I'll admit it.
Let's see here . . . after the babies were born I was sick as a dog and didn't want to eat much plus pumping my breastmilks like a maniac which allowed me to lose oodles of weight. It was quite exhilirating in fact. As time neared me going to work I used my elliptical machine semi-regularly.
It all went down the tubes when I returned to work. No more pumping for one thing, which is a calorie burning frenzy. I quit working out as much because I felt guilty for taking time away from the babies after I was gone all day to work out but I was (and still am most days) beyond exhausted from getting babies up and snuggled and on to school and then working all day and then trying to make up for lost time plus doing things I enjoy. I did not want to work out at 9:00 at night, especially when a full night of sleep is STILL (at 17 months old) not guaranteed and I had to get up in the morning and do it all again. Being at work also allowed me time to actually eat food.
I went from being under my first preggo appointment weight quickly to now, on this very day, weighing the same as I weighed when I was FOUR MONTHS PREGNANT WITH TWINS!!! That sucks.
This morning I woke up and thought "good grief, what is the heavy thing on me?" and took a look and it was just my big meaty legs. They are physically heavy and dangly and lumpy. I used to have fabulous legs and get compliments on them all the time. It was quite depressing.
Here are the reasons for my chubbiness:
1. I'm tired. I just want to relax after working all day! I want to lay on the carpet while Ever puts blankets on me and tells me "nigh nigh." I want to throw the ball with Ocean. I want to take them for a wagon ride. I want to take 8 million pictures of them doing whatever they are doing because I think everything they do is cute. I want to watch Netflix and do Pinterest. Yep. I do not want to run. I do not want to do Jillian Michaels. I do not want to use the elliptical. I only work out on the weekends. Maybe.
2. My stomach is severely deformed and scarred from pregnancy. Even if I turned anorexic it would not change the sick shit that is my gut, which isn't really motivating for me to care about doing ab work.
3. I love to eat. I also like the convenience of food that is quick. I don't always have time to pack snacks and lunch after getting myself, my children and my household ready for the day in a timely manner so I eat what I can grab while out or what is laying around at work, which is mostly carbs. I certainly don't want to cook when I get off of work at 6:00 p.m. and don't get home until 6:30 p.m. and bedtime events start in just an hour and a half. No, I do not.
4. I just make excuses and accept my laziness (see #1-3). There isn't much I could really do on the excersize front, but I could eat meal replacement bars or pre-pack my lunches for the week. I could chop up a quick salad for dinner, but instead throw in a pizza or run through the drive through. My dangler is gross and I have to accept that, but I shouldn't use it as a reason to not care about the rest of my body.
I know I could look better and I want to, I just don't really want to put any effort into it. A friend and I were talking and she said "I would kill to have my high school body back." I told her that I think that saying is so bizarre, that we would actually rather take a human life instead of just diet and excersize like we should. Her reply was that it would only take 10 seconds to kill someone and it takes a lot of time and effort to diet and excersize (that's why she is my friend by the way, because she says really funny stuff like that).
I need an attitude change, but don't know where to find it. I look at pictures of skinny people and try to tell myself I need to look like that. Isn't that the big issue in society, that women are supposed to look like people they see in the magazine? I wish I had that problem, but frankly I don't care what those skinny bitches look like.
The biggest thing that motivates me is to remind myself how much more energized I will feel if I lose some weight and eat right. I just can't find the place to start . . . . .
See-food funnel cake!