Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Nap Time and Surgery Update

Nap time, AKA Hell.

During the week my kids attend daycare while I go to work. I have picked them up twice during naptime and they are sleeping peacefully like little angels. I have never had any report that it is any different in the going to sleep department either.

Not at home on the weekends. On stay at home days, we rock in the rocking chair and we read 2-4 stories and they have a bottle (I know, I know, they're almost two, I'm a wuss). We go upstairs and I tuck them in, give them smoochies and tell them I will see them in awhile.

It is not long until I hear

A. Jumping
B. Banging
C. Laughing
D. Crying
E. All of the above

I try to ignore it to the best of my abilities. Both of the children at separate times have busted their faces on something while jumping on the bed. One glorious time my children both took off their diapers and were naked when I came to check because after an hour of their wild behavior silence usually equals sleep, but I like to check just in case. In this case it equalled two stunned toddlers who had crapped in their beds. Yay! Not.

We have tried crying it out. I admit I don't have the stomach for this, especially when it gets to the high pitched shrill and there is snot and swollen faces, ugh. I hate that. I let them cry for a little while, but my wussiness settles in and I usually go lay in the cribs with them.




The other Saturday we had a super lazy day and the twins knew both mommy AND daddy were downstairs so they were really having a party. Hubby went upstairs and swaddled them.


They were pissed. Also, I'm sure swaddling almost two years olds is not recommended.

Finally, we covered their window with a blanket and TA DA! It helped a bunch. I don't know how daycare does it, but I'm grateful they do. The blanket is still over the window, by the way. It looks bad and I need to find an alternative.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I went to the OB's office for my surgery follow up last Wednesday. The OB's office for an infertile person is actually lower than the level of hell that nap time is in by a long shot. It sucks. And OB's suck because they are always happy because they are surrounded by women in the best time of their lives even though they are giving you bad news. And you want to slap the damn smile right off their face, but then you don't because you've been arrested once and do not wish to repeat (ahem).

I was told when I woke up that they found endometriosis. While I was not happy to have yet another reproductive problem, I was happy that this was one they could fix! They could just burn it off, that's what they said. I was pretty happy to know that something was checked off my list.

Psych! Just kidding. It turns out in fact that it is not checked off my list, nor will it be.

The endometriosis was not extensive, so that's good. Unfortunately it is growing on my tubes where they cannot remove it. Also, where it is growing can get into the tubes and cause ectopic pregnancies. They checked and the tubes are currently open and unblocked so that is good. There could be less now than there was before due to the Lupron I was on for my big fat failure of an FET or it could just be starting. So basically my body could be a ticking time bomb.

I was feeling good after the surgery. I tried the FET and the surgery and I felt like I gave it my best shot for awhile and that felt really great. But to be kicked in the stomach again!?!?!? Having PCOS by itself isn't such a huge problem, women get pregnant with it all the time using Clomid or IUI's or nothing at all. Now I have a bad ovary and non-removable, possibly tube blocking endometriosis. I wanted to find something and fix it, but we have found more things that we can't fix.

I am so depressed. Really, I randomly burst into tears. I am 27. I should be bangin' babies out left and right. I have always, always, always wanted lots of babies. I am trying so hard to be grateful for the babies I do have and I am, but after they go to bed or before they wake up or anytime my mind is idle I just want to cry and cry and cry. Secondary infertility is such a lonely place because no one really cares or understand, even less than people did before. I read a great blog post recently that really described the emotions. Click here to check it out if you want.

So that's the deal. Not sure where to go from here. Give up? I don't know.


  1. We have these:

    Worth every penny!!

    I am so sorry about the endo. My first IUI was ectopic. It was the hardest thing I ever had to deal with. 5 years to get pregnant and I had to terminate it. And, the first round of shots did not work. I had to have a second set of shots. That haunts me to this day. My child was fighting so hard to live.

  2. Honestly, I didn't think that would post the first time. Ever since your SITS entry, I haven't been able to reply on your blog. The screen kept seizing up on me every time I tried. Guess the glitch is over.

    I think with the nap issue - at daycare, they know they are expected to sleep. No one is going to come climb in with them, plus, everyone else is doing it. That group peer pressure works wonders potty training, too. At home, they have learned that you are not really going to let them CIO. They know at some point, you will appear and they are waiting to see when. that random payout is what keeps a gambler pumping coins into the slot machine... one time, it will work. Maybe this time? OK, maybe now?

    Then again, lots of kids give up naps by age 2. I know it sounds crazy. Mine are 6 and they still nap on the weekends. I would have gone crazy without 3 hours of nap daily. I did rub backs to get them to sleep for a long time. But, it usually took about 15 minutes. I used to look forward to that quiet time each mid-day.

    Hope you can find the solution to happy sleeping soon. Love the photo journalism!!!!!

  3. Sorry about the nap time drama. I always thought that I would be a fan of crying it out, but it turns out I am a big baby and can't let her cry for more than 10 minutes. My DH always gives in and just naps with her in our bed. It's pretty cute, actually.

    And, I am SOOO with you on the secondary IF thing. My DD is only 8 months, but we are already back at the RE. I used to think I wanted 8 kids, but now a dream come true would be for us to have four. I'm 26 and agree with you that we should be popping out the babies to our hearts' content!!!! BTW, I used to not feel sorry for those with secondary IF because, well, they already have a baby, so shouldn't they be happy? Shame on me. SHAME. ON. ME. It sucks (just as much as primary IF, in my personal opinion). Blech.

    Here's to BFPs in 2012!

  4. I'm so sorry that there is more in your way. If you want more kids, I totally feel for you even if you already have two.

  5. I'm sorry. Secondary infertility can be so hard, and I've been in a place where I wondered if it was time to just give up. Unfortunately, no one else can give you that answer. Just follow your heart, and hopefully you'll figure it out. (hugs)


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