Maturity Issues

A package arrived from Amazon yesterday bearing in it the very important book I ordered.

Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. Mmm hmmm.

I snuggled up next to Hubby on the couch and we propped it open.

Me: "this book is much shorter than I expected" . . . Flips page "holy crap!" There is a picture of a completely naked woman and her topless, shoeless hubs helping her in labor.

Hubby: "wow, those are some nipples! If you thought your nipples were big they have nothing on these!"

Me: "Why is she totally naked? Why is he topless? Why did he forget his shirt but has on a gold chain? You can't wear shirts to a natural birth?"

Hubby: "I'm going naked to our child's birth."

Me: "no you're not."

Hubby: "Why? You don't like it when I'm naked?"

Me: "I definitely don't want to look at your balls the whole time I'm in labor. No one else wants to either."

Hubby: "That's mean."

Me: "No it's not. Turn the page."

Hubby: "women have been doing this for thousands of years. We can figure this out."

Me: "We are reading this book or I'm not doing this and that's final. I'm going to the bathroom."

Hubby: flips back a few pages "I seriously can't stop looking at these nipples."

Me: "Stop!"

Osh man came rushing out of the office. "no Daddy, you top it right now. Top it!" yep, that's my boy.

Maybe I should just schedule a csection.

Five Years

Five years ago from yesterday, I got hitched. A year and a half before we got engaged on a spring break vaca to San Diego. I had been planning up a storm. We had an awesome ceremony that lasted about 20 minutes and then we partied.

A few days later we headed to Kauai. It was an amazing experience. We were actually supposed to go to St. Lucia but we didn't get our passports in time. Two days before the wedding we had to cancel our honeymoon and we rebooked. Due to the very last minute nature of this trip we got a phenomenal deal to go to an otherwise pretty pricey vacation to the gorgeous island of Hawaii. We got a beachfront hotel and round trip airfare for $1400.

In our newlywed in paradise bliss, we decided we would come back every five years for our anniversary.

Well . . . .

Little did we know we would spend the big bucks on infertility which would then give us our beautiful twins, which would then give us a bill of $1300 every.single.month for daycare. We almost pay for our Hawaii vaca every month. I would like to say we are rich enough to pay the equal of a luxury vacation each month in daycare and still afford a luxury vacation, but we can't. If we want to get real at the end of my pay period we can barely afford pb&j and gas for the Corolla, mmkay.

We wouldn't trade our twin nuggets for any vacation on this earth (or beyond), so we were perfectly content to go to a yummy dinner where we talked about how adorable Osh and Peanut are and how excited and lucky and hopeful we are for our fetus to turn into a healthy baby in December. We then went to a movie (Snow White and the Huntsman, it was really good but I am a nerd who loves motion graphics and fantasy films)and held hands and enjoyed each others company.

What more could you really ask for? Ups and downs have not prevented our first milestone anniversary and we feel so lucky right now.

Why I Love Hubby

After a party recently, Hubby admitted that he just doesn't know what to talk to other guys about. He loves his job and he loves working. He loves his kids and he wants more. He doesn't watch or care about sports. He doesn't hunt and he isn't into cars.

The sports thing is obviously the toughest because seriously, all guys we know love sports. Even the hipster guys who wear fake glasses and skinny jeans watch football on Sunday. Hubby never knows what they are talking about, but I love that he doesn't do it just because everyone else does. I know a lot of people genuinely like to watch sports and that is fine, but I love that hubby doesn't. He stays true to himself. That, of course, is beneficial to me because I never pictured myself as the wife who throw's on a team shirt and watches sports with the hubs all weekend or chooses to just do things without the hubs and I am so thankful I don't have to. I know that's such a small thing, but I love it!

We love to do family things. We love to get out of the house and go explore something, not sit in front of the TV. Last night I found Hubby sitting in the play room on a tiny chair, with a cowboy hat on, eating plastic vegetables in the play kitchen. I know it's cheesy, but it is the sweetest thing to see that stuff. He has always been a great dad and loves his daddy role, but he really sucked balls at the middle of the night stuff in newborn-land and that made me really unhappy with him. We got back to a good place and decided his punishment is lifelong dish duty. JACKPOT!!!! He always tells me thank you for doing stuff around the house, even though he shouldn't, but he does. Even though vacuuming is part of life and someone has to do it, I appreciate that he appreciate's the effort (I am so lazy it is unbelievable, I don't know how he puts up with me).

Another great thing about Hubby? He knows all about the Bachelor. Here is our conversation while bathing babies the other night:

Hubby: Did you see Emily, that chick that Brad picked, is going to be the next Bachelor?

Me: Bachelorette you mean, and yes I saw that. I know lots of people like her, but I really don't. I think she's a liar kind of.

Hubby: Oh, I know she's a liar. I know it!

Hahahaha! Only a real man can talk Bachelor.

Marriage is no joke. It's hard. And it's long. And you have to compromise a lot and I don't like that. But it's also pretty good. I feel like I am rather lucky in the hubby department! I know there are much bigger things, like the fact that he works a full time job, side jobs and goes to school to better our lives, the fact that he makes me laugh, he is a very strong emotional partner, I can trust him, etc, but those little things really do add up and make a big impact on us too and I don't want to forget them.

Another good thing about hubby, he fits in a box!

My girl has some sweet style . . . .

Yes, she is wearing flannel footie jammies and a pair of shorts over that she put on herself while pushing her baby in the stroller!

Kid Free Week

The twins went to visit Grandma early this week for the holiday's so my parents could spend some extra time with them. We made it to about Wednesday before it became really sucky and we wanted them to come. In the meantime, I did things I normally don't do.

1. Clean. The house isn't perfectly clean but it is significantly cleaner than usual.

2. I woke up one morning at 5 a.m. and went to spin class to exercise and it felt great.

3. I polished off the final Hunger Games book in one day. Those books are violent and weird, but awesome and they are extremely hard to put down. I read the whole trilogy in a week. If I ever get the privilege of having more children I may have rip some names off from that book.

4. I went to dinner, had a glass of wine and saw a movie with hubby.

5. I got to work on time, sometimes even a little early.

6. Time alone with my thoughts made me realize that continuing with fertility treatments is not an option until I feel better. I am so demoralized and deeply unhappy right now as a result of the treament. Because it feels so horrible, I can't imagine that it is the only thing wrong. I'm hoping to get some meds to help out when the holiday's are over. I don't feel guilty for feeling angry and upset. As much as it would be nice to be a person who could just "count my blessings" and move on, I know that if we all looked at unsatisfactory things in our life and thought "oh well, I'm still a little sunshine pants" we would still be running around naked and living in caves. It's good to not accept things, but I don't feel it's very good to feel like I'm losing a grip on everything. I am going to need some help.

We did accomplish things and hubby and I got some good time together, but life without my nuggets is not cool at all. In half a day from now, we will all be snuggling together and I can't wait!

Enjoy the holidays!

Thanksgiving

It's Thanksgiving!!

I love a day where not only do I not have to work and I still get paid, but the reason behind it is just to be thankful and eat food. This is probably the best thing that America has ever come up with and I have been looking forward to it for weeks. I am actually going to cook (gasp!) some stuff this week and I have a family art project planned. Being lazy and hanging out with my family is the best.

I am so thankful for:

-My husband. It takes a strong individual to live with me and commit to that for life. Seriously. He's a brave soul and he makes me laugh. He does other good things but they aren't appropriate to share on the internet.

-My family. My mom and dad and siblings and my grandparents. I feel very lucky that my kids hit the extended family jackpot and we are very blessed that way. Aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, great aunts and uncles, it's out of control.

-My friends. I have some really funny and great friends. Some are old and some are new, but they are really nice to have.

- My home. My home is small and old, but it is really special. It's our first home and it keeps us warm and that is pretty awesome.

- My job. Sure, no one really likes to work, but if I have to it's not so bad and there are so many out there who need a job I do feel fortunate. My insurance is great (aside from the no fertilty coverage but for the average person it's nice).

- My internet pals. I TOTALLY would have made fun of this back in the day, but really, I have found so much support and comraderie and good laughs from the message boards I belong to and blogs I read. It's amazing.

- And the most obvious thing . . my beautiful, funny, smart and sweet nuggets!



It seems silly to even say that I'm thankful for them. They overwhelm me sometimes, with good stuff. The English language doesn't hold verbage that is powerful enough to describe how I feel about them, but thankful will do for today.

I read a quote that was placed in a nursery and said "All my smiles begin with you" and I thought that was perfect. They make me smile all the time.


Ever is saying "whoa!!"

I'm not really thankful for the disease I have in me that won't go away so I am at home eating cheez-its and Thera-flu alone on Thanksgiving while my family is out eating good stuff, but hey, I know we can't have it all, right?

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!