That Time I Lost the Twins in Target

Taking three small children to the store, any store, sucks. I work evenings and weekends so the odds of me finding the time to go to the store alone are so slim I don't count on it ever happening. Target is so kind as to provide an ample supply of the carts that fit three kids. Aldi's also has carts that are good for multiple children therefore they are the main two places that we shop (yes, food snobs, I didn't say Whole Food's, we shop at Target and Aldi's, THE HORROR). Aldi's isn't terrible because it is small but by the time we leave Target I need a case of beer or a Xanax or a weekend trip to myself. The kid's also tell me all the time "mommy, you have your hands full" because they have heard it so many times in public.

After a long and tedious Target trip that would take me 30 minutes max by myself, but has taken me nearly an hour and a half with the three littles we are finally ready to check out. I have mistakenly left out one jar of baby food to go towards my coupon that I brought. I let the lady at the register know that I am going to go grab one more, my two kids are in the cart and I will be right back. I tell the twins "do not get out of this cart, Mommy will be right back, stay right here."

Famous last words.

Baby and I run, literally, to the baby food aisle, which really isn't actually that far from the register. I grab the jar of food and run back to, you guessed it, not twins in sight.

I asked the lady where my kids are and she said "what kids?"

Alright, I know it is not her job to babysit my children but I would expect any decent human being to not watch two kids run away and not say a word so I must say, WHAT THE FUCK.

I turn out back into the open space behind the registers and start looking for signs of them. I don't see them anywhere. I start to panic. Obviously someone kidnapped them because they are so exceptionally attractive, smart and funny so I feel like I am about to pass out. I start briskly walking through the store calling out their names. People are staring, of course.Luckily, I started hearing "mom, where are you?" in the produce section.

I grabbed them and gave them hugs. Ever was really not phased at all. Ocean was in complete and total panic mode. When Ocean gets embarrassed he freaks out. He threw himself on the floor. I picked him and told them both sternly that I had told them to stay in the cart and I was so sad they didn't follow directions.

The peak of the action came when Ocean yelled out "but I fought you was a good mom!! you left us!" Crap. Really. People are totally staring now and one lady is giving me the worst look ever. I almost had a word with her but figured we looked bad enough already so I let it go.

There you have it, the first time I lost my children in public.

Groundhog's Day

I am a few months in with my stay at home mom gig now. I don't count my maternity leave because I was still employed and still thinking of working full time, even though that was stupid because I couldn't afford the daycare anyway. Also the first few months of newborn-hood are a brutal sleep deprived, fuzzy good smelling baby high induced state that can't be counted as real life anyway.

Truth be told, it's a little more frustrating than I thought. It feels like Groundhog's Day really. When I was working the house chores didn't bother me much because they were no big deal and if they didn't get done, who cares? We were never in the house anyway between working, daycare, eating out and doing fun things on the weekend so we didn't make much mess. But everyday things around here look the same, if I didn't get to cleaning or if I did. It's like I do 7 loads of laundry and feel so much relief and less than 48 hours the hampers look exactly the same. One day I was so proud of myself for vacuuming and cleaning bathrooms and getting a bunch done. Then Hubby came home and I looked around at the bits of laundry on the couch and the toys everywhere and the snack the kids just had on the table. More cleaning than I ever used to do in a week in one day of us being here all day looked like nothing. I basically feel like a bad housekeeper. That kind of sucks. I put myself through college and am still paying for it so I can be a sloppy, tired, frazzled housekeeper?

I hate to admit it, but I think the twins are bored shitless with me. I feel so guilty, but the baby still dictates our schedule because his sleep is sometimes good but sometimes not, he goes through frequent growth spurts where he needs to eat a ton and be held a bunch. I love holding the butterball a bunch and am so glad I get to do it at my leisure instead of outside my working hours, but I'm not sure if I'm keeping the twins from better things.I joined the gym to get myself in shape, get some alone time, and let the kids socialize. They fight me tooth and nail to get there and I do not enjoy loading the three up in the car so I have put in my notice until they are older and a little easier and the baby has a better routine. I would really like to send the kids to preschool but we are poor, there are no school district options for our income level, and all of the kid's day out programs are religious so I'm not sure what to do. The twins are going to one week of preschool summer camp next week so we will see how great life is and what kind of lengths we should go to to possibly put them in some type of preschool (options: cooking meth, selling body organs, prostitution, etc).

