I am now flying solo, without help from my mom and am at home all day with the twins. Thankfully, I am so lucky that my grandma came over once during the day yesterday so that I could take a shower and do some laundry.
During my pregnancy I had twin guilt on several occasions. I put two embryos in knowing that we had a 65% chance of twins, so when I heard from the specialist that IVF twins don't "hold as well" and then from the OB that I was carrying so small that I wouldn't make it past 33 weeks, I felt awful for the risks I was exposing my babies too by being born prematurely. Luckily they were both wrong! I got twin guilt again when I got GD and heard the risks of premature lung function and blood sugar issues after birth. When Ocean experienced both, I felt terrible.
I experienced twin guilt yesterday big time. Both monkeys were hungry at the same time, but I only have two hands. I had to listen to one cry and cry for 15 minutes while we waited for the other to finish eating. I HATE hearing them cry when I can't help them. I felt terrible! Also while this was happening, I was so stressed I wasn't eating or drinking much and my precious breastmilk supply was dwindling. So not only could I not comfort my sweeties appropriately, but I was worried I was going to run out of milk for them.
This morning I was exhausted and again one started feeding then the other promptly started crying. I was about to begin crying myself when I grabbed the other bottle and attempted to feed them both. IT WORKED! I fed them each with one hand and then took turns burping them. Then I was able to sit and pump as one calmly sat in the vibrating chair and the other rocked away in the swing. I just stared at their sweet little content faces while I milked myself and I felt so much better.
Now if only I could teach them to sleep for 8 hours a night . . .
Me, the babies, their grandma and their uncles (my brothers)!