Fake It Til You Make It

I'm getting to the exhaustion point of new mamahood where you just want some sleep! Butterball slept from 11-6 one night last week and I was so thrilled. Unfortunately that was a one time deal and I spent that night getting sick for a few hours so it was a huge bummer. No matter how you got to motherhood, sleep deprivation can put a hurt on the best of them! It's been almost 8 weeks since my last good night of sleep while I went home to sleep when Butterball was in the hospital and hubby took over for a night. I'm super tired.

The twins are hitting the three's. Everyone has told me the three's are worse than the two's. No way, I thought. I work with little kids and three year old's are adorable. All those people were totally right though. They are now smart enough to figure out how to be just the right amount of ornery to drive me a little bonkers. They are great with the baby, but testing the waters in every other arena that they can. I don't even want to tell you about the tantrums and whining in case you are a mother of a baby, you will be afraid.

Sleep deprivation sucks, on top of no hope for a nap because my kids don't nap. I tried to tell them that mommy is so super tired, please let mommy sleep and stay out of the bathrooms and kitchen. As soon as I would drift off I would hear water running in the bathroom, the fridge door opening, bang, boom and crashes upstairs so I gave it up and never tried again.

But I see the Butterball and I see the twins. When the twins were tiny smooshy babies I just wanted them to get bigger so they would sleep and I wouldn't be crazy. I am going to say that cliche thing all moms say . . .  it goes by too fast! I wish I could have enjoyed them a little bit more, so I am not going to let this time pass so fast with Butterball and also with the twins. They might be crazy and defiant, but they are pretty hilarious these days and watching them figure things out is interesting.

I decided I am just going to fake it 'til I make it! Even though I am exhausted and just want sleep so bad, whenever I am getting into that mindset that I can't make it ten more minutes with these three littles if I don't sleep or get a babysitter or drop one of them off at the fire station for safe keeping, I remind myself that I am so lucky. Yes, it's cheesy. I shake my head and say that I am so lucky to have three healthy kids who are smart and beautiful and all mine. If some a-hole would have told me to do that before I would have laughed in their face, but it is actually working really well! I find myself sometimes smiling and laughing in the night looking at Butterball's cuteness. It stops me from yelling when the twins are slamming doors or peeing on the floor and I do feel so lucky.

I started last week and it's been a big change actually. I have lost a few pounds since Friday. The twins and I have been potty training because I feel like I have the energy and patience. We went and joined the gym yesterday and I got all three of them out of the house myself! Even though it's only been a few days I feel like we are faking it less and making it more and things are starting to flow again. I don't do well on lack of sleep but I have been able to surprise myself. I am taking care of three little kids, doing a little cleaning (emphasis on the little), starting to work out and cooking. It feels good!

And really, when I concentrate on the Butterball when he is crying or waking up a lot, how can you not feel lucky? I mean, look at him! He is precious! His pouty lips and button nose and double chin and fuzzy head. I can't get enough of him. He smells delicious. Peanut is such a good helper with him and it melts my heart to see her kiss him and love him and help out like a little lady, not a two year old. Me being lucky isn't fake, but feeling lucky to be woken up in the night or cleaning poop off the hardwoods while Osh tried to tell me that Butterball did it is a new one. This morning Osh man said "I love my my mommy, I love my Nash, I love my sissy and I love my daddy." Best feeling ever, sleep deprivation and all.