The Miley Debacle and Raising a Daughter

Unless you have been living under a rock, you have heard about the performance Miley Cyrus gave on the VMA's. It looked a lot like this . . . . .

When I saw it I thought "that was crazy." And that was all. Imagine my surprise when I got on Facebook and everyone was on the next level about this issue. Miley is a whore, a skank, trashy, her butt is flat or pictures comparing Miley to an animal or her rear end to that of a raw chicken.

This may come as a shock, but to be perfectly honest, I found all of those things much more tasteless than the raunchy performance she gave.

1. This is the VMA's on MTV. MTV is not a mecca for mainstream ideas of moral behavior. Every single year someone does something that is "shocking." Every. single. year. Aside from this shenanigan, Lady Gaga did her little number in a thong and bra. A thong, with her actual butt cheeks showing. I don't care about this for one second, but is it not a little hypocritical that one performer was pretty much naked and not being called a whore and a slut? Is it not sexist and maybe even a little misogynistic that celebrated male performers like Michael Jackson have rubbed their genitals on stage for years but that does not set Facebook ablaze with insults for the performer?

2. I saw many comments about how this is Hannah Montana and what are women supposed to tell their daughters about this behavior? In my opinion, this is a parenting fail on your part, not a problem with Miley Cyrus. If your child is a Hannah Montana fan and yet they are not old enough to understand that Hannah Montana is not a real person, but a made up character being played by an actress (and several years before this at that) who is a human being in real life that is NOT actually Hannah Montana, I have news for you: YOUR CHILD IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO WATCH MTV. Let that sink in.

3. I have made so many mistakes in life. I wouldn't even call them mistakes at all times, but I have done dumb things. The thing about Facebook and blogs calling out Miley for rubbing herself, wearing something that, let's be honest, is no different than a bikini, sticking out her tongue, etc, is that, I know these people. I know that they too have been wild and crazy back in the day. Some of them still do wild and crazy things. I can't help but wonder why these same people feel they have the right or ability to use such harsh, shameless and cruel language and imagery to discuss this behavior? Whilst going through puberty myself and letting my brain fully develop (which doesn't finish until 25, hello), I did DUMB things. I have to emphasize dumb. Sometimes horrifyingly embarrassing things. I thank my lucky stars I participated in that ridiculous behavior when cameras, phone pics, and YouTube were not existent. Now that I am nearing thirty, I would absolutely never do any of those things and I cringe at the thought of my sweet daughter doing any of those things. But . . . I would be a hypocrite (and a jerk actually) to simply forget that at one time in my youth I was a big, horny, obnoxious idiot and mount my high horse to say awful things about someone on the internet. I don't think Miley Cyrus should be ruined for life like many people are calling for. I think she'll probably grow out of it and move on. So should we.

I always hear people talking about how they want better for their children than they had. Usually they are talking about material things and finances, but I also want better for my child's soul and well being. I don't want my daughter calling other girls whore, sluts, ho bags, skanks and what have you. I did that and have thought it (okay, maybe still do sometimes) but I don't want that for my daughter. I want her to have more respect for others and in turn that will give her more respect for herself.  I certainly don't want anyone saying those things to her either someday, should she find herself making different choices or rubbing herself with a foam hand on TV while wearing a teddy bear onesie. I would like us to discuss that type of thing together and work out what kind of feelings a performance like that may evoke in her, not just sling around whore and slut and certainly not take to making fun of her body parts that may look imperfect to some.

I want better for her, so I have to be that through example. I have participated in these negative behaviors before. I am and have been a judgemental person. Having a child changes you. When I look at my beautiful girl and how innocent she is, I want her to keep seeing the world in a positive light. We have war, terrorist attacks, a widening gap between rich and poor, higher education costs that are getting unattainable, people who are sick and can't get good health care, a young woman taking part in a risque performance is the least of our troubles. We can discuss it with respect and act accordingly. That's the example I want to be for my daughter, not someone on a high horse making unnecessarily harsh judgements of someone I don't even really know who is essentially causing us no harm in any fashion.

Moral of the story: get over it. Move on. And really, don't call other women whores and sluts. That's nasty. Be better than that.

Cry it Out or Wait it Out?

My twinkies were bad sleepers. We still have about one night a week that one of them wakes up screaming about something and they are over three years old! With the butterball, I decided he could just sleep in my bed to save the time of running all over the house each night. Also with breastfeeding I don't even get up for that reason, just roll over and put a boob in his mouth.

