I know this will be very shocking to you due in large part to my sparkling personality and cheerful demeanor, but I'm antisocial. It's okay, pick your jaw up off the floor, it's true. I don't like people, I enjoy being with myself.
When we had no kiddos in the house a few weekends ago, hubby asked if I would go to a concert with him. I said hell no. I hate concerts. I love music. I hate lots of people, strangers in fact, being near me, touching me, yelling, icky. No thank you.
Since becoming a mom, I have had many unsettling experiences that seem to stem mostly from the fact that I have children. It's other women, making a beeline toward me, to discuss motherhood. I would feel more comfortable with a man in a mask with a knife and duct tape coming toward me because I'm trained in self defense. I am not trained in the small talk of motherhood. I am not trained in the art of being truly interested in other people's parenting tactics or childhood milestones. When I need help from other moms, I ask. Not ever one time in my life, have I felt compelled to walk up to a stranger and discuss parenting with them.
Once while shopping in Kohl's hubby and I were carrying the babies in a Baby Bjorn each. Shit like that is bad because "baby wearers" see that and come up and start assuming. That is another source of discomfort, assumptions of parenting tactics. "You are baby wearers too? You all look so comfortable. How wonderful that your husband participates" No, I'm not a "baby wearer," I am wearing my baby, there is a difference. I have not obsessively attached myself to a parenting style so that I can assure myself that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. Twin strollers don't fit in aisles so it's easier and I'd end up having to carry them anyway so I might as well just attach them to my body. Duh.
I do not say these things because even though I am uncomfortable, I know these people mean well. I know that as human beings we feel compelled to have connections with others and be validated in our lifestyles, I just happen to be abnormal. After a few moments of silence because I am thinking all these sarcastic things, I say something that I know will be satisfying to that person. Then I rely on easy questions that won't irritate me when answered, like how old, name, etc.
I enjoy mom friends when they have been selected carefully. My family makes fun of me for having blog friends (and I have even met a few in real life!) but those have been carefully selected as well so I know what I'm getting into. But random people at the grocery store, mall, etc. just freak me out.
I will just pray my children learn their social skills from daycare.**
**We chose to stay with daycare. The sickness is driving me up a wall, but we weren't very realistic with our schedules. The normal nanny hours would have been 9:30-4:30 which are pretty great hours. But hubby travels out of town for work frequently which would bump that time up to 6:00 p.m. for a week, costing extra $$. I have a meeting early once a month so that would cost extra $$. I have to go in when people don't show up which happens about once every other week so I need flexibility. Hubby is in class two nights a week so that would add hours. So really, we would be driving someone bonkers with our crazy schedules and spending lots of extra $$$$.