You might recall that during my pregnancy with baby 3, Hubby said he really wanted to get a vasectomy. I said I wasn't really sure that I like the idea.
After having my little love bug, I told him make an appointment and take care of those things! Now he wants nothing to do with it. He reminds me back in the day that I wanted five kids. I love being a mommy and in many ways it has been way more magical than I imagined. In many other ways, it has been way harder than I imagined. Moral of the story: three kids are perfect. And really expensive so I can't imagine four.
Hubby mentions having more kids all. the. time. "Want to go make another baby?" No. "Look how cute our kids are, let's have two more." No. "We have two more seats in the van." No. "I thought you said you were going to give me a baby for my birthday." No. It goes on and on.
He even puts me on blast in public.
Random person: "So, are you guys having more kids?"
Hubby: "Yes, I want more kids but the wife doesn't."
Random person stares at me.
Me: "Aww, look at our little guy getting so big. I can't believe our last baby is standing."
Hubby: "He's not our last baby."
He finally asked me during dinner why I don't want anymore babies. I told him that I feel our family is complete. I feel that we are perfect as we are and there is no need to mess with it. I asked him in return why he thinks we wants more babies. He said he loves being a dad and having kids is so great he thinks we should just keep going. Cue the sappy music and guilt trip.
I don't know why we have Nash and I don't want to know. I'm not doing treatments again, period. I don't need to know failure again. I'm good. I have three healthy babies, no need to tempt fate a fourth time. I feel so sad for Hubby that he doesn't feel done, but maybe I will change my mind or maybe he will change his mind. You never know. I hope I don't offend anyone but I never understand people desiring and trying for more babies while they still have a baby. I have a baby, therefore, I do not need a baby. The need is currently being met. TTC with a kiddo less than one is CRAZY!!!
Guilt trip or no, I do feel complete with our family. This little chubby has been such a joy and I think I'm good. When he is potty trained, no more diapers! When he is done breastfeeding, I get my body to myself! No more washing bottles, no more getting up a million times a night, etc, etc.
I also know that my baby boy being my last baby means no more toothless grins, no more tiny clothing, no more first steps and coos and sweet baby smell. No more chubby bunny small enough to carry. That is sad too, but it's a fact of life. Someone will be the last, so I am choosing to enjoy the heck out of all these little things instead of freak out that it will never happen again and I feel good about that.
Until grandkids of course.
What does the Hubby say to all of these things?
"Maybe you should start reading those Fifty Shades of Porn books again."