There are some moms who are just so with it, you know? They look good, their kids are happy, they are happy all the time. I wonder how they do it. I asked quite a few and got great info. On another note, many of the ones who are super moms I have found out later have their kids in school, nanny's (some full time and overnight), people who come to clean their house, sitter's to watch their kids while they go to the gym, husband's who do all the grocery shopping, the list could go on. I kid you not. No wonder they look great, right? This makes me feel worse in a way because I dream of being rich but better in a way because it's all on  me. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but only a liar says they never compare. It's the human way (or the American way at least).

I am in a kind of limbo because I can't wait for the baby to get older so we can get back to the place we were in where everyone is mobile and on the same page. At the same time, all this snuggling I get to do with the butterball I didn't get to do as much with the twins so I want to take advantage of it. I love fat baby snuggles and even big three year old snuggles. I don't want to wish their littleness away just so I can get more things accomplished. It goes by so quickly! There are major plusses to being at home as well. Every Monday we have PJ day. All day. It's fun. While everyone is complaining of the Monday's we are in our jammies making muffins or some other baked goods. I don't like doing 7 loads of laundry a day, but with some maneuvering, I can do 7 loads of laundry a day. When we do things together we can "stop and smell the roses." Roam at our own leisure, if you will. We don't have to be anywhere. We have started packing a picnic once a week and meeting Hubby for lunch at a park near his work. I feel way less guilty taking time to myself. I get to hear each and every crazy thing that comes out of the twins mouths firsthand. Another cool thing is that I have been doing a lot of around the house projects that weren't really urgent before. I have been taking before and after pics and can't wait to share all the organizing I've been doing.

Being 100% unemployed hasn't really worked for me though so I have been working for the last month in retail. It is very flexible, between 12-20 hours a week in the evenings. I have to say it's fun and I know it's a luxury to work for fun. It gives me a reason to put on some Spanx and a face of make up and go earn some dough. I have worked with many interesting characters and it's just easy and enjoyable. I like it. I good mix of lots of my kiddo time and time to myself, plus money is always nice. We are having a big garage sale this weekend and purging a bunch of our crap. I hope it will be a new beginning!

So, any magical tips you have at making things easier, you are welcome to leave me!



There was a "Sid the Science Kid" movie on PBS one day so we made a make shift movie theater and had popcorn!

My Babies are 3

THREE!!!!! How did the time go by so fast? I feel like they were just born, but also like they have been here forever and I never had a life before them.

My little lovies when they were first born. That was such a surreal experience (by surreal read: I had no idea what on earth had just happened to me). They were so little and smooshy at 5 and 6 lbs. I couldn't believe they were here.

Their one year old birthday.

This was so special because I felt like I had it finally figured out, they were sleeping more and developing big personalities. They weren't walking well yet. I was so into their party and it seemed like such a huge milestone, one year!!

Two Years Old

And now, THREE!!

Three has been a crazy birthday. My babies aren't really babies or toddlers. They are preschoolers. They are people now. I know they were always people, but they're like real people. They have opinions and they want to know about everything and they go to the bathroom in the toilet and want to get themselves dressed and be part of our conversations. It is so odd to have had little smooshy babies and now they are people. The big job of raising good people in the world has begun.

We celebrated with a birthday party with friends at a jump jump place and then had family over for dinner afterward. It was really nice.

I love these two monkeys. The monkeys who made me a mama are three. Wow.

This was of course a pinterest find and a big hit!

The Stuff I Thought I'd Do

When I was imagining myself as a parent, I had an idea in my head about what it would be like. I thought about the things I would do and how it would all turn out.

Well . . . . reality hasn't been quite the same.

1. I thought I would make all their baby food.

I bought some supplies and got to work. I did want them to eat organic so that means I have to drive to Whole Foods. Whole Foods food costs an arm and a leg. Then I printed the recipes off the internet and cooked up a few items.

I did this exactly once.

It was boring for one thing and I was awake when I wanted to be asleep. I'm not exactly a great cook so it also looked a little weird. I pulled my receipts and did the math. Between driving to Whole Foods, buying the expensive organic stuff and then spending valuable sleeping or baby time cooking food it just didn't seem worth it. At all. So I never did it again and just bought baby food at the store. I will more than likely do the same this time!

2. I thought we would be an a rigid schedule.

I work with kids so I know that scheduling is important and routine can make or break your day. But when the twins came, I just couldn't do it. I couldn't finish up feeding one munchkin and look at the other sweet munchkin sleeping so peacefully and wake them up. We didn't take naps on a strict schedule. We just went with the flow. We eat when we're hungry and sleep when we're tired. If we want to go to the park instead of do something on the schedule, that is what we do. As soon as they turned one, bottles would be out the door. Confession: They still get to have a bottle a day if they want one.

I know I made my own life harder. I'm going to try to do a little better this time, but in reality, probably I won't.

