Midlife Crisis

One week friends. One more week until I have two one year olds.

I feel like I've been handling it quite well. Until I realized I haven't, but in a good way.

I have been accomplishing things I've always thought about doing but have never actually had the balls to do it. Why?

Because before the babies life was ticking by so slowly. I just wanted a baby so badly and my mind kept running back to the fact that it wasn't working out and I was destined to be a failure. I didn't apply for jobs I really wanted. I didn't go to school. I didn't do anything really but lay in misery because I was so sad. Truly sad and devastated. It didn't matter if time crept by because who cares?

When the babies started sleeping all night I started experiencing a new kind of joy. I know that's sad that it didn't start immediately at birth, and it mostly did, but I was feeling too strung out to enjoy it. Like a failure again. I waited for this and now I was in F- territory again. Now that I can rest well I have this new appreciation for my children and our family. It's amazing. I look forward to everything! I told my mom the other night that they are the two most worth it babies ever. Realizing that the time between when they were helpless little newborns placed in my arms for the first time and now when they are so full of personality and little accomplishments has passed in the blink of an eye has really changed how I look at my time.

Then the yucky F- feeling started to fade. I am a good mom. Then things at work improved and I have joined and created things that have been so satisfying.

I signed up for a 10K, followed by a 5K and have slid myself into smaller jeans.

I signed up for a craft fair to sell my tutus and hairbows and got accepted! I will have my own booth and I have to get busy making lots of bows (tutus are so easy).

I realized another dream the other day as well. I have fallen in love with photography and did my first job the other day. I was SO nervous to do this that I almost chickened out. But I did it and it was a huge success! I did a maternity session out at a park and she posted the pics on Facebook to rave reviews.

Realizing that this sweet life is passing by so quickly put a boot in my ass to do things I've wanted to. I just can't believe these monkey's have almost reached a year old. Motherhood has been hardly anything that I thought it would be. It's been so much harder but also SO VERY much better than I realized.

My midlife crisis thankfully isn't the need to buy something fancy, but finally the feeling like I can do things and really do them. I can accomplish things and I can enjoy things like I never have before. The babies make is so easy to realize that I am a lucky person and I am happy.

This is me one year ago exactly:



And this is my life now, a life where I couldn't be happier just because I can watch my girl do topless Bumbo climbing like it's her life's work or watch my boy stick his hands in the grass and eat dirt for the first time: