"This will be the best year of your life"
I loved it, it was perfect and I was on my way. Well, it turned out to be one of the worst so nine months in I tossed it in the trash and gave it the finger once it landed.
I met hubby and he is not a Chinese food fanatic so we only have occasionally gone to eat it, mostly special occasions when I would go to PF Changs (my favorite). After the end of IUI's, I felt terrible. Just so depressed. We went to a meeting regarding adoption because I just wasn't comfortable with IVF and it's cost. We found out that adoption was even more financially devastating than IVF. I figured I would just never be a mom and I needed to get a grip on it.
Hubby took me to PF Changs for a special day to take my mind off of things. I opened my fortune cookie expecting something silly, but instead I read this
"Nothing is impossible to a willing heart"
I couldn't believe it. I can't explain it, but it made me feel different. A random little fortune cookie. I placed it on my refrigerator (I still have it) and called Dr. B for a consult. It was amazing. My consult with the old RE sucked and I had a terrible feeling after the adoption seminar. I felt different with Dr. B and we decided right away to take the plunge. One year later, I came home with these
Last week hubby and I rolled through the Panda Express drive through. I had to convince hubby it was the best thing to do and that it would be good and the babies were sleeping in the backseat, we wouldn't even have to get them out of the car!
Hubby opened his fortune cookie after we ate and it said he needed to improve upon his work out routine. I laughed. I could only imagine what mine would say.
I spent over three years worrying, obsessing, and consumed by infertility. Now the hole in my heart is filled with my two monkeys. I know that no matter what I have them, and they are what I have dreamed of since I was just a little girl. But . . . . . something has felt a little off now that I can think about the whole picture. Money, career, and the life I want to lead with the kids. Some things will have to change or maybe just evolve to accomodate my dreams. I am not so desperate in wanting these things as I was for having kids, so I thought, it would be just the silver lining or maybe the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to have everything.
I opened my fortune cookie wondering if I also needed to hit the gym like hubby but mine said
"All the rainbow's treasures will soon be yours"
Yes!! I hit the fortune cookie jackpot again!
I have been going back and forth, but I decided to sign up for classes and make the active commitment to change my future. I am officially a student again starting 2011 to supplement my bachelor's degree.
I also picked up some cash to buy a lottery ticket.
I placed the fortune on the refrigerator with my "nothing is impossible" fortune. It's silly how something little and random can change your outlook. Now that I have my babies everything else is just extra, but who wouldn't want a treasure at the end of the rainbow?