Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Mom Fail Number Infinity

Yesterday morning the Nut and I were eating breakfast and then roaming around the house. Osh was still asleep because he forgot that we don't have playtime from 1:00 a.m. - 4:00 a.m. (also he was sick, but he made a beeline for legos after his inhaler). I let our dog out and right in front of our glass slider was a big, nasty spider! I hate spiders. Hate, hate, hate. That little shit built a web all across the front of the door so you would walk right into it and take a spider right in the face.

After the dog squeezed out of the tiny opening I allowed due to the spider I shut the door. I banged on it hoping the spider would crawl away so I could destroy the web and it would leave forever. Instead, the little shit just waved it's creepy arms at me, basically telling me it was going to crawl on me and kill me if I touched it.

I looked in our locked cabinet to see what I could find. There are lots of earth friendly cleaners so I didn't think they would do much in my spider death quest but then I found some ant spray.

I opened the door just a smidge again to spray that little shit. The ant spray didn't come out into a direct stream, it was misting and getting everywhere. While I was thinking about what kind of a terrorist would make death mist I should have realized this was probably to be used on hard surfaces. Then I inhaled some of it and looked down and saw that the Nut was right under my feet.

I panicked! I couldn't believe I was spraying poison on my little sweet pea nugget. I slammed the door shut and looked down at her and she started screaming. I thought "oh no, my baby has ant poison in her eyes!!!"

That was not the problem. I had shut her fingers into the sliding glass door!!!!!

I panicked again and opened the door and picked her up and looked at her fingers. They weren't broken so we got an ice pack from the fridge. She screamed and screamed. I felt horrible! I gave her lots and lots of kisses.

It turns out that she was just fine. She got back in a good mood and we went to check on Osh. But she did go to daycare with the light scent of Eau de Ant Spray in her hair.

On Mondays and Wednesdays I am on my own all day with the kids due to hubby being in school. I got Osh undressed and was working on Ever because she had dump in her pants. He ran into the kitchen, took an unnaturally large pee on the floor and then slipped and fell running through it. Nice.

It's a miracle anyone lives in my house!

This is a photo of my children being disciplined by me. You can tell how terrified they are and how effective my punishment is. They have flushed the potty like 8 million times in a row.



  1. HA! You are not an awful momma! I HATE HATE HATE spiders too...eeeewwwwww! I had a similar incident a couple weeks ago except the spider actually made it's way into our house! I had it trapped in the corner in the entry way and was admittedly freaking out yelling at the spider and jumping up and down on the phone with my hubby who was at work. I got the ant/roach spray from the cabinet and went to town. Hubby said he would clean it up once he got home...of course the girls promptly crawled right through it!
    And I'm glad my kids aren't the only ones that smile when you try to discipline them. My Bri is awful at that - she literally laughs at me when I tell her no. Oye!
    You're doing a great job momma...don't you ever think otherwise!

  2. Sounds like pretty much a normal day around here. I smashed my son's fingers in a door yesterday, too. And yeah, my kids laugh at me when I tell them now, especially when they bite me. Now my son puts his mouth around my arm and gets ready to bite me just to hear me say "no!" and then he starts laughing.

  3. Poor little girl! It happens to us all. The toilet flushing is a riot!

    I can deal with the spiders OUTSIDE if they are somwhere I can see them without walking through their webs. And, I check on them constantly because the only thing worse than seeing on of those 2" yellow and black ones is going back and NOT seeing them where you left them. We actually named one last year since she stayed so long. "Lottie" (short for Charlotte, of course) My bug man said, "She's good spider. You don't want to kill that kind." I have no idea what she was eating... I think squirrels.

    INSIDE, I am a great shot with a shoe. And a can of spray. Why is it they only seem to appear when husbands are out????

  4. Eeeeek! I despise spiders!! I swear they are out to ge me... those bastards!
    You are a wonderful Mom and anything done in the presence of a spider should not and will not be held against you, it was all the spider's master plan... I know it.

  5. oh my! hilarious story (and I mean that in the most sincere way possible). I hope you recovered well, too.

  6. HAHAHAHAHA! You have the best stories! ...and the last thing any other normal momma would do is judge that as a "fail". Jeepers! Gotta love those little shits. They make for interesting moments. The spiders, I mean. ;)

  7. This morning, I was almost in a car accident due to a spider deciding to attack me in my car. I hate those things!!!!!

    Glad Ever's okay. I would have felt so bad, but don't beat yourself up over it. It could happen to anyone!

  8. Oh my God.... I know I would be horrified if it were me that had that morning, but I was hysterical laughing!!!!! I'm sorry!!!!! That is too funny about Oshy slipping in his own pee while you are wrestling Peanut butt.
    It is NOT funny about the ant spray and her poor little fingers... I'm so glad she's okay. We all have accidents but man do they feel horrible!!!

  9. Argh, what a day! Yesterday I was so busy taking pictures of Davie I let her fall over backwards and she hit her head on a plastic toy! I felt terrible! Ten minutes later, I caught her with a dog toy in her mouth! I totally suck.


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