "mama." The mama stuff must have been in the air, because GQ also told me I'm his mommy. Two mamas in one day! I tried not to get too excited when Little Bub did it, because I know those syllables are pretty normal for little guys to test out, but I have been super jealous because he has been saying "dada" to hubby. I absolutely loved being called mama. It's an amazing thing. Because I am Debbie Downer, I also thought of how bad this will hurt when they leave. Part of me hopes it's not for a long time, but then I know that I will only be more in love and it will hurt worse. A big part of me hopes that we will get to keep them, but the chances of that are slim. Too many family members. When we had the teenagers, it was a good experience, but we were very ready for them to leave by the time they did. That made it easier. This one is not going to be easy.

Rest. Ha!

1 comment:

  1. The good news is you will likely qualify for sainthood after all this! It's amazing what foster parents like you do for these kids :)


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