Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Dear Daughter: A Pee Tale

Dear Daughter,

My love for you is endless and all encompassing. I am going to tell you a tale that is surely a highlight of those feelings.

We were invited to a lovely party at a water resort. It is about a 40 minute drive from our home. This party was during nap time so I was hoping you'd get a little shut eye on the way there. Just a few moments before we arrived, you fell asleep, into your precious sweet girl slumber.

I decided we would stay in the car for awhile because we were early and you could get another 20 minutes of a nap. I really, really, really had to pee, but you looked so content to be sleeping that I didn't want to wake you and decided to hold it while Osh man and I played in the front seat of the car.

Ten minutes later, I was physically aching because I had to pee so bad.

In order to go inside this water park, I would have to carry you, your brother, and two bags inside and through a hotel to find the bathroom. I knew that you would not be happy to be yanked out of the car when you were sleeping so peacefully. I knew your brother would not be happy to run after mommy all that way.

I looked for a good place to go potty outside, but this parking lot was on a main street across from homes and there were large windows into the water park where everyone would see your Mommy's hiney. I was at a point where I absolutely had to go. So I grabbed a diaper from the diaper bag . . . .

I placed that diaper into my pants. Your brother asked "what you doing Mommy?" several times. Mommy is not the size of a toddler so I had to hold the diaper in place with my hands. I slowly started peeing in that diaper. My kidneys were aching badly, so I just let it rip and peed as fast as I could.

Warmth filled my hand and it felt really bizarre. Note to Mommy self: Potty train these children! This feels disgusting! Once I was done I pulled the diaper out of my pants and rolled it up. My kidney's were still hurting so bad that I had to get up and stand outside of the car.

That is when I noticed the gigantic pee spot on my car seat. I peed my pants. My butt was covered in pee and my car has adult, human pee in it.

And still, you were sleeping so well.

It was time for the party and I didn't want you to miss it because I peed my pants, so I put on the back pack, grabbed our second bag and your brother, and gently carried your sweet little body into the water park.

So, my dear daughter, in 14 years from now when you are screaming at me and telling me how much I don't love you because I won't let you date the tattooed high school drop out who is surely going to find great success someday with his awesome band because formal education just isn't for him, just remember this: I PEED MY PANTS FOR YOU! Not only that, but I walked into a party with an elephant sized Mommy pee stain all over my back because size 4 diapers aren't meant for Mommy's and I wanted you to be able to go to the waterpark as I know you love swimming.

Yes my dear, that is true love.

Love forever,

My little diva out shopping with me!





  1. Oh Ashey, you are TOO MUCH. That IS love.

  2. ROTFLMAO!!! Awesome. Just awesome.

    These are the tales of motherhood. The REAL motherhood :)

  3. Did you have a bathing suit with you? LOL I'd have woken her up long before you did. :-)

    Love the shopping pics!!

  4. OMGoodness, Ashley! I have tears in my eyes from laughing! You are too funny, an awesome writer and one amazing Momma:)...Just for the record...something I have never shared on my own blog...I did something similar once though not in a size 4 diapy. It was a McDonald's cup:)...There I said it. No one else knows about that:). Oh, and they shopping pictures? A girl after my own heart. Too stinkin' cute! :-)

  5. LOL at work!!! too funny, id do the same thing!

  6. Laughing my ASS off!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. P.S. She looks more and more like you everyday! Such a cute little shopping fashionista!


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