Second Trimester

I've made it. I actually made it 4 days ago. It's unbelievable to me. I went to the first specialist appointment scared. I still use the Baby Beat everyday (sometimes twice). When I watch the ultrasounds happening on the screen, I feel like it is happening to someone else. When I was dreaming of the day that I would see a little heartbeat, I imagined crying my eyeballs out with joy. I haven't shed one tear because I am still in shock.

But I've made it to the second trimester. The fact that I am still truckin' along is so bizarre to me. I did many things to make it believable. Things that are actually considered taboo in the infertile world. I can't tell you how many posts I have seen on my infertility board about how these women can just not believe that anyone would tell people they are pregnant at 8 weeks or anytime before the first trimester is over. We shouted it from the rooftops at 4 weeks. I have a baby box and have bought baby items. I also bought maternity pants before the second trimester came along (although I didn't have much of a choice). We've picked out names, furniture, and began getting the house ready.

But it still seems like a dream. This is the only time we will experience this and I want reality to hit soon, but it just hasn't. I keep buying things and talking about it, so I'm hoping to get hit with it very soon. I will even share the loot with you!

This is the baby box. It was a gift from my grandparents the day we got our first positive beta test. My grandparents gave us the little trinkets, I bought the little jammies, and yes, I peed on 5 pregnancy tests of which I will save for the rest of my life.

This is just one of the onesies I've purchased. I also have a 5 pack of plain white ones, a pack of 3 socks (although now that we are having twins that's not really adequate), and 4 pair of pants. All unisex of course. Oh yeah, and two sleep sacks.

Our first package of diapers. We have received the advice of several people that everytime we go to the store we should pick up a pack of diapers. For some odd reason, this was the one thing I wasn't comfortable with until the second trimester. I knew I would keep my pee sticks forever. I could always give the clothes to someone as gift or give them to my foster agency in the event of a tragedy. But diapers are too personal and I couldn't bring myself to buy them. Today I did it, my first package of Pampers! 36 little diapies for 8.99 (good God that's crazy).

I can't believe this is happening to me . . . .

6 Years

Today, November 13th, marks 6 years of hubby and I being together! This is not our marriage anniversary, but the anniversary of the time that we stood outside his duplex and he asked how I felt about us being together as a couple. We've rarely ever been apart since that day!

This is the first time I met his family. He didn't tell me he was going to invite me, we went to Wendy's to grab a snack and then all of a sudden he was like "do you want to come over to my family's for Christmas?" It was so awkward because I didn't plan what I was wearing or bring anything! Although this was my second midwestern Christmas (in from New Mexico), you can see I didn't bother wearing tights or discontinuing my tanning bed use although it was winter.

This is our first vacation together in May of 2004. We took a cruise to the Grand Cayman Islands and Jamaica. The first few days of adjusting to each other were not cool, but then we ended up having a great time.

This is where we got engaged, on a beach in San Diego. He had the ring in one of his shoes the whole time. I wondered while we were at the airport why he was so attached to the shoe bag instead of giving me hell for a whole bag devoted entirely to shoes. I never actually said yes, I took the ring because I thought he was teasing me and when I figured out it was real I just gave him a hug and a kiss.

We got married June 2, 2007 and headed off to Hawaii for a week. We were supposed to go to St. Lucia but we didn't get our passports in time so two days before the wedding we had to completely change our plans. It was a good decision though because it was beautiful and we had the best time!

And now we're having babies!! I am going to get really corny on you and tell you that I knew he was the man I wanted to make babies with since not long after his little speech in the driveway 6 years ago.

I love you hubby!

Civil Rights and Religion

I've been waiting for one of you! As you can tell from my last post, I am pro-gay rights. And I don't even like to say that because I am really pro-human rights. If I have a right as a citizen, I expect ALL other citizens to share that right. I knew there would be someone who would feel the need to tell me that they too are prejudiced and have the right to judge another lifestyle to a point that they don't deserve the same rights as you. This is kind of a silly thing to do, but as I said, I knew someone would. Here goes . . . .

From Anonymous:

I'm a fellow stalker as well. Luv ur blog and ur willingess to share your journey, especially with us that are barely beginning this crazy process. As far as this post is concerned, I am against gay marriage. Why? Because I believe that marriage is ordained of God. However, I do believe domestic partners should be entitled to the same rights that married couples are. Do I have to be the perfect Christian to have this opinion? Anyone that proclaims something can be dubbed a hypocrite because we are all human and we are ALL guilty of saying one thing and doing another.

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for reading my blog! I'm sorry that you found yourself here, though, because that probably means that you are struggling with building your family. But we'll get back to that . .