3. I thought I would be strict.

Tantrum? Time out! Not listening? Time out! Eat all your dinner or don't leave the table. My children would sit perfectly and quietly out in public at all times. Etc. Etc. Etc.

That definitely does not happen. One night Peanut was driving me nuts. She was being indignant, would not do a single thing I asked her. I completely freaked out. Then I cried for hours and I will never forget the look on her face when I became that strict, stern parent I thought I'd be. I've never been that harsh again. We do time out pretty frequently (I know it's shocking that the twins get a little crazy on a regular basis). I also try to remember that they are just now starting to be able to verbalize what they are needing or wanting or experiencing. We are working on sorry's and hugs and using nice touches together.

Sometimes when they are throwing tantrum after tantrum after tantrum and I want to totally freak out, I remind myself that something might be going on and they aren't trying to kill me. I pick them up and rock them in my arms and sing "it's okay, it's okay" until they are calm. I got a little teary eyed the other day when Peanut picked up her puppy and rocked it back and forth and started singing that little song softly in the puppy's ear. I had a moment of pride that I did something that stuck with her and made her feel better and she wanted to copy it, so I'm good with this too.

4. I would NEVER let the kids sleep in my bed.

My son is two and half and sleeps in my bed about three nights a week. I don't care. Enough said. Baby 3 due to space issues and my visit with reality of not wanting to go into another room all night will just have it's room in our room. Anytime they are calling for Mommy and need snuggles, they get them.

I've gone back on a lot of things I thought would lead to perfect parenting. There is no such thing as perfect parenting and I feel like we're doing pretty well and I am definitely biased, but the twins are so smart and funny and loving and awesome, so I can't be screwing up that bad and I'm not sure that making my own baby food would have changed that so much.

So Inappropriate

My big kid babies are now sleeping in toddler beds! The transition was super easy. Nap time on the weekends are hell, but other than that they have been very good. They stay in their beds and sleep all night. We had a brief episode of them falling out and that was the worst thing, but other than that, easy peasy!

The other night we put them in bed at their usual 9:00 p.m. bedtime. Hubby puts them to bed because I'm tired and grumpy every night and they like someone to lay on the floor for awhile and sing songs with them. Once Hubby was done, he ran into the room, disrobed himself and jumped in bed smiling for you. know. what. I told him not before 10:00 p.m., I am busy watching Private Practice. So he rolled over and fell asleep.

I thought I heard some commotion around 9:25, then at 9:30 two sleepy eyed monkey's walked out of their room and into ours. Peanut did a big smile and said "I wake up now!" I know everyone says this, but my kids are SO cute. Melt your heart, do anything they say, adorable. Irresistible. What would a good parent say? They would say "it's bedtime, go back to bed." What does this mama say? I swooped them both up and gave them hugs and kisses and said "why don't you just hang out with mommy for a little bit?"

They leaned back on the pillows and smiled. We starting watching Private Practice. They found this very boring.

"Peanut, you ready to go back to bed?"

"No Mommy, I just hanging out okay?"

"You can hang out for five more minutes and then we will go back to your bed."

Four people and a fetus gut in a queen sized bed is a pretty tight squeeze. I asked Osh if he wanted to move closer to Daddy. Hubby was only kind of conscious. I raised up the covers and Osh went to move in and stopped. He looked at me with this disgusted face and said "Eeew, Daddy naked." Then he plopped himself right back where he started and gave me a hideous look and again said "Daddy naked mommy, ick."

Ha! I laughed my butt off.

The twins then decided they better just go back to their own bed so they crawled off of my bed and went into their room and shut the door then went to sleep. I guess a naked daddy and Private Practice wasn't worth a room escape.

*********

Update: I got a really good coupon from the Gap so I ordered Baby 3 the outfit that I want him or her to wear home from the hospital. It's warm and snuggly and I can't wait until it gets here.

In other shopping news, my son is growing like a weed. We had to get him new pants and shoes two months ago. He has already outgrown them both! He wore a 5T sized shirt the other day. Peanut on the other hand, still fits in Fall clothes from last year. Sigh.

Smart A$$

My son is a total smart a-word.

He is my loviest boy, but he also never stops talking. This leads to him saying some unfortunate things.

Me: "Stop flinging that toy around in the backseat, you are going to hurt your sissy."

O: "You just drive, okay mom?"

WTF?

***

Me: "It's time to go to school honey." He was standing in the doorway of the playroom.

O: "No way mom." Slams door in my face.

***

They had built a huge pile of towels to jump into from the couch.

Me: "That looks fun!"

O: "Sorry mom, you too big."

