I'm going to be completely honest here: I was not fond of the first six weeks of being a mommy. I know I'm not supposed to admit that because I am infertile but it's true. I loved my babies immensely and burst into tears randomly when I looked at them. I loved having them sleep on my chest and smelling their little baby smells.
But I also felt completely insane. We went from two to four in the matter of an hour when I walked in for my c-section. I was in more pain than I ever thought I would be. I decided to attempt breastfeeding, which sucked and I felt like an animal in the barn (no offense if you love it). I was always scared something would happen and even if I got the luxury of two straight hours of sleep (although that was rare) I had to wake up to make sure that they were breathing properly and sometimes to even check to make sure that I really ever had any babies. I worried I was doing everything wrong that would cause them permanent damage and they would never forgive me. It was pretty miserable. If we were out and about I knew someone had twins because they would come up to me and say "it will get better, I know you're miserable but after a year it will be better." No one told me this before the babies came so I was in shock.
Things started looking better around 6-7 weeks and really in the last month there have been big changes. They are sleeping more which means I am sleeping more and it makes all the difference in the world. I love their smiles and watching them hit all their milestones. I just love everything about them.
Last night I felt like I was high on mommyhood. I came home from work and they were both sleeping. I ate dinner and looked over at Ocean on the couch and he was looking around. I walked over and he saw me and gave me the biggest grin. I scooped him up and he nuzzled into my neck for a second then looked at me. He smiled again. I was looking at his little face and thinking how flawless he is, everything is just perfect and beautiful. He is just such a sweet boy.
Ever got up and she is such a wild little thing, I love it! She flails her arms around when she gets excited and it cracks me up. It was bath night so I gave her a bath where she splish splashes water. You also have to give her a washcloth of her own or she gets mad. I pulled her out of the tub and we went into the living room. "Dancing with the Stars" was on so I danced around with her naked booty and she giggled and laughed. Afterwards she had a bottle, went to sleep and slept for almost 11 hours!
I'm so excited that this just gets better and better. I can't imagine that it could get any better, and then things like last night happen and it's amazing. I spend most of my day counting down the seconds until I get to see my monkeys again. I'm so thankful that having my sweethearts is such a joy. I think about what it will be like when they are walking and talking and the future seems so exciting.
Now I have 8 hours of a work day, and then it's baby time!