In the strangest news ever, I am now I stay at home mom.
I know I'm beating a dead horse here, but I'm kinda poor, as you may now because I've mentioned it before. Not really poor, but for example, I have no cable or data plan for my cell phone or cars that have car payments, you know the drill. Why? Because the twins daycare costs more than my mortgage. Two mortgages is a lot, especially for someone like me, who is forced to have a degree for my job but I'm not rolling in dough as a result of said job.
Once you add a third kid to this mix, FORGET IT! Daycare becomes ridiculous. More ridiculous I should say.
I have wanted to be a stay at home mom forever. I really, really wanted to. The twins have been at a fun age for a long time and I've been craving extra time with them.
I am about to be really honest here. I know there are some that need sunshine shot up their rears at all times to feel like a good mom, but what you are about to hear is not going to sound like that. Judge away, I don't care.
My maternity leave sucked.
Yep. I said it. You wouldn't think adding one measly little baby to the mix would be that big of a deal, but it was. I must say that I owe SAHM's an apology for all the eye rolling I did over the last few years at them for whining about how hard it is and how you never get anything done and what a tragedy it is that you don't get a lunch break, etc. My time at home alone all day with the kids was hard. If I ever separated them, it was easy, I was used to the two or I could handle one little baby myself. But all of them together, SHIT! It's hard! They have different needs and wants and they all want, all the time. They want snuggles, food, butt's wiped, something cleaned and then I want food and naps and a clean house and it seems we just don't all get what we want, you know? I missed posting "Phone Dump Friday's" for two weeks in a row. Why? I didn't even know it was f&*(ing Friday!
I felt like such a failure, my first day back at work was lovely. I came back to compliments about how great I am so I felt like someone who can do stuff, not a loser in sweatpants with a stinky house covered in mess with feral children running around naked (that's all a true story, a scary true story). It was really nice. I thought even though after daycare I would make $10 a month working felt way better. People asked if it was so hard dropping them off to come back to work and honestly, no, it wasn't hard.
And then it didn't work out that well either. We only have one car that fits all of our kids in it so we had to play swap the cars game every morning. It's like a real life version of Tetris. There aren't many affordable places that had room for three kids. Even though my work hours were nice, the kids were so tired at the end of the day, we weren't eating the nice home cooked meals I had been making and mornings were running like crazy. The twins got used to me being with them all day and they seemed bummed at the end of the day. My second day of work I woke up next to the Butterball and he smiled and I felt like I wanted to be with him all day long. We had issues with figuring out how we were going to swap cars and get everyone everywhere and home at a decent time. I started contracting some type of illness going around my workplace and thought of how we were going to get back on the path to constant illness again in my house.
I realized that this is the time and I need to be at home with my babies. I thought it was nice for a few days being at work even though I had always been strongly leaning towards staying at home. Staying at home wasn't as exciting and dreamy as I thought so I had second guesses and felt that I'm probably just one of those moms who are the best they can be as a working mama.
But . . . . I put in my two weeks notice! I am now a stay at home mom. We will be going out of town soon and after that I am ready to commit. I want to get this house in order and get on a schedule and do it in a more sane manner. Get ready to want to slap me . . . the Butterball is now sleeping through the night so it should be easier. That coincided with me returning to work and it has been lovely! I think I have the energy to tackle it a little better.
Wish me luck folks. It's a whole new era in our house! I'm terrified. I'm excited. It's weird.