Butterball is now almost 8 months old. He thrashes around in the night and whimpers and it keeps me awake. A few weeks ago we moved him into his own room. I tried CIO with the twins but frankly I don't have the cajones for it. I went back and forth between thinking if they cry themselves to sleep at night once and then get good sleep it would be worth it. Then I would think about how they had just been snuggled up in my body for nine months, is it so strange to think that they need human comfort? I sleep better with my hubby in bed with me so it can't be a huge stretch to think that little babies need comfort too. I also keep water next to my bed and drink when I want so I just couldn't wrap my mind around the notion that a small baby should be trained out of comfort and food, so I didn't do it. I don't think people who do CIO are child abusers or any crazy sanctimommy thing like that (unless you do extinction, ie just letting them scream without checking on them all night, that is just plain mean), but it doesn't feel right for me and my nuggets.

Well . . . I got home from my part time job at 9:45 and he was still up! I fed him but he kept popping up and thrashing around and trying to get after stuff. Once it was after 10 I laid him in his crib and turned on the mobile. About one minute later he started screaming. I looked at Hubby and he said just let him cry for a few minutes. Three minutes later there was no sound so I rushed in to be sure he was okay, and he was fast asleep. He slept until 4:30 a.m. and then I fed him. He has done that a few times on his own, but not many. He slept until 6 once last week. He had been sleeping all night when he was very little but got sick and never did it again.

Flash forward and we have been road tripping and he falls asleep in the car constantly. I now have to fight him tooth and nail to get him to sleep in the bed. Hubby and I have been rotating. Hubby doesn't have boobs but he can comfort a kid. No matter how annoying Hubby can be, seeing your 6' tall husband curled up in a baby crib singing ABC's is the sweetest. Anyway, we have been trying to put him to bed awake this week and he has been crying and screaming like a crazy. Last night it took an hour! I am not good at this because I go in every five minutes, but he needs to know I will comfort him but he also needs to sleep at night. Does that even make sense? I don't know!  After an hour and then me eventually crawling into his crib and giving him a boob he fell a sleep. Then slept until 6 am, which was awesome.

So I kind of did CIO. My precious snowflake cried himself to sleep, which I hate. At the same time, he slept all night without interruption, which is good.

Oy, making parenting decisions, it's hard.

Well Hello

It's been awhile!

Why has it been awhile?

A few reasons . . . .

1. I'm busy. I don't really have time to sit at the computer. I can walk around with internet on the iPod/iPad/phone (I now have a smart phone, crazy!) but just sitting at the computer? No, it doesn't happen. We've been travelling, I work part time, I have been getting this house under control, and of course, I have three littles running around.

2. My life is boring. Busy, but also boring. Boring in a delicious way that I have always wanted it to be! We are just living life, I have nothing crazy going on except the normal crazy. That's probably boring. So just know that all things about to come at you are going to be boring. Sorry.

3. My internet is slow as hell. If I pull up Blogger, it takes eons to turn on and my blogging mood that had struck me, unstrikes me, and I have other things to do.

If you only come here to view pictures of my stunningly beautiful children, you can follow me on instagram if you'd like!

I'm apairandaspare3. Some people find this screen name quite clever, I ripped it off of someone else that I knew on a board back in the day, don't be impressed.

Hopefully I will be back in blogging business soon! Woohoo!

Just An Average Trip to the Mall

I really need bras for my giganto boobs so I decided I could do it, we could all head out to the mall. Let me bullet point the excitement for you.

