I know that lots and lots of mommy's love their kids so much it's overwhelming. I am not one of those people that think I love my kids more just because of infertility. But I will admit I think there is something different. With everything in life, if you want something and you get it right away or easily, it just isn't as sweet. Like my Corolla. It was the first car I bought on my own and when it was paid off and not the bank's car it was my car and it felt so lovely. Or when I graduated college. It sucks balls to go to school for five years and work and have finals and papers, but then you walk down the hill and start sending out resumes and all that work felt so good to end in an accomplishment. Or walking down the aisle to marry Hubby after our relationship culminated for four years knowing that I knew him so well. There's just something that feels good about getting to where you want to go after time and effort and not just one day because you feel like that.
Hearing my monkey's call me "mommy" for the first time is one of those things. Like I said, I know this is special for all mommy's, but for a mommy who went through hell and time to get there and who spent so many nights (and mornings and afternoons) crying into my pillow thinking that I would not ever be a mommy, hearing those words is just extra sweet. Everytime I hear it I smile. I love, love, LOVE it.
Well . . . . Mr. Osh man started calling me "mom" three weeks ago instead. The first time I was like "what the hell?!?!?" I'm not mom! I am mommy! Mom is for pre-teens who are whining to "mom" that they don't want to pick up their laundry before they play 9 hours of video games. It isn't for precious, baby faced boys to say when they are only two years old! I'm not ready! I AM NOT READY FOR MOM!
I tried to tell him to call me mommy, but he just continues with mom. I am a short person and Hubby is tall. The result of that is a little boy who is now half the size of his 28 year old adult mama. I pick him up sometimes and he tells me "Oshy too heavy."And it's true. My 6 lb. baby boy is getting too heavy for me to carry him around like I always do. I love to carry him and smell him and snuggle him just like when he was new. He tells me all the time "no, Oshy do it" and then I don't help him.
It took so long to get to mommy, and in such a short time I have already become mom. So I'm going to do it. I am going to say the whiney thing mom's have been saying for ages. IT GOES BY WAY TOO FAST. Way, way, way too fast.
Tear. Good thing Peanut is a little runt that still calls me mommy.