Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Boys and Girl Stuff

Ever discovered a headband in the guest room this weekend. She calls it her pretty and likes to put it on and wear it around the house. Today she wanted to wear it to school.

Ocean kept grabbing at the pretty and saying "my pretty." I told him that is sissy's pretty. He was sad and wanted a pretty, so I gave him a headband to wear as well. He was so happy. I am talking grinning from ear to ear happy. This mama likes nothing more in this world than to see a grinning, happy nugget. I told him he looked pretty too.

It was time to go to school and Ocean still wanted to wear his pretty. Ever was still wearing her headband so I just couldn't tell him to take it off. I don't know how, and actually don't really feel right, to tell my baby boy that just because he has a weenie he can't wear a pretty. Why can't he? Because society says boys can't? Well, society is dumb so if he's happy he can wear the headband.

As I pulled into the driveway of daycare he was still happy about his headband. I want very much to raise children that can be themselves. If everyone thinks they are dumb, weird, different, a jerk, or whatever "most" people think I want them to think about what they think of themselves and if they feel comfortable with themselves I want them to be that. I want them to be happy with who they are and everyone, despite how our society is, does not have to be the same. Let people talk crap, but be who you are. I want them to have that confidence.

BUT . . . . . I know very well that other people can be the cause of great unhappiness. That they will rain on your parade and make you feel like crap for being who you are because they don't get it. As much as I want them to be confident in themselves no matter what, I also want them to be happy. I realize the kid is only one, but he is such a sensitive boy. Loving, sweet, and sometimes the typical maniac that is a boy kiddo, but also very sensitive. We have to walk through a 4-5 year old room and those kids could very well make fun of him for wearing a headband, in which case I would have to deal with thoughts of wanting to kick a little kid's ass and I just don't want to go there (by the way, for people who can't take a joke, that is sarcasm and I would certainly never kick a 4 year old's ass).

We got out of the car and I said "Osh, do you want to leave your pretty in the car for when we get home?" I waited in great nervousness for his reaction.

"Yep, mommy" was the answer and he threw the headband in his car seat.

I have to admit I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I don't know if I did the right thing, but I left it up to him and we avoided a potentially awkward situation. I felt kind of silly putting that much worry into a headband, but I want to do right by my babies just like all mom's do and I have that intense, primal instinct to protect my nuggets so much that even little decisions like whether or not to wear a headband make me think a little deeper.

haircut 016

My Oshy boy, wearing fairy wings, a sun hat and a cowboy hat. Love him!


Ever is a jewelry fiend. The girl loves bling! Poor Hubby!


  1. I wish I knew the answer to the headband thing. My son took my daughter's headband and put it on, and didn't want to take it off, and my elderly mother and her friend made some slightly rude comments about it. Although they thought it was cute. I'm not sure what I'd do if I thought he'd be in a situation where other kids would be mean to him.

    I LOVE Ever's shirt in that pic - where is it from?!?!

  2. I would have done the same thing, Ashy. Let him wear it, but give him an out. But I also would have let him wear it to school if he wanted. I let C paint his nails when he wants. It's all fun. And if Sissy gets to do it, why not brother too?

  3. Nice job, Mommy. I have come across stupid people lately. A has a pair of rainbow colore baby legs, and we were out and about and someone make the comment that the baby legs were gay. Really? I just said, "And? So?"

  4. I would have made them both leave headbands in the car going to daycare. (having taught in daycares for 15 yrs) Chances are, for safety reasons - and for the risk of it getting lost - the teacher took Ever's off her immedaitely and tucked it in her bag for the day anyway.

    Carl has never asked to wear a dress or skirt... but anything else goes around here. For the longest time, Gretchen's favorite shirt had construction vehicles on it. One of Carl's all time favs (which he wore to school and all over) was a lavendar shirt with glitter and kitties on it. He gets his toenails painted whenever he asks. (He has never asked for fingernails. I wonder why not.)

    Good job letting him have fun playing dress-up. Dressing up/pretend play is a great learning tool!

  5. I think you did awesome!
    I'm not sure I would have let either of my twins take their headbands into the car to avoid the crying before dropping them off and for unity purpose BUT that is exactly me giving in to stupid society rules. And now that I read this and agree that their happiness comes first (didn't give it a thought before, actually) I know that when my turn comes to deal with these types of situations, which I will, I'm definitely taking the Ashley road!


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