***

Me: "As soon as this baby comes out, I'm going to have some booze."

O: "No you not have boons mommy! You don't have that!"

Peanut; "No you not, bones are for doggy's."

O: "Yeah, bones for doggy's"

***

I was in the shower and Osh man came up to check it out.

O: "Mommy, you in the shower?"

Me: "Yes I am." I turned off the water and opened the shower door. He picked up my towel and handed it to me.

O: "Here your white towel Mom. Dry your boobies, okay?"

***

He was running around smacking a hanger as hard as he could into the couch. I told him to stop that right now, put it down, it is not safe to do that.

O: "I not mack this okay? I put it down. I not mack it."

Me: "Thank you honey."

I walked upstairs, heard the hanger hit the couch again and him yell "MACK!" and him and his partner in crime laughing loudly.

I'm so screwed.

*********

A few weeks back we embarked on a new activity that the nuggets and myself have never tried before . . . the drive in movie!

There were a lot of awesome parts:

1. Our whole car went in for $20. They were showing Ice Age and Dark Knight Rises. Two movies, four people, $20? Awesome!

2. We packed a picnic for dinner and snacks of our own. And by packed a picnic I mean we drove through Sonic. Cherry limeade anyone? We pulled out a big blanket and ate and hung out while waiting for the movie. Even though we brought our own stuff, they had popcorn there, made with REAL butter. REAL. Yummo.

3. There was a playground that the kids could play on before the movie started and lots of rocks in the parking lot for Osh man to throw.

Now comes the parenting fail:

Ice Age Meltdown or whatever the heck it's called was first but didn't start until 9:00 when it's dark (the weather was beautiful also, hello luckies). The twins loved the movie and thought it was super funny. They were so tired we laid them down to sleep and they began drifting off. They woke up immediately as soon as our movie started and watched a good chunk of Dark Knight Rises. Definitely not age appropriate at all. It's better than a lot of things we watch after they go to bed but still. In my defense, we had a plan that we would put them in the car with blankies and they could watch Shrek on the car DVD players, but Hubby was in charge of that and he was too lazy. Yeah . . . .







I realize upon reading through this that you probably think I am a 900 lb. person between the real butter popcorn, snacks, Cherry limeade's and Sonic grilled cheese. I can truly say that I am as surprised as you are that I am in fact normal sized (although I could afford to lose a few pounds). Mama loves food!

Also, I would like to add that I have made comments on a bunch of your blogs, but I can't read those damn "prove your not a robot" things and I try again and again and it eventually just doesn't let me comment! I'm sorry, I tried!

Tid Bits

The other morning, Osh man ran into my room and yelled "Good morning! I love you Mommy!" in the most dramatic fashion. So. super. awesome.

Our house is not selling. Not to mention it's super old and hotter than Hell outdoors so half of our house is sinking into the ground due to the dryness. Yeah, let's just plan on it selling NEVER, blech!

We were watching the Teen Choice Awards and Ian Somerholder came on. Peanut was sitting on Hubby's lap and I said that I think guys with dark hair and light eyes are so sexy, that's why I had to kiss Daddy and marry him. She looked at me and said "you no kiss my daddy." This is the second time she has said that! Little stinker. I can't wait until her brother gets a girlfriend someday, that is going to be hilarious!

Hubby and I are shooting for a natural birth this time around. If you don't recall, my c-section ended in blood vomitting, years of healing (my scar still burns) and that combo of meds made me feel so confused that I don't remember lots of things about those days and I want to have a different experience. We were looking up Bradley method books to buy online last night. Hubby so kindly told me that he thinks he will be okay without reading it because he has seen it so much on TV. Uhhh . . . . . I told him if I am looking to him for comfort in a moment of pain to help me and he wings something because he saw it on TV one time I am going to kick his balls off. He has now agreed to read the books, ha!

One of my kids at work asked me if I had done something with my hair because it looked really nice. I told him I had just brushed it before coming to work. "You don't normally brush your hair?" I said nope. He said "awesome." I'm so glad there are people who appreciate my sloppiness, even if they only happen to be in 5th grade.

I'm very satisfied with this season of Bachelor Pad. It's dramarific!

So, even though I'm pregnant, I find other pregnant women to be rather annoying. I know, weird, right? All the whining and the desperation for attention is just a little silly. A few people have asked if I'm having a second shower and I don't find it a priority. I had a friend offer and said we could discuss it later. I do not believe that if I don't have one that equals we are not celebrating this child's life. First of all, no fetus gives a shit if you have a party for it. If your child grows up and gets upset because they have found out you never had a shower for him or her and that child needs therapy, you know you have raised a child with some bizarre entitlement issues. Honestly, pre-birth baby showers are for the mother. I loved my shower for the twins, but the sun will not rise and set on having another one. If no one on this earth cared that I am having this third precious nugget, I do not care. I have children because I love children, I love my family and I have always wanted to be a mommy. Is that weird? I guess it is, but I'm cool with being weird. I threw a shower for a friend on her third child because she really wanted one and I was happy to oblige. I just don't get when people bitch about it, like everyone hates them because they aren't having a second, third, fourth child shower.

This will be a shock, but I do have friends in real life! Woo hoo! One of them just started a blog about meal planning that she does as a working mom. I find cooking at the end of my work day to be cruel and unusual punishment, but soon I will be on maternity leave and making zero dollars, so when I'm not eating ramen noodles I am going to try some of these recipes! Check it out: lucysdiner.wordpress.com

HOW TO ENJOY THE iPAD ACCORDING TO THE TWINS

1. Take off your pants



2. Climb in the window sill




3. Enjoy!

Mom?!

I know that lots and lots of mommy's love their kids so much it's overwhelming. I am not one of those people that think I love my kids more just because of infertility. But I will admit I think there is something different. With everything in life, if you want something and you get it right away or easily, it just isn't as sweet. Like my Corolla. It was the first car I bought on my own and when it was paid off and not the bank's car it was my car and it felt so lovely. Or when I graduated college. It sucks balls to go to school for five years and work and have finals and papers, but then you walk down the hill and start sending out resumes and all that work felt so good to end in an accomplishment. Or walking down the aisle to marry Hubby after our relationship culminated for four years knowing that I knew him so well. There's just something that feels good about getting to where you want to go after time and effort and not just one day because you feel like that.

Hearing my monkey's call me "mommy" for the first time is one of those things. Like I said, I know this is special for all mommy's, but for a mommy who went through hell and time to get there and who spent so many nights (and mornings and afternoons) crying into my pillow thinking that I would not ever be a mommy, hearing those words is just extra sweet. Everytime I hear it I smile. I love, love, LOVE it.

Well . . . . Mr. Osh man started calling me "mom" three weeks ago instead. The first time I was like "what the hell?!?!?" I'm not mom! I am mommy! Mom is for pre-teens who are whining to "mom" that they don't want to pick up their laundry before they play 9 hours of video games. It isn't for precious, baby faced boys to say when they are only two years old! I'm not ready! I AM NOT READY FOR MOM!

I tried to tell him to call me mommy, but he just continues with mom. I am a short person and Hubby is tall. The result of that is a little boy who is now half the size of his 28 year old adult mama. I pick him up sometimes and he tells me "Oshy too heavy."And it's true. My 6 lb. baby boy is getting too heavy for me to carry him around like I always do. I love to carry him and smell him and snuggle him just like when he was new. He tells me all the time "no, Oshy do it" and then I don't help him.

It took so long to get to mommy, and in such a short time I have already become mom. So I'm going to do it. I am going to say the whiney thing mom's have been saying for ages. IT GOES BY WAY TOO FAST. Way, way, way too fast.

Tear. Good thing Peanut is a little runt that still calls me mommy.

Separating the Twins

Hubby called me this week and said that the daycare director asked if we would be okay if we moved Osh man up to the next class because there was an opening. Hubby thinks this is a great idea to give them some time apart.

Well . . . . Mommy said no.

I know Hubby thinks we need to make sure they know they are "individuals" and they know that! Sheesh, they couldn't be more opposite. They do like to be together though. Osh way more than Peanut. Oshy just doesn't like to be alone. Part of me thinks it may be good for him, but he is only 2! If he were 5 or 6 I could explain it to him, but what he will be seeing is that sissy gets to stay in the class that he really loves while I drag him down the hall to a new place and how do I explain that to my sweet little two year old boy? I don't think I can.

In terms of transitions, this won't be fun no matter what. Oshy and Peanut both really love their teacher and their classroom, so changing teachers isn't going to be awesome. They have had a sub for some days and Oshy walked into the class and saw the sub and then walked right back out and told me he is going home with mommy!

This is how I see it. We could have one transition which would be two toddlers moving to a new class and getting used to it.

Or we could have a million transitions in one.

1. One toddler moving and transitioning.
2. Both of them transitioning to not being around each other.
3. The next one moving up and having another transition for another child.
4. The kids then getting used to being together all day again.

4 transitions vs. 1 transition? I think you know what this lazy mama is going to choose.

I know someday we will have to do this and Hubby thinks I'm babying them. But they are my babies, so baby them I will! My nuggets will be in the same class.

So there.