Four years ago on this day, I was in bed. All day.
A few months before this day I had injected hormones into my own stomach and put all my hopes in yet another failed treatment. For the week preceding this day we had no groceries whatsoever in the house because the sight of all the Mother's Day advertisements at the grocery, Target, Walmart or drug stores caused my heart to race and the tears to flow. Four years ago on this day I swallowed an antidepressant and alternated between sleeping, crying and wondering what in the world I was supposed to do in a motherless life when I knew since I was five years old that all I wanted was to be a mom.
It sucked hard.
But not today! Today I woke up to the first sight that I see everyday, which is a gorgeous, chunky baby snuggled up next to me and usually cooing to wake me up. On the edge of my bed I saw two excited three year old's, one with a card in hand and one with a gift in hand (a massage and facial gift card, hello). I got kisses times three and hugs times three. We spent a day at the zoo and ate a big yummy dinner and were all exhausted and ready for bed early.
Mother's Day is such a special day for me. It's like my personal Thanksgiving Day. I don't often feel thankful for having to go through infertility, but today I do. I can feel the gratitude in every cell of my body that on this day I got to wake up in such a different place than I did four years ago with all my dreams come true. It's all been worth it and even more worth it than I could imagine. I romanticized motherhood for many years and it's even better (and even harder) than I thought. Tonight before bed I asked the twins if they could give me a hug because it's Mother's Day and I'm their mommy. That sounds stupid, but for the third time now it's still a huge thrill. Mother's Day is a "pinch me" moment and I do my best to wallow in it for every bit of the day I can.
Happy Mother's Day to me, because I'm a mom, and those words never get old. And special thoughts to all the mommy's to be trying to complete their families or living through the loss of your little's, it's so hard and I hope one day your dreams come true too.
On this same note, I hope this is how all of life works. Today I woke up poor so in four years I will wake up rich, yes? Sounds good to me!