I Got Mom War'd

The monkeys and I were playing at the park together when up walks a woman and her cute daughter.

Woman: "Oh look at the babies, they look to be your brother's age."

I knew this was the beginning of a conversation which made me want to roll my eyes because as much as I try, I don't care about random strangers and their kids habits or ages. I know. I'm mean.

But I ignored it.

We kept playing.

Woman: "How old are they?"

Me: "They are 14 months how old is yours?"

Woman: "Oh they are twins?"

We are starting to get this a lot because of the size difference that is happening between Ocean and Ever people no longer assume they are twins.

Me: "Yep."

Woman: "I have a son and he is only 14 months younger than my daughter."

Me: "Wow." Please lets don't do this, I just want to play with my babies . . . .

Woman: "I think I had it a lot harder than you did because yours are the same age and mine were at different stages but still both babies, so it was harder than having twins."

Hold the phone. Did she seriously just say that?

Things that I could say and went through my mind:

"Really? How would you know that? And really, why is that important?"

"If you had time to have sex when your daughter was only 4 or 5 months old then clearly you don't know the meaning of 'hard'."

"If you thought it was a good idea to have kids that close together, you get what you get."

"I'm sure your children feel wonderful with the fact that you approach random strangers in public to tell them how hard your life is. Maybe you should just be thankful that you can have two kids."

I have commented on and observed mom wars. I have laughed at funny spoofs of them. But I don't get involved. It's not necessary to me. So this is what I really said:

"I'm sure that was tough. The first 6 months were really brutal for us but now we are really enjoying it and having such a great time."

She walked away. Weirdo. Part of me really wanted to give it to her for trying to argue with me about who has it harder, which I thought was so bizarre and unnecessary. But part of me felt like she must be having a really hard time if she would say those things and I don't want to show my children that arguing with strangers over something so juvenile is appropriate. Being a mom is so weird sometimes.

This boy loves throwing rocks. By the way, Ocean was playing with handcuffs that belong to my cop brother. I know you're relieved to hear that. Between panties in the playroom and handcuffs I'm sure you were frightened a little.

She looks so sweet here. She is my girl, but she's not sweet. She is naughty with a capital N.