• We went in one store. Osh man took off running, which he always does in stores, seeing those wide open spaces. He was everywhere so fast I finally caught him and told him to get back in the stroller, freedom over until the next store.
• We got to the next store and he saw all the bras and spread his arms wide like Maria frolicking on the mountainside in "Sound of Music" and said "BOOBIES! Boobies evywhere!!" This got the attention of the person working there. She helped me find bras. As I was checking out, she said, "oh yeah, he has put some stuff from here in your stroller." I hadn't even noticed, so I thanked her and we pulled it all out. We found several pieces that weren't from that store! SHITBALLS! He stole a bunch of jewelry from store #1.
• We went back to store #1 and I left all the stolen jewelry at the counter. We went to the next store and I realized this would never work out so we went to eat lunch. We got all of our lunch to the table, were halfway done when both of them started saying "I need to pee. My pee pee is coming out. I have to pee right now." 
• I decided I wasn't going to get to eat lunch so I put their lunch in the stroller. I was carrying N in a carrier and he was asleep. We went to a department store that had a family bathroom so we could all fit in there. They each went pee and then got back in the stroller to eat their lunch. I smelled something foul. Butterball had taken a giant dump all over the place, his clothes and everything. 
• I got the Butterball naked and cleaned up while the twins ate their lunch, IN A BATHROOM. He had no spare outfit. I took him, in his diaper, through the department store to buy a new outfit. I found one on clearance but didn't love it so I put it on the stroller. I then found a cute on sale outfit and bought it, while standing with my naked baby in a store. I got him dressed and we went to the play area.
• The kids were dying to ride the carousel but the person was on break so after they almost had a tantrum I derailed them with the play area. They ran and jumped and had a good old time. We got on the carousel when the person returned from their lunch break. Osh man insisted on riding the tea cup. That's cool with me, but then the lady says I have to ride with him. I ride in a carousel that is going round and round while I was also spinning round and round. Barf city!
• We got off and happily trotted over to our stroller to load up. Hanging there was the first outfit from the department store. Not only had my son stolen things today, I did too! We returned to that store and I prayed that I wasn't about to get arrested for returning the second stroller related theft operation we had going on that day. The item was returned. Osh asked to get out of the stroller and I said NO WAY! We are out of here. 
• The hermit crab stand necessitated a stop. The kids were thrilled with the different shells. One thing did go right.
• We went to visit my grandparents, which was nice.

Finally, it was time to go home. I needed a nap like the desert needs rain but I told them we could go swimming once we got home. Osh looked at me while rubbing his eyes and said "Mommy, did you know that I am not tired, not even at all?" Of course not.

As Hubby says, "the sun shines on a dog's ass every now and then." And that's what happened then. The wild man fell sound asleep and then it started raining. Yay. Thank you Universe for small miracles.

No more trips to the mall for us anytime soon!

Nash carefully observing bad behavior.

Observation: bad behavior looks awesome!

What's Been Going On

Right before the Butterball made his grand appearance, I wanted to be off early from work. Things got crazy with a capital C at work so I stayed a week longer than anticipated. The week I was off I wanted to rest a little and then get everything ready. Instead I fell down the stairs, the kids got sick and everyone was home and then baby made his appearance on a day that the twins were home from daycare and even Hubby was sick. Then a week after he came home we were in the hospital with RSV for 8 days. Then the twins started acting out because their entire life changed dramatically by being at home and having a little brother. Then Hubby started going bananas because he works full time and goes to school (in class, not online) full time and had a really tough semester. This meant that we did not take shifts and I have been up all night, all the time with baby. Then I went back to work and realized that wasn't going to work. Then I became a full time SAHM which caused a big shift in our financial situation, mostly as far as me being able to make independent decisions with my independent income. This all happened in a short period of time.

What's the point?

Everything that I have ever wanted, I have (except the poor factor). I got the family of my dreams despite infertility for which I am extremely thankful and still really shocked about. I get to stay at home which I really always thought would be what I would do when I had kids. But despite these wonderful, amazing things, I have been feeling as if the walls are caving in and I am being buried underneath it all. I feel a lot like I will never measure up to the standards I had set for myself and were my expectations. I feel like I have really let Hubby down and I feel mostly like I am not good enough for the twins. I thought I would be so good at this, the one thing I would rock at, but I don't.

I went to the doctor to tell her about it but I felt so much shame for feeling these things that I couldn't do it. I decided to power through, it would get better, Butterball still isn't sleeping all night and that would change things. Time would be our friend.

But I still didn't feel good so finally right before my last appointment ended I told her how I was feeling. I cried and admitted I was so ashamed to feel like this. I told her how I binge eat when I feel sad or out of control and I have never weighed this much and I honestly think I am giving myself diabetes and I feel like poo. She told me between hormones, sleep deprivation, major life changes, breast feeding fluctuations (my supply is currently tanking) and having three very young children there is nothing to be ashamed of and the odds aren't really in my favor if we thought about it.

So we made a plan and I am feeling a lot better about the whole thing.

The  moral of the story is I wish I had gone earlier to the doctor to get some help. I hate that I felt ashamed about it. Who am I really trying to impress? No one. If people think I'm crazy or an asshole for feeling off, go ahead. I feel much better now and am becoming the mommy I always thought I was. I just needed a little help. Had I been suicidal or very angry or unable to care for the kids or myself I would have made myself go sooner, but it's just an off, something isn't clicking type feeling, you know? Now it's mostly gone. Aaaaah. So that's that, I'm feeling better and we are doing really well!