Sunday, August 28, 2011

The Mom to Mom Attraction

I know this will be very shocking to you due in large part to my sparkling personality and cheerful demeanor, but I'm antisocial. It's okay, pick your jaw up off the floor, it's true. I don't like people, I enjoy being with myself.

When we had no kiddos in the house a few weekends ago, hubby asked if I would go to a concert with him. I said hell no. I hate concerts. I love music. I hate lots of people, strangers in fact, being near me, touching me, yelling, icky. No thank you.

Since becoming a mom, I have had many unsettling experiences that seem to stem mostly from the fact that I have children. It's other women, making a beeline toward me, to discuss motherhood. I would feel more comfortable with a man in a mask with a knife and duct tape coming toward me because I'm trained in self defense. I am not trained in the small talk of motherhood. I am not trained in the art of being truly interested in other people's parenting tactics or childhood milestones. When I need help from other moms, I ask. Not ever one time in my life, have I felt compelled to walk up to a stranger and discuss parenting with them.

Once while shopping in Kohl's hubby and I were carrying the babies in a Baby Bjorn each. Shit like that is bad because "baby wearers" see that and come up and start assuming. That is another source of discomfort, assumptions of parenting tactics. "You are baby wearers too? You all look so comfortable. How wonderful that your husband participates" No, I'm not a "baby wearer," I am wearing my baby, there is a difference. I have not obsessively attached myself to a parenting style so that I can assure myself that I am doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing. Twin strollers don't fit in aisles so it's easier and I'd end up having to carry them anyway so I might as well just attach them to my body. Duh.

I do not say these things because even though I am uncomfortable, I know these people mean well. I know that as human beings we feel compelled to have connections with others and be validated in our lifestyles, I just happen to be abnormal. After a few moments of silence because I am thinking all these sarcastic things, I say something that I know will be satisfying to that person. Then I rely on easy questions that won't irritate me when answered, like how old, name, etc.

I enjoy mom friends when they have been selected carefully. My family makes fun of me for having blog friends (and I have even met a few in real life!) but those have been carefully selected as well so I know what I'm getting into. But random people at the grocery store, mall, etc. just freak me out.

I will just pray my children learn their social skills from daycare.**






**We chose to stay with daycare. The sickness is driving me up a wall, but we weren't very realistic with our schedules. The normal nanny hours would have been 9:30-4:30 which are pretty great hours. But hubby travels out of town for work frequently which would bump that time up to 6:00 p.m. for a week, costing extra $$. I have a meeting early once a month so that would cost extra $$. I have to go in when people don't show up which happens about once every other week so I need flexibility. Hubby is in class two nights a week so that would add hours. So really, we would be driving someone bonkers with our crazy schedules and spending lots of extra $$$$.


  1. We are twins. For real. I don't know if that would make us BFF in real life, but seriously, we are twins.

  2. I'm with you on the whole "people coming up to you in public because you have a baby". The thing that really drives me crazy is when complete strangers think it's okay to just touch my know, rub her cheek, touch her hands, her leg, etc. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! I've learned to position myself so this doesn't happen when someone comes up to us.

  3. The ones you really have to watch out for are other twin moms. You would think we'd be super supportive and understand that a mom with twins really just wants to focus on her 2 kids and maybe pretend to clean or cook in the few precious minutes you have that the twins are not needing you.

    But, more than once I have been given a phone number - or worse - asked to exchange numbers (yeah, give them mine...ugh) - from another twin mom wanting to "get the kids together". Really? If I am going to start playdates I am going to invite someone who comes with only 1 kid. Why would I volunteer to be outnumbered 4 to 2?

    So now, when I see twins, I don't speak to the mom. The other day we were feeding the fish at the Arboretum and I know that lady had 4 yr old twins with her but neither one of us mentioned it at all. Probably G&C don't look like twins anymore so it made sense not to have to talk to each other. Or, she knew and she wanted her space, too.

    Adorable pics - the kids are getting so big!!!

    Sorry the nanny didn't work out. And I really hope the daycare immunity kicks in soon!!! I'm bracing for kindergarten sickness germs. Ugh.

  4. LMAO!!! I love it!
    Argh, I hope the daycare bugs settle down soon! My mom usually keeps Davie, but she was out a couple of weeks ago and I finally had to use daycare. And you what? She had a blast! She LOVED being around other kids. She had so much fun, she slept great that night! I think I shouldn't have been as scared of daycare as I was. Chalk it up to first-time-mom insecurities, I guess.

  5. LMAO!!
    I can totally relate. I am so much cooler online than I am in person =) I'd rather stay home and relax than go out in public. Not because I don't fit in, I just hate crowds. Which is sort of a problem at times since my husband is the partying type - and I don't like to tag along lol. Very entertaining post! Thanks for sharing =)

  6. You crack me up. I could have written this myself. The babies are as cute as ever.

  7. Snap - I am totally on the same page, I have never nor do not ever intend to talk to a stranger parent for the sake of it, never, ever happening.. I don't have twins but because our son is half Asian and my husband and I are caucasion - well, people just love to come and comment!!

  8. I don't have anything to comment on the actual point of the post, but I have to say that your babies are just perfect. I love the black and white pictures!

  9. There's a lot of us "abnormal" people on the interwebs I tell you. You think you're antisocial... let me put it this way, on the Myers-Briggs personality scale for introversion, the highest score is 60. I got a 58 some years ago.

    I totally feel you on the small talk though I must confess that since having twins, I do sometimes stalk other parents of twins

  10. I died while reading this...I'm def with you on so many of these points. I don't engage other mommas when I'm in public and prefer to keep it that way!! I'm also not a fan of crowds and tend to avoid them...or only take it in small bits!

    Those pics of O and E are them:)


Thanks for stopping by! Sorry, no anonymous comments, if you can't put your name on it it's just no fun!