Before our big surprise happened, we had decided that we would not pursue another IVF treatment. I was going to relay this info by a picture of the For Sale sign in our yard, but that took a lot longer to happen than we thought. As you may recall, we could not afford to do another IVF and put a down payment on a new home.
We were out on a date and Hubby asked me when I was going to call the RE to see when we would start a new IVF. I told him that I wasn't going to call, and if he was okay with it, I was at peace with that decision.
1. Truly, I felt ready to move on. After finding out I also have endometriosis, I just felt like it wasn't worth messing with. We had talked about a new house and have for a long time. I am just ready for that. Hubby bought this house while I was in college. I am ready to have a bigger house that we choose together.
2. After many other treatments, we were seriously lucky to get pregnant with twins on our first cycle. With the FET, I felt the devastation of a failed IVF. IVF is not a joke, it's a long and invasive, very expensive treatment and to go through that for nothing is terrible. It brought a reality to me that just because I wanted another child didnt mean that I could have one and I felt like I should deal with that sooner rather than later after many failed and expensive treatments.
3. I don't feel well physically or mentally while doing IVF. I gain weight and get so filled with anxiety and sadness and despair that it is difficult to function. That takes away my ability to enjoy other things in my lif. Osh and Peanut have made my life so amazing and I didn't want to take away from the time I have with them when I already feel stretched thin trying to balance working full time and being the mom and person I would like to be. Having the frosty was a reminder of our infertility as well as the hopes we had for our future. Once it was gone, after we grieved the loss of that possibility, I felt ready to close the door on infertility treatments.
4. I love my twins dearly and if I could go back in time, I would not change a thing. But for the future, I knew I did not want to carry and have twin newborns again. That would be really, really hard on Hubby and me, but would also be very hard on Oshy and Peanut. We are self pay so we want to do anything that would maximize our chances of success. Transferring two embryos slightly raises the odds of success. I didn't want to be tempted to do something that I felt wasn't right for our family out of desperation for success.
5. Financially, stopping at two children is smart. We wouldn't have to invest in larger vehicles that would add a car payment or two plus consume more gas. We pay $1300 a month in daycare. In three years that amount would be drastically reduced. What could we do with that extra money each month? The kids could do any activities. We could save. We could take an awesome vacation every year.
6. Emotionally, stopping at two children is smart. We wouldn't be outnumbering ourselves and more kids, which would leave to more love, would still obviously lead to less attention and energy.
All of these things together made me feel like not pursuing a fresh IVF cycle was the best choice. I felt really good and content with it. I poured my energy into the twins and bettering myself. The twins part was easy because they are beyond fun right now. Truly, this is an amazing age. I did my vegan cleanse which had amazing effects on my diet and was training for a half marathon. Hubby and I were having so much fun together planning for our future. I was proud we got through another hard time together and came out ready for anything.
I had no idea just two months later we would be expecting. At first I was terrified that something awful would happen and set us back. I, like everyone else, would never want to lose a baby and that would be so hard after all the work I had done to give up on that dream. Now that I've reached the second trimester, I am starting to get more excited and feel like we might really get to have another baby. Just like infertility taught me before, this has taught me that I just can't plan for anything! Life is so crazy, but in an awesome way. I have no idea where life is taking us, but I feel like I have learned through these processes that we'll figure it out.