Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The Story

Let's rewind back to January. We were hot off the sting of a failed FET, which sucked enormous balls. I am a lowly government worker with no infertility coverage on my insurance plan, so affording IVF isn't easy by any stretch. Having the FET fail was a huge reminder that IVF doesn't always work. We live in a humble home already because of all the money we spent on our first go round with infertility and now the FET drained us $4 K more and for nothing. I had the lap in January and the doctor so kindly told me I'm screwed and that I should get on birth control so as not to damage my fragile reproductive system any further and just to save up for IVF.

That really sucked. After tears and major anger, I felt better and decided I didn't want any part of another IVF. We decided we would go forward with selling our house and moving on up, which we had to put off for fertility reasons. We realized we would probably not ever have more than two children and since their daycare bill will just keep going down we may as well spend the extra on a house. We got pre approved for way more than we thought and became really excited. We also started planning the Summer of Us, a celebration of our awesome family of four. I decided to do the vegan cleanse because of the Giuliana Rancic cancer and fertility treatment business. I wanted all fertility gunk out of my system. The result was looking good and I did not crave sugar or fast food hardly ever. I dedicated more time to working out and really felt great, mentally and physically.

We decided we would try to get knocked up on our own for one to three years as long as my body stayed in control of itself. I invested in a thermometer for charting but was too lazy to use it.I bought a mega pack of ovulation tests for cheap to use. FertilAid has always helped me with regular cycles so I bought several months of it to hopefully keep me regular without the use of birth control. I honestly thought this was fun. I didn't put much stock in it as I I have already walked this road so this was just something to do to pass the time and if it happened awesome, if it didn't, who cares, at least I felt like I was doing something.

A mere three months later, I wasn't for sure if I was really ovulating or not so I decided to dedicate one month to temping. I also decided to read 50 Shades of Grey, and well, ahem, just use your imagination. Hubby was a happy man! My chart appeared to look like I had ovulated. Then my chart appeared to look like someone who was pregnant. I had run 7 miles easily one weekend and the next I nearly died running 5 miles. My heart would start racing and I would get light headed, which happened when I was very new preggo with the twins.

I told myself not to be a dumb dumb baby because I have cramps, I'm infertile and a licensed physician who just took a fresh look at my insides told me to forget it, OF COURSE it would be silly to think I would just get pregnant for free.

But I had a million pregnancy tests left over the FET, so what the heck? At 11 dpo it was a BFN. Duh, silly me.

At 12 dpo those tests were still burning a hole and it's kinda fun to pee on stuff with no emotion attached so I peed again. BFP. WTF?

I paced around. I analyzed it in all different lighting. It was there, but it was barely visible to the naked eye. I called my mom crying like a baby and hyperventilating. Surely nothing good could come of this. I just found my happy place where it would be okay if it didn't happen. How cruel would it be to have a chemical pregnancy or a miscarriage as soon as I got to my happy, content place? This wasn't really supposed to happen to me.

I text Hubby and told him we would get a really special present from Santa this year. He replied with " you never know." "Yes I do," I said. No response.

I went to work but stopped at my friends office. I cried again and spilled all the dirty details. She said to call my doctor right away. I called the RE and they said to come on in, they would be happy to run some betas. I didn't have the balls, so I decided to wait until the next day.

I called Hubby and asked if he got my texts. I told him I took a test and it was positive, I'm pregnant.
He laughed hysterically and said that is awesome, really awesome.

At 13 dpo I got my first beta back at 44 with a progesterone level of 14. Not great. They said to start progesterone suppositories right away.

Two days later, I was just hoping for a beta around 88. It was 151!!!!! My progesterone level was over 20 which is what they like to see.

At a little over 6 weeks we saw our little nugget, with a flickering heartbeat.

I had some panic and I got another ultrasound a little over 8 weeks and baby now has a head and body and heart rate of 170!

I know I have a long way to go, but we decided after that second ultrasound to just be thankful. The infertile in me who is always waiting for the other shoe to drop and the bad news to take over gets the best of me at times, but mostly we are just excited and thankful. We are going to have to change a lot of plans we just made, like the dream house (3 under 3 in daycare and a car that holds three carseats will take up that extra mortgage money), but we are cool with it. We already know there is no amount of money or material things that are more awesome than a child. We feel very lucky and can't wait to see what happens! Tomorrow I will schedule our NT scan and that will be a huge milestone.

That's the story! Thank you so much for all your comments on my last post!


  1. Ashley,
    I am covered in goosebumps.
    What a miracle baby!

  2. CONGRATS!!!
    An infertiles dream come true!!
    You are one lucky chic!
    Not to mention the infertile world has had a billion BFPs this far!!!
    2012 is a lucky year so far!!

  3. Another miracle - awesome story!

  4. Just catching up!!!! Congrats!!! That is just truly amazing. I hope one day I could have a similar story.

  5. What a miracle! Expanding your family was just meant to be! Congrats again ...

  6. Congratulations!! I don't think I've ever commented before, but I love reading your blog. So happy for you and your family!

  7. Yayyy! That is awesome. Congrats girl.

  8. Oh no! Guess what you have become???? (and I mean this in the nicest way...) "Just relax and it will happen!" ha ha ha ha ha

    I love that your RE was willing to let you come right in, too. 3 under 3! Phew.. age 3 was so rough with my twins. I can't imagine how psyched G would have been to have a live baby around instead of just dolls. ;-)

    Congrats again!!! Oo - you'll be on maternity leave for the Christmas holidays! Cool! You'll be tired, but get more time to celebrate with all 3 kids!!

  9. OMG, congrats!!! I"m so happy for you, and hooray for free conception!! Icing on the happy cake :)

  10. This makes me so so so so so happy. I have been quietly hoping for a post like this from you. In fact, after I read your "Summer of Us" post I remember thinking to myself. This would be a great time for her to get a surprise. ;) YAY!!!!

  11. Congrats, what amazing news!!!!

  12. Are you going to share with the BZ FB group????? C'mon! ;-)

  13. Absolutely amazing! I am so happy for you! After hearing of all of your struggles I'm glad that you finally have something good happen! CONGRATULATIONS!

  14. I am so, so, so happy for you guys! Congratulations!

  15. I was behind on blogs! Wow, super congrats! I could not be more happy for you. You are a great mom. Enjoy your summer of fun and I hope you will be feeling well.


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