Sunday, July 17, 2011

Blog Reading Before Vs. After

When I was in the throes of IF, I would read blogs like crazy.

Thankfully, many of those bloggers are preggo/have adopted/had babies etc so now a lot of the blogs I follow are parenting blogs.

This has created a bit of a conundrum. Why? Because frankly, some people's parenting is just plain crazy in my opinion. I'm sure there are people who read this blog and are horrified by my parenting so I do understand that it's okay. I never leave nasty comments and have certainly never jumped on the anonymous rude comment bandwagon so I could come back at another time.

I'm not talking crazy as in dangerous and I should call social services, but crazy as in weird and I don't get it. There are many things in life that I can just say "to each there own" but there are some things that I just find straight loco.

It's hard because even though I don't really "know" my fellow bloggers, I needed their support and it was so cathartic to give support in return during the hell that is infertility. So how could I just delete them from my blogroll when I needed them before? But I had to. I recently just deleted a few because they were just too crazy to a point that was bothering me and I don't want to be bothered by strangers weird parenting. I have other stuff to do. I only deleted a few but it felt so wrong and dirty.

You see, I am a first time mom, technically. Really, though, I am a five time foster mom and someone with 11 years of experience working with kids so I just don't have the same issues many of my first time mom friends seem to have and sometimes that anal shit is just plain hard to watch. I have my moments, but it's not my consistent style of parenting, if you will.

Perhaps I am doing everything wrong. I don't know. I'm not saying this crazy anal parenting crunchy granola business is wrong, I just don't like it. The sad fact of parenthood is that their kids will probably turn out exactly like mine because I believe that a good chunk of personality is organic personality, not necessarily influenced by "methods" and things. Habits of course are usually learned, but not core personality. It's sad because we think everything we do is going to create who our kids are, but I don't believe we are really that powerful. I think we have a lot to do, but not as much as we hope.

It's really bizarre sometimes, the blog world. You know so much about people you just don't know. So I did some housekeeping.

P.S. If you are reading this and your blog is on my list even though you haven't updated in months, that means I miss you. Please come back to me. I need to read your business.

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Sweetest face on the planet

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  1. Dang, and now I'm curious as to who you deleted ; ) Don't feel badly, I'm sure no one's feelings were hurt!

    Is that watermelon on O's face? Too darn cute!

  2. I can understand this. Even infertility aside. I started following a few blogs that were due around the same time as me, and now I have a hard time following them for a couple different reasons. Whether it's how they parent their baby or just how they never even talk about being a mom, etc. Why did you have a baby if you are constantly partying and needing to find a babysitter?!?!

  3. I totally agree. You find that initial connection because not only are you living a similar pattern, but just the fact that you blog or use a message board is another common link.

    I have many people I have lost touch with (because of things just like uncommon parenting styles), but I have other close (internet) friends that I have been on a journey with since 2001 when I joined BZ. Most I met through ttc and IF, and now, many have twins (because of how you often solve IF). We've mostly graduated to FB, but there are many of my friends there that I have known in an online capacity for close to a decade now.

    I started blogging in secret and was just using it as an online diary for myself. I did eventually give out my address so family and friends could follow our day to day lives. And some days, after getting a response from my MIL about something she read that I wrote... I wish I could go back to anonymous posting. :-)

  4. I have a hrad time deleting any blogs I follow, even the ones I cringe at. It's like watching a train wreck or something. I can't stop reading/looking!!!

  5. Ha ha, I agree with My Vegas. There are some blogs I just want to yell at the people or think they are ridiculous but I can't stop! (Definitely not yours or hers though!)

    But now I am dying to know what kinds of parenting stuff drives you nuts!

  6. I'll be the first to admit (in case you consider stopping by,) I am one of those mom's who you'd delete. I'm just a very cautious, over-protective, first-time mom. I struggling with the idea of putting my almost five month old in a crib, in his own room (he's in his pack n' play in our room.) I will, however, totally admit that I'm a crazy person. I know it, if that makes it any better. LOL
    But...I'm dying to know what some of the behavior is that made you delete these people. What is some of the "crazy anal parenting crunchy granola business" that makes you crazy?
    I love reading about how you parent. I aspire to be more like you. More relaxed and willing to just let things happen. I admire that about you.

  7. I feel you. My story is a little different. My first blog was an anonymous IF blog and I met some real cool people but after a very painful miscarriage, I took a break from blogging. This is 3 years later and I occassionally still peek at my IF blogroll to see what everyone's up to.

    Like a few of the commenters said, after a while our common thread becomes broken

  8. Whew! I am still on your list:)!!! Like Lea, I'm curious what you read, who you deleted etc...I have so much catching up to do. I drop by but have not been leaving as many comments. I love your blog are a funny, gifted writer. I read a book the other day and the writer totally reminded me of your writings...I'll have to message you with some details. You'd get a kick out of it too, I think:)...Always LOVE pictures of your gorgeous babies...

  9. Enjoyed reading your post, Ashley...and I try really hard not to judge or assume, or even think about parenting because I'm not a parent. So I really don't have a clue yet. But I will say some of the stuff you read out in blog land, it makes you wonder what goes through in the minds of these folks! lol.


Thanks for stopping by! Sorry, no anonymous comments, if you can't put your name on it it's just no fun!