Yesterday I had a meltdown of epic propotions. The first one happened at 12:47 a.m. Screaming babies do not wake up hubby, but my crying did this time! Ocean had just had a bottle at 11 p.m. so I could not understand why he was up. I was mad at him. What kind of a-hole gets mad at a baby? So I felt terrible and cried my eyes out. I fed him and rocked him and wondered why my little monkeys will not go more than a couple hours without food no matter how big they are getting or how much more food we feed them. They are piggies! It is exhausting me in the worst way.
The next meltdown occured at 10:45 a.m. followed by a third one at 11:30. I am just so exhausted. With twins, you just feel so inadequate. You hear advice like "sleep when the babies are sleeping." That's a nice thought, but when they eat every two hours and it takes 30 minutes each to feed and then 15 minutes to pump and then a few minutes to clean bottles and pump supplies and then there is the many loads of laundry to do from all the onesies, burp cloths, and blankies that two babies barf and poop on, that advice doesn't always work. I want to switch over to formula so they will be more full and I can cut out pumping time, but Ocean does so much better with breast milk. There is certainly no time for me to take care of myself, eating is a luxury. I gained 32 pounds during pregnancy and have lost 40 pounds in only 5 weeks.
I am also very resentful of hubby. He gets to sleep. He goes to work where it's quiet. This morning he woke up and came down stairs after a shower and 7 hours of sleep and he looked tired. I wanted to kick him in the balls. What does he have to be tired about? I was up with babies all night. But I know that's not logical or fair because he has to go to work. And he tries to let me have naps when he comes home, but I'm so tired I can't even sleep because I am in some weird form of total exhaustion. Poor guy.
Having twins is not a joke people!
Co-sleeping= naughty parenting, great photo ops!
Ever is really not into burping: