Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Judgemental Myrtle

I don't make New Years Resolutions. I don't care if there is a new year, I should always be trying to improve myself. For example, I wish I wasn't such a slob. But I don't care about that enough to try to fix it so it would be a waste of a resolution.

The one thing I wish I could change about myself is that I am super judgemental. I can't really help initial thoughts that pop into my head, I just wish there was something I could do to stop them from continuing from there. Or from starting at all, but that's kind of unnatural. Passing judgement is natural, but I think I do it WAY too often.

It's always been my nature. Since I was a teenager, for dating, I have a list. The list has approximately 37 things on it. When I would be out and about or if I had a date, I would always keep these things in mind. If the person had three or more things on the list (aside from a few zero tolerance things), then no matter how attracted I was to them or how much fun I was having there would be NO second date or future. Many people found this hilarious and just assumed I would end up single, but thanks to my list I am married to the best hubby ever. Obviously a success like this is great for my life, but bad for my want to change my judgemental nature because it completely validated it's importance.

As an infertile, I am very judgemental of pregnant people. Are they married? How much money do they make? Do they live at home with their parents? Do they provide benefits? What are they eating? Who are they dating? Did they plan this or was it an accident? All of these things are NONE of my business, but it happens nonetheless. Never in my life have I cared if people are married or not to have kids. I think I just do this because I want to feel better that it took us forever but at least we have met all the "requirements." But there aren't any requirements and being married doesn't mean that you are a good parent, I know that. And some people don't even get the chance to be married, like gay people, which that completely pisses me off (as you may know from previous posts).

Not only am I judgemental, but I am a hypocrite. I am completely non-judgemental of infertile people. I feel like we deserve all the free passes we can get. I don't care about money or living situations or anything, I think infertile people should get to do whatever they want. Actually, I take that back, I have a huge peeve of people who transfer tons of embryos, but we won't get into that. But that's it. Otherwise, if a person is infertile, they can do no wrong to me. I am also more lenient on people who have less money and have had a tough life, who are Democrats, etc.

I know that passing judgement is completely normal. But I don't feel that my level of judgement is normal. It's normal for me, but it would be freeing to just accept everyone as they are. Does this actually happen? Does anyone do this? I feel like it's a worthless resolution to make because it would probably require a brain transplant.

I want to be less judgemental for when the babies come out. I want to be the parent that says "as long as my child is happy and healthy, I will be proud." But that's not true. There are a lot of things that would make me disappointed. I know I will be judgemental of myself, if I'm doing things right, or if I screwed up my kid. When I go to therapy I talk about these things, but he says this is all normal human behavior.

But is it really??


  1. I sure hope so.... Otherwise I'm screwed too....

  2. Definitely don't make that your resolution. It just sounds like you have a particular set of standards that are very tough, but they inform who you are. Just like you'll inform who your children become. It's completely normal behavior and we all do it--we just don't admit to it as much as you do. Brilliant honesty!

  3. I am sure that we disagree whole heartedly on nearly every topic imaginable. Still, I respect and admire your candidness and honesty. You are going to be a really fantastic mom! Great post!


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