You do not have to be a perfect Christian to have this opinion. You could be anyone and have this opinion. But Christian or not, you are a bigot for thinking it. People who vote against another's right to celebrate their love are people who are a detriment to a peaceful and fair society. Telling me that you believe that someone doesn't deserve what you have because of God does nothing for me. People do very strange things in the name of God. A man right here in this state killed his two friends and ate them because God told him to. As we all know, this would not be the first person to take a human life in the name of God. People all over the place take young girls for wives and use them for sex in the name of God. There are portions of the Bible that are beautiful and there are disgusting portions of the Bible as well (yes, I have read it). If you really read and understood the beautiful parts, you would know that this is wrong. I am judgemental too. I am judgemental towards people who take what could be beautiful and spiritual and turn it to something ugly. But I don't take my judgements to the voting booths to make someone else feel like lesser of a person because we do not have the same bedroom habits. That's the difference. I will actually admit that I am extremely judgemental, but I would never make someone feel terrible about themselves because of how they are born. That is wrong. That is wrong for anyone, Christian or not. I would never take away your right to be a Christian just because I think it's not right what can go on as a result of your religion. If you are a Christian in a full and true sense, you would open your arms and the arms of God to someone who wants to be a believer and celebrate love for another human being. And to say that you don't believe they should be able to get married but deserve rights (what?) is the same as someone who just said something racist and then says "but I'm not racist or anything, I have friend who is black."

That being said, I hope that if you are suffering right now because you want to have a family and it is difficult,that all of your dreams come true. Nobody deserves to go through this. I don't care who it is, when I hear of this suffering it makes me sad because I know how awful it is. I will think about you, although I have idea who you are, and hope that your journey is short. I will also hope that you will make it through without having one of your Christian friends who does not understand your journey tell you that babies are a gift from God, and if you haven't been chosen for this gift you are undeserving and God is trying to tell you He doesn't want you to be a mother (yes, this has happened to me on more than one occasion).

Best wishes,

Ashley

That's that! If you're reading this and don't like it, find someone else's soul to peer into on their journey and please don't bother writing a comment. There are some things that I can understand why there are differences of opinion. This is not one of them.

"When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion." - Abraham Lincoln, one of the greatest of all U.S. presidents and a firm believer in civil rights

"True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness."-Albert Einstein

That's enough deep stuff, my next blog post will be strictly baby related. :)

Carrie Prejean on the View

Let's take a break from baby psychosis to discuss this gem of a human being. I believe that she does have a right to her opinion and I also believe that people have a right to make mistakes. I don't believe that I really care that you are a Christian because that doesn't mean anything to me. I just love it though when "good Christian girls" seem to always be the ones who get knocked up in high school, have sex tapes, and take naked photos and then continue to pimp their Christian status to gain the love of the majority of the population. It's gross.

Anywho, she was on the View today discussing how she would have been Miss America if she hadn't said that she believes that marriage is between a man and a woman. Mostly all they wanted to talk about was her sex tape and her naked photos. It was obvious that they were trying to teach her a lesson and reach the organ that is found underneath the pile of peroxide that is her skull. Trust me, it was lost. Because, she would be no one to anyone, if the Christian people weren't peeing themselves with joy that someone said they don't believe in gay marriage. OMG, what a great role model, a fake boobed internet skank who is also a Christian. Because people, all that is important is that she is a Christian and Christian's are always right.

Basically the ladies of the View got her to say that, here comes a shock, "Christians aren't perfect." The part that continues to escape her, is that yes, you are not perfect, so you don't have a right to take legal rights away from someone else because you are not perfect. You may not read a book and decide that you make up people's rights because the Lord told you to. These people aren't asking to come to your church with you and get married there, marriage has LEGAL rights. I am completely missing the part where it is okay to decide someone's legal rights based on religion. It affects benefits through work, taxes, and even sometimes whether or not you can adopt a child.

Here's another tip for you, if you don't want to be called a bigot, you silicone filled moron, then don't act like a bigot!! If you think that people don't get rights for being different than you, that is what a bigot is. Duh. The whole thing disgusts me.

Hormones . . . . . .

Good Fetus Report

We had our first specialist appointment today and it went very well! Both babies are doing fabulous. They are measuring at 14w1d and they were moving around again. All body parts we checked were functioning well. Each appointment is such a huge relief!

This is Baby A. I'm pretty sure it's a he with a penis. Hubby said it was the umbilical cord, but I think it's a weiner.

This is Baby B. I think this is the girl. She was playing with her hands and then we watched her put them in her mouth! It was so adorable. They weren't as wild as last time, but they were definitely moving.

This is an alien from outerspace. Just kidding, it's Baby B, looking right at us. Weird! The specialist could tell I was a little worried and he assured me they would get a lot cuter before they come out.

I love ultrasounds. I wish I could get them everyday. But I can't! Next specialist appointment is December 8th and we will figure out if they are girls, boys, or a combo (please combo).