The twins went to visit Grandma early this week for the holiday's so my parents could spend some extra time with them. We made it to about Wednesday before it became really sucky and we wanted them to come. In the meantime, I did things I normally don't do.
1. Clean. The house isn't perfectly clean but it is significantly cleaner than usual.
2. I woke up one morning at 5 a.m. and went to spin class to exercise and it felt great.
3. I polished off the final Hunger Games book in one day. Those books are violent and weird, but awesome and they are extremely hard to put down. I read the whole trilogy in a week. If I ever get the privilege of having more children I may have rip some names off from that book.
4. I went to dinner, had a glass of wine and saw a movie with hubby.
5. I got to work on time, sometimes even a little early.
6. Time alone with my thoughts made me realize that continuing with fertility treatments is not an option until I feel better. I am so demoralized and deeply unhappy right now as a result of the treament. Because it feels so horrible, I can't imagine that it is the only thing wrong. I'm hoping to get some meds to help out when the holiday's are over. I don't feel guilty for feeling angry and upset. As much as it would be nice to be a person who could just "count my blessings" and move on, I know that if we all looked at unsatisfactory things in our life and thought "oh well, I'm still a little sunshine pants" we would still be running around naked and living in caves. It's good to not accept things, but I don't feel it's very good to feel like I'm losing a grip on everything. I am going to need some help.
We did accomplish things and hubby and I got some good time together, but life without my nuggets is not cool at all. In half a day from now, we will all be snuggling together and I can't wait!
Enjoy the holidays!
1. Clean. The house isn't perfectly clean but it is significantly cleaner than usual.
2. I woke up one morning at 5 a.m. and went to spin class to exercise and it felt great.
3. I polished off the final Hunger Games book in one day. Those books are violent and weird, but awesome and they are extremely hard to put down. I read the whole trilogy in a week. If I ever get the privilege of having more children I may have rip some names off from that book.
4. I went to dinner, had a glass of wine and saw a movie with hubby.
5. I got to work on time, sometimes even a little early.
6. Time alone with my thoughts made me realize that continuing with fertility treatments is not an option until I feel better. I am so demoralized and deeply unhappy right now as a result of the treament. Because it feels so horrible, I can't imagine that it is the only thing wrong. I'm hoping to get some meds to help out when the holiday's are over. I don't feel guilty for feeling angry and upset. As much as it would be nice to be a person who could just "count my blessings" and move on, I know that if we all looked at unsatisfactory things in our life and thought "oh well, I'm still a little sunshine pants" we would still be running around naked and living in caves. It's good to not accept things, but I don't feel it's very good to feel like I'm losing a grip on everything. I am going to need some help.
We did accomplish things and hubby and I got some good time together, but life without my nuggets is not cool at all. In half a day from now, we will all be snuggling together and I can't wait!
Enjoy the holidays!
Love the jammies! Cute pics!!
ReplyDeleteMay 2012 bring you peace. I feel so bad for the sadness and even anger I can feel in your voice. I wish you didn't have to travel this sucky IF road. But, getting help with medication sounds like a great plan to help yourself. And I truly believe that the stuggles we go through change us and make us stronger parents. I am in no way saying that parents who get pregnant just by thinking about it do not love their kids as much as we do, but there are things to be appreciated that you can only be a part of if you have suffered some heartbreak along the way.
5am to exercise???? Whoa.
Merry Christmas to you and your whole family.
Oh, those photos are DARLING. And O looks so BIG! Like a boy instead of a baby!! Oh my!
ReplyDeleteI LOVED the Hunger Games books. Seriously one of my favs! So glad you enjoyed them.
Sending you my love and wishes for a very, very Merry Christmas!
They are too cute.
ReplyDeleteI read the first two Hunger Games books in the last 4 days. Now I'm going to stop somewhere today and buy Mockingjay because I NEED IT! :)