Wednesday, October 23, 2013

That Time I Lost the Twins in Target

Taking three small children to the store, any store, sucks. I work evenings and weekends so the odds of me finding the time to go to the store alone are so slim I don't count on it ever happening. Target is so kind as to provide an ample supply of the carts that fit three kids. Aldi's also has carts that are good for multiple children therefore they are the main two places that we shop (yes, food snobs, I didn't say Whole Food's, we shop at Target and Aldi's, THE HORROR). Aldi's isn't terrible because it is small but by the time we leave Target I need a case of beer or a Xanax or a weekend trip to myself. The kid's also tell me all the time "mommy, you have your hands full" because they have heard it so many times in public.

After a long and tedious Target trip that would take me 30 minutes max by myself, but has taken me nearly an hour and a half with the three littles we are finally ready to check out. I have mistakenly left out one jar of baby food to go towards my coupon that I brought. I let the lady at the register know that I am going to go grab one more, my two kids are in the cart and I will be right back. I tell the twins "do not get out of this cart, Mommy will be right back, stay right here."

Famous last words.

Baby and I run, literally, to the baby food aisle, which really isn't actually that far from the register. I grab the jar of food and run back to, you guessed it, not twins in sight.

I asked the lady where my kids are and she said "what kids?"

Alright, I know it is not her job to babysit my children but I would expect any decent human being to not watch two kids run away and not say a word so I must say, WHAT THE FUCK.

I turn out back into the open space behind the registers and start looking for signs of them. I don't see them anywhere. I start to panic. Obviously someone kidnapped them because they are so exceptionally attractive, smart and funny so I feel like I am about to pass out. I start briskly walking through the store calling out their names. People are staring, of course.Luckily, I started hearing "mom, where are you?" in the produce section.

I grabbed them and gave them hugs. Ever was really not phased at all. Ocean was in complete and total panic mode. When Ocean gets embarrassed he freaks out. He threw himself on the floor. I picked him and told them both sternly that I had told them to stay in the cart and I was so sad they didn't follow directions.

The peak of the action came when Ocean yelled out "but I fought you was a good mom!! you left us!" Crap. Really. People are totally staring now and one lady is giving me the worst look ever. I almost had a word with her but figured we looked bad enough already so I let it go.

There you have it, the first time I lost my children in public.


  1. That must have been so scary! I remember I used to hide on my mom and think it was so funny. And then the first time I lost a kid I was babysitting in a store I felt like my world was ending. I have since apologized to my poor traumatized mother! Glad you find them safe and sound!

  2. I remember when I was little (I don't know how old) and my little brother (2 years younger) and I decided to hide in a clothing rack at a store like Ross or something similar. We thought we'd jump out and scare my mom when she walked by. Except we waited and waited and she never came by, and then we heard our names being pages, but then we were like "they can't be calling us, how do they know who we are?" and we waited some more, and finally went to look for her. She was furious and reacted really badly. I totally understand now, though. I lost my daughter Tadpole (when she was around maybe 18 months old?) in a huge department store that had doors that opened onto a really busy street with a bus stop RIGHT outside with really unsavory people and I just freaked out. My husband was supposed to be watching her while I went to the bathroom. We found her smiling and babbling with some friendly store clerks at a cash register in another department. I was so furious with my husband!!!! Good luck, I can't even imagine having 3 of them (although I really wish I did, sometimes).

  3. I can rock Aldi's like no one else. That's how we can afford to eat actual, real, fresh fruits and vegetables.

    Glad you found the kiddos ;) They are too cute to lose.

  4. Oh my gosh, it's so horrible to lose them. I lost Davie in a Goodwill store once because she kept ducking under racks of clothes. I was literally screaming her name! Fortunately other shoppers helped me find her. And yes, not long after that I got one of those monkey backpacks that have a long "tail" and yes, I leash my kid when she wants to get out of the cart and I'm by myself. Yep, I one of "those." But it scared the pee out of me!!

  5. How scary! I'm sorry, but I had to smile at the "scolding" from O. Rachel has done that to me:). I like the way you responded when you found your sweeties. Hugs, Lori


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