Sunday, July 15, 2012

50 Shades of Pathetic

I read the 50 Shades of Grey series. This is not a post that is about to say how awful and dirty it is or how terrible it is easy to have kinky fantasies about other men than your husband or that Jesus would hate this book. But it did make me wonder about a few things . . . .

Why did I read this book? I had finished a different book and logged into my iPad store to see what was on the top sellers list. 50 Shades was one, two, and three. I read the Hunger Games so was intrigued by another popular trilogy. I had no idea what it was really about. I was with Hubby on the couch reading while he was watching something and yelled out "holy God, this is porn!" I kept on reading because I don't really have a problem with porn.

I continued to read it because:

1. I had already started and wanted to see what the big deal was. This book is a fun, easy read. I read all three in less than two weeks, even with twins and a full time job. It's not heavy, a 14 year old could figure this stuff out. Fun and easy is a perfect combo sometimes.

2. Porn has it's perks. I maximized my time by reading this while doing cardio on my elliptical machine. I am one of this weirdos that gets runners high, so the good combo of all that sweat and adrenaline from my cardio session combined with a hot chick porn read lead to great things (Hubby and my 4 month cooked Greybie agree). What's not to like about that?

But this is where I experience confusion . . . . .

When I log in on Pinterest or Facebook and see all the pins and posts about how much women LOVE Christian Grey, all I can think to myself is "what the f$&@ is wrong with you?"

If you are ever on a date with someone and it is concluded by them showing you a room where he likes to beat on people while he has sex with them while under a contract in which he tells you what to wear, what to eat, who you can talk to and puts you on an excercise regimen of his liking, you should not come back for more. You should run. Or call the police. Or call Dr. Phil. Or even call an exorcist. Someone who solicits random strangers who look like their mother that didn't take care of him and died in front him for these sexual, dominating pleasures is probably only a few steps up on the crazy meter from the dude who puts pleasantly plump people in their basement and then uses their skin to dance around the living room in. NOT HEALTHY.

So what is it? Is it the money? Because that is just pathetic if it is.

Is it some deep, biological urge by women to be dominated and owned by men? I know I am personally not comfortable with that, but that doesn't mean everyone is. Maybe we have some primal urge to experience that.

I also know a lot of women are fixers. They like the danger of the bad boy, but want to fix him eventually. Nurture him into the man they want him to be. In real life, these ladies usually get stuck eternally fixing and that seems terrible. I like my people already fixed. I'm not the work in progress type. I think people can grow and learn, but I am skeptical of the ability to truly change a person.

Let's be real. In real life, 10 years down the road, she would be reading his cell phone texts and discover that he is out spanking and boning some othe dark headed, Mommy doppleganger chick and a big, scandalous court battle would ensue. Fantasies are nice, but the writing is all over the wall on this one.

Someone please explain this to me, I'm beginning to be very concerned . . . - Glad you finally found books to read that are as perverted as the porn I watch. - The sex in Fifty Shades of Grey can't possibly be more humiliating than the grammar in your posts about it.


  1. If you had written a post about how Jesus wouldn't like the book, I'd probably think you needed the exorcism. Or had fallen and bumped your head. ;)

    I've heard a lot of negative about the book - poor writing, not a good plot for reasons you mentioned, etc. I think I've only had one friend say good things about it, so I am wondering who is finding it so fascinating to make it so popular. Or my friends are lying liars. ;)

  2. I haven't read these because I had heard references to some of the writing being bad with examples and just couldn't go there. I also had heard about this Christian Grey guy and that whole deal just doesn't do it for me. I mean, I'm a gal that tends to be attracted to a bad boy, but there are limits!!

  3. I haven't read this series yet but I've heard SO much about it....guess I need to get on with reading it...although the owning part is not my idea of good time either!!

    Hope you guys had a great weekend!

  4. Dude...I am STILL trying to make it through the 3rd book. Every time I hear a woman say they want someone like Christian Grey, it makes me hates the book even more, on principal alone. I just don't get lusting over him. I want to punch him in the throat.

  5. After I read the books I wrote a flipping ginormous post on my blog (if you're interested it's because I just had so much I had to say. Including that he was kind of an a-hole. Yet I still finished all 3 books. Anyhow, I wouldn't want a guy like him. He needed a LOT of therapy, and his therapist must have been a quack if he couldn't solve it and this young girl could. Also, I don't know if you made it up, but I had never heard "greybie" before and that is hilarious.

  6. Hysterical!!!!!!!!!! I started reading the first book. The writing is SO BAD. OMG!!!! I started skimming through chapters just to find the sex scenes. LOL. I've only found a couple of them, and I skimmed over the contract, so I know what I'm in for. I wouldn't go for that stuff in real life, but I think its fun to read.

    The only other chick porn I've read is the series that was by Ann Rice (but she wrote it under a pen name that I can't remember). I fyou're interested, look up "Beauty's Punishment". Bc its Ann Rice, its just much better writing and more of a story. And then there's the classic of all S&M novels -- "O".

    So based on my very limited experience, chick porn is either S&M fantasy or its pictures of hot dudes without shirts holding babies. Or washing dishes. I like all of the above